


What You Mean

by baeconandeggs, bucheonsbabe



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Action, Age Difference, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blood, Childhood Trauma, Dysfunctional Family, Explicit Sexual Content, Guns, Illegal Activities, Kidnapping, M/M, Mentions of Death, None of the scary things happen between chanbaek don't worry!!!!, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past minor character death, Prostitution, Romance, Sex Work, Slow Burn, Smut, Stabbing, Violence, mafia, mentions of past Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 74,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24596284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucheonsbabe/pseuds/bucheonsbabe
Summary: Baekhyun couldn't tell if Park Chanyeol, aka the biggest mafia boss in the city, pitied him, saw him as a sex toy to relieve stress or worse, loved him.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 195
Kudos: 1469
Collections: BAE2020, Best Of CB's Fic, My's Marked Read Cb's





	1. What Family Means

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE610  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> **Author's Note:** I can't believe this fic has come to an end. When I say it's been one crazy project, I mean it. Nonetheless, I'm very proud to have finished it and to be able to present it no matter the amount of sleep I've lost over it *_*
> 
> To my beta, you already know how much I love you, but since I have a little space here, let me say it again. I wouldn't have finished this without you. Thank you so, so much!!
> 
> To all the friends I went to for advice on very specific topics, to the BAE mods and to my prompter, thank you for allowing me to write the story and helping me through it.
> 
> Enjoy <3

At eight years old, Baekhyun had an alcoholic mother and an ex-convict father.

  
  


Not just any father, a father who had just gotten released from prison for having done ‘bad things’. That’s what his mother told him when the stranger walked in their house, surprisingly, because she didn’t talk a lot to him.

  
  


But this time, she had. This time she sat him on the couch and told him he had a father, and that this man was going to live with them from now on.

  
  


Baekhyun had often asked about his father- often wondered if he had one, where he was, and what he looked like because he didn’t look all that much like her. So he must have taken after his father’s traits.

  
  


Except he didn’t, he realised, when the man walked in and looked at him.

  
  


He looked scary, and Baekhyun didn’t like it. Baekhyun didn’t look like him. Baekhyun wasn’t scary.

  
  


And fast enough, Baekhyun learned their personalities had nothing to do with each other.

  
  


His father had anger issues- hit his mother when he’d catch her drunk and when he’d catch her coming home late. 

  
  


He ended up hitting her a lot. 

  
  


And when Baekhyun tried intervening, he’d get pushed away, and when he tried harder to get physically in between them, he’d get slapped across the face.

  
  


Upon understanding he couldn’t stop his father, Baekhyun tried going to his mother. Tried making her understand that in order not to get hit, she had to stop drinking, to stop going out. His father didn’t like it. They had to make him happy.

  
  


They had to  _ keep _ him happy.

  
  


Baekhyun’s father didn’t like noise. He didn’t like hearing the television playing nor did he like hearing Baekhyun’s mother drunk- he loathed noise.

  
  


The man liked the quiet. He liked when Baekhyun was quiet, and when Baekhyun’s mom was quiet. He didn’t talk much. Thus they were expected not to talk.

  
  


And it was a chance, because she barely ever talked to her son.

  
  


At nine years old, Baekhyun’s mother started growing a tummy. When he asked her about it, she said she was pregnant. That he was going to be a big brother. 

  
  


Baekhyun was happy- he thought, maybe this could appease his father. He couldn’t hit a pregnant woman now, could he? He’d be happy hearing he was going to be a father- again.

  
  


It didn’t do much. He kept hitting her, she kept wearing long-sleeved shirts to hide the colorful bruises on her arms, and Baekhyun? He kept trying to convince her to leave him.

  
  


While she wasn’t the kind of mom he hoped to have, she was far better than his father. And he knew, even at nine years old, that he preferred going with her when- rather  _ if _ she ever left him.

  
  


When she was drunk, she’d tell Baekhyun she loved his father. And when she was sober, she’d tell Baekhyun not to do it. Not to call the police on him.

  
  


Baekhyun one day remembered that no one had told him what ‘bad things’ his father had done to end up in prison, the same day he yelled so much at him Baekhyun could have spent his entire morning crying in his room had it not been for school.

  
  


He had to go to school, and that day, his mother couldn’t take him, as she had an appointment- something to do with the baby, she told him. He didn’t want to go to his father- he’d prefer missing school than asking him. But the man would get angry nonetheless when he’d see Baekhyun still home- when he’d see that he didn’t have the house to himself. Besides, his mother told him that she had spoken with his father, and that he’d be the one to take him.

  
  


So he asked his father, as his mother told him, gently shook his shoulder and asked if he could drive him to school.

  
  


At the first try, the man didn’t wake up. Baekhyun tried once, twice again, before he woke up.

  
  


But he woke up in quite a mood- yelled at Baekhyun for having woken him up, yelled at him because he needed someone to drive him to school- yelled and yelled and yelled until Baekhyun’s eyes filled with tears. When Baekhyun apologised, his father told him to keep his mouth shut.

  
  


Apparently, Baekhyun should have gone by himself. He should have gone by himself when he didn’t even know how to walk there, less for the fact that it would have taken an hour. His mother woke up late, and didn’t wake him up to get ready for the bus on time.

  
  


His father ended up taking him, but Baekhyun learned to never ask him for things like this again.

  
  


Both his parents didn’t work, so Baekhyun didn’t understand why his father was this upset at having his sleep disturbed. He could always go back to sleep after…

  
  


In school, they taught Baekhyun that drinking and smoking were bad things- that they should never do it. To stay away from it. That good kids would not do it. And it made Baekhyun wonder, were these the bad things his father had done to be sent to prison?

  
  


He told his mother that day- asked her about it, only for her to laugh, and tell him that no, this isn’t why his father went to prison. That they didn’t send people to prison for that. 

  
  


But she still didn’t tell him why. The only thing she told him is that people didn’t get sent to prison for drinking and smoking- that they needed to do  _ really _ bad things to be arrested.

  
  


The next day in school, Baekhyun learned in which way drinking and smoking were bad. They were bad for health, his teacher had said. And when Baekhyun, remembering his mother was pregnant, asked if it was also bad for babies, the teacher said yes- that it was especially bad for pregnant women.

  
  


When Baekhyun tried telling his mother, she laughed it off.  _ “I’ve been smoking and drinking my entire life, Baekhyun. A pregnancy won’t stop me.” _

  
  


_ “Did you stop when you were pregnant with me?” _

  
  


Her eyes averted from his gaze, and she looked down, like she had to be ashamed of her answer. So she hadn’t.

  
  


_ “I did. I stopped when I learned I was pregnant with you.” _

  
  


And before he could ask why she wasn’t doing the same for his sibling, she interrupted his train of thought.  _ “We were happier back then, Baekhyun. Your father and I… we were happy. It’s not the same anymore.” _

  
  


This time, Baekhyun didn’t try to open old topics because he knew now- it didn’t change anything. His father could beat her all he wanted, treat him like the dirt on his shoe, and she still wouldn’t leave.

  
  


He didn’t understand it. Why were they not happy anymore? And why was she not leaving?

  
  


She never answered him.

  
  


Before Baekhyun turned ten years old, as his mother neared her third month of pregnancy, she lost the baby.  _ “A miscarriage.”  _ She told him, and spent the entire night drinking and crying and telling him about her problems.

  
  


How unhappy she was, how much she wanted to go back to the old times when they were more than happy, how nothing made sense anymore. And in the rush or perhaps the moment, she told him about her younger years- about how her parents were, how well they treated her, and how wrong she was for having chosen this man.

  
  


Baekhyun was smart this time. He didn’t ask her why she wasn’t leaving. This time, he thought, he would not. And maybe that’d be the way to make her understand that she had to think for herself.

  
  


And the day he finally turned ten, his mother was pissed drunk somewhere in the living room, his father had gone out to God knows where and Baekhyun had been grateful that at the very least, his father was out and his mother, unconscious.

  
  


He liked time alone- time where no one was around him. Baekhyun learned that this was the safest way to spend time.

  
  


When Byun Baekhyun turned eleven, he started noticing how different his family was from the other kids’ families in his class.

  
  


His mother didn’t make him lunch boxes and his father didn’t give him pocket money. They didn’t go to his teacher-parent reunions, and they had never been interested in accompanying the class on trips.

  
  


Baekhyun also learned that inviting people over was a no.

  
  


So he didn’t. Instead, he’d go over to their place and pray his father wouldn’t notice his absence.

  
  


And as he turned twelve years old, Baekhyun saw a change in his father’s attitude. While his mother was still drowning whatever she had to drown in liquor, his father started being interested in him.

  
  


Started looking at his grades. Asking who his friends were. What he wanted to do with his life. And as odd as it may sound, it made Baekhyun happy.

  
  


The man was taking an interest with him- he wanted to get to know Baekhyun. 

  
  


But… that also didn’t go well. 

  
  


What he got out of it was more screaming when his grades weren’t good enough, his father yelling at him when he was out of the house for too long, or even, sometimes, calling as he was in the middle of something with friends to tell him to go back right away.

  
  


Baekhyun tried not going out anymore, and focused, as hard as the subjects were, to get better grades.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned thirteen years old, his father finally landed himself a job.

  
  


There was one time where Baekhyun was going back home, and only two stops away from his own, he realised he had lost his house key. It was supposed to be in the smallest pocket of his school bag, and no matter how much he searched for it, there was nothing. 

  
  


So he thought, going down at his friend’s house stop and waiting until his mother was back home to call would be a good idea.

  
  


Except apparently his  _ father _ had been waiting at his bus stop, and he called him- he had bought him a phone- just to know where he was- asked where he was and started screaming so hard when he learned Baekhyun didn’t go down at his own stop.

  
  


Said he’d kill him as soon as he got home- that he’d make him live through hell for having wasted his time.

  
  


And although Baekhyun was used to hearing that, it didn’t stop him from being scared. It didn’t stop him from fearing going back home. And worse even, he knew his father had to go get him, because his mother had neither a car, nor a driving license. She always walked to his bus stop.

  
  


Baekhyun’s father yelled at him all the way back in the car, but he didn’t touch him. 

  
  
  


Turned out the key had slipped down because his pocket was torn- his bag was old, and it was slowly coming undone. But that he didn’t tell him.

  
  


He had learned fast enough to make himself small and unheard. Not to ask nor to attract attention.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned fourteen years old, exactly a week after his birthday, where this time his mother remembered him enough to buy him a muffin and a few cheap candles from the dollar store, two police officers came knocking at his door.

  
  


They came for his father.

  
  


Baekhyun learned that night that the ‘bad things’ his father had done years ago were drug dealing, being involved in a criminal gang as well possessing weapons. This night however, they were here to arrest him under the accusation of having committed burglary and participated in human trafficking.

  
  


It made him happy, seeing his father being taken away. It made his mother miserable, however.

  
  


She blamed him- said he had called the police on his father and it was his fault they showed up..

  
  


Said he had destroyed their family. That he was to blame. 

  
  


From this point on, she drowned herself in more alcohol, and left the house every single day. Baekhyun guessed it was to go see him, and he wondered why she never let him visit his father in prison during the first seven years of his life.

  
  


Baekhyun felt guilty, no matter how much sense it did not make- he didn’t call the cops on him, but perhaps the neighbors heard them. Perhaps his friends at school noticed the bruises on his arms, or the look on his face.

  
  
  


Perhaps he had accidentally told a friend he didn’t want to go back home. And perhaps none of it was his fault because this wasn’t the first time this man Baekhyun strangely called his father had been arrested.

  
  


So maybe he deserved it, for what he had done to Baekhyun and his mother. And for the crimes he was accused of.

  
  


This, Baekhyun tried telling his mother. That the man was a criminal and that they should have no association with such people- that they were  _ bad _ . She heard none of it and slapped him across the face, telling him he knew nothing to be teaching her things at his young age.

  
  


And that was the day Baekhyun discovered his mother had not been that different from his father.

  
  


Maybe she deserved it too, her pain. Maybe she was not a criminal, but for the parent she was, maybe she deserved to suffer.

  
  


Baekhyun realised then that he couldn’t stay in this house. He didn’t know how he managed seven years with her and then seven years with the both of them, but he knew with certainty that a little more of this and he’d lose his mind. So while his mother continued living on alcohol and government-sent paychecks, Baekhyun decided to find himself a job.

  
  


Money. He needed money to move out.

  
  


The job was not too bad and Baekhyun was grateful he could make money after school- as well as diminish the time he’d have to spend in his mother’s company. He was lucky they even considered taking him, for the mere job of a cashier, with the little education and no experience he had.

  
  


He learned how to cook, sick of the preheated pizza in the oven and the casual instant noodle cups sitting on the kitchen table- filling the kitchen table like they were actual meals. He’d always cook for two, leaving his mother a plate as well. The reason, he couldn’t say. Perhaps he was scared she’d yell at him for only thinking of himself, perhaps he felt bad for her.

  
  


Baekhyun really didn’t know.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned fifteen, his mother came home with another tummy- another pregnancy. His father had yet to serve two years of his sentence, so it couldn’t have been his.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t ask. Asking meant prying and prying upset people. Upset people scared Baekhyun, so he didn’t ask.

  
  


She never stopped drinking, nor smoking, which is why Baekhyun was surprised when she lasted over two months before having another miscarriage.

  
  


This time, she didn’t even cry. Continued her day like nothing had happened.

  
  


And that’s when he knew- Baekhyun would never settle for a partner who resembled his father. Baekhyun would rather stay alone his entire life than be with someone like him. Away from crimes, he promised himself. Nor someone like her.

  
  


He’d work and make money and live an honest life away from his parents and crime.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned sixteen, he had gathered quite a sum of money. It would last him perhaps half a year if he were to pay for rent, food and a phone with basic settings. He needed more.

  
  


Finishing high school was a great start, at the very least. He could continue working and putting his money away like this until he was done- he’d have more of it, anyways.

  
  


The only problem was that his father was to be released the next year. And Baekhyun certainly didn’t want to be there, nor to see him again.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned seventeen years old, he managed to leave the family house.

  
  
  


If and when his father was released, that he had no idea and he didn’t intend on finding out. His mother had not even noticed he was packing as Baekhyun chose a day to do so when he knew she’d be out.

  
  


He didn’t have much to take with him. The few pieces of clothing he had, his toothbrush, his textbooks and his phone. It all easily fit in one small luggage and it made Baekhyun happy, that he wouldn’t have much to carry.

  
  


Except what he didn’t know, is that he’d end up carrying much more than he expected. Just not in the luggage.

  
  


And when Baekhyun was seventeen years old and two months, he learned what family meant.

  
  


Family meant three things; danger, misery, and pain.


	2. What Growing Up Means

As much as being around his parents made Baekhyun sick, he never thought the outside world would bring him just as many problems.

  
  


He didn’t have to worry about dodging his mother and her terrible habits, nor did he have to fear the moment his father would walk through the door. 

No. 

He had to worry about bills and groceries and washing his clothes and going to work.

  
  


Baekhyun had not yet turned eighteen. He had graduated from high school, had gotten his diploma, only to continue working as a cashier during the summer. 

  
  


September came, and Baekhyun was not back in school. He couldn’t afford going to college.

  
  


There was too much on his mind- too little time. And obviously, not enough money. Baekhyun found that what he saved while he was still living with his mother had gone out quickly and that he had underestimated the cost of life.

  
  


Water. Electricity. Rent. Phone bills. Groceries. Monthly bus pass. Medication. Clothes.

  
  


It had all been spent just like that.

  
  


His mother never tried contacting him, and he had not seen her around. At least, he had been gifted in that area.

  
  


It was tight, living like this. Baekhyun barely managed, barely had any money left at the end of the month, and even with the overtime shifts he managed to take, he could not afford to put money aside- who knew when emergencies would arise and he’d be stuck, completely penniless?

  
  


There was a boy around his age called Luhan at the grocery store he worked in. He was the cashier standing at the cash register right behind him.

  
  


Baekhyun knew him, often said  _ hello _ and  _ goodbye _ at the beginning and ending of his shifts, sometimes meeting him in the employees’ room during his lunch break.

  
  


Luhan looked older than him. His eyes were never void of eyeliner, and his hair was dyed every month a new color. Luhan liked wearing rings on his fingers and worn out shoes on his feet.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned eighteen years old, Luhan approached him with an offer.

  
  


_ “You could make a lot more money. I work there and I make tons.” _

  
  


So naturally, Baekhyun’s first instinct was to be suspicious, but he still asked. Desperate times called for desperate measures.  _ “What do you do?” _

  
  


Erotic dancing, was the answer.

  
  


_ “Women are… into that?”  _

  
  


All Luhan did was laugh and shake his head.  _ “Men, silly. Men would be very much into  _ you _.” _

  
  


For a reason he couldn’t pinpoint, Baekhyun was surprised. Men? He’d be appealing to  _ men _ ?

  
  


And just why did Luhan think of approaching him? Was he a pimp?

  
  


_ “I don’t think that’s the right job for me.” _

  
  


_ “Whatever you decide. If you’re ever interested and in need of some extra cash, let me know.” _

  
  


Besides the fact that Baekhyun could not dance to save his life, he couldn’t think about selling his body for money nor trusting the older boy he thought was more than a little weird, the idea that he’d appeal to men rather than women stayed in his head for much longer.

  
  


He didn’t have anything against gay men. He just… never really gave it any thought. 

  
  


Baekhyun never took the time to think about his sexuality- nor about anything else now that he let the thought cloud his mind.

  
  


All these years, he never gave it any thought. Never sat down and wondered who he was, nor who he wanted to be. What he wanted, was to be away from his parents.

  
  


But he wouldn’t do it, no. He wouldn't sell his body for money.

  
  


Even if technically he would just be dancing. He’d get paid to dance… dancing isn’t a bad thing, not even if it’s erotic. 

  
  


No. Baekhyun wouldn’t do it.

  
  


The first month after hearing about it from Luhan, Baekhyun didn’t do it. He knew nothing about Luhan, and Luhan’s intentions were… unclear.

  
  


The second month came, and Baekhyun still didn’t.

  
  


When the third month came, and Baekhyun was still tight on cash- not curious about what  _ men _ would think of him- he went to Luhan.

  
  


_ “Just to see.” _

  
  


_ “Sure thing. If you don’t like it, you can always back out.” _

  
  


It was a stupid thing to do, but Baekhyun needed the money. If anything were to happen, he had his phone in his pocket, 911 on dial already.

  
  
  


Baekhyun did not know how to dance, but one night in the gay bar Luhan worked for lead him to get the basics. Another night with one of their more experienced dancers on the pole had gotten Baekhyun multiple tricks under his belt.

  
  


A week later, Baekhyun was himself on that stage, dressed to provoke, makeup one of a whore.

  
  


_ “He’s pretty.” _

  
  


_ “He’s new.” _

  
  


_ “You think he provides special services?” _

  
  


So he danced- spread his legs and touched his body for their eyes. Rubbed himself against the pole, swirled a few times and came down without a scratch despite the enormous heels trapping his feet.

He was a  _ natural  _ they said.

  
  


Before being sent on stage, Luhan had told him he could sit at the edge of the stage and let them touch- if he felt like it. That’d make him more money. Clients loved touching.

  
  


And for a reason he ignored, already feeling like a whore, void of what he believed were morals and values, Baekhyun walked to the edge and spread his legs, feeling hands all over his dick and balls.

  
  


They told him to lie down- not stay seated- so they could access his ass cheeks better.

  
  


Hands. 

  
  


Hands all over him- touching, caressing, some spanking his sensitive areas.

  
  


And for a reason he couldn’t admit, it felt good. He was hardening under their hands, and he felt good.

  
  


That night- an hour later, according to his shift- Baekhyun had made two times what he did at the grocery stores for an eight hours shift.

  
  


There was no point in denying what was right in front of his eyes; it would pay more than just the bills, would not use up his entire day, and it felt… good.

  
  


At that time, admitting to himself he was attracted to men was honestly not the worst of things he had ever gone through. Yes, it would make his life harder and yes he felt like a cheap whore, but it was what it was.

  
  


Baekhyun had gone through enough things in life to know that being gay was not, at the end of the day, a problem he’d worry too much about.

  
  


He had bills to pay. A living to make. And parents to stay away from.

  
  


So how wrong was it, that his new job encouraged him to… experience?

  
  


Instead of working six days of the week at the grocery store, Baekhyun started working five- just in case.

  
  


Just in case he didn’t make as much money on his second night, or if he lost his backup plan.

  
  


And when he made more on the second night, even more on the third and enough for two weeks worth on the fourth, Baekhyun understood that maybe this was where he should be focusing.

  
  


He lowered his days to two, spending the rest of his nights in the bar.

  
  


_ “You’d make more money if you slept with clients.” _ Luhan told him, during their shared lunch break. _ “Some of them are crazy rich, and they tip generously.” _

  
  


There was simply…. no way he’d do that. Not only was Baekhyun a virgin, but he didn’t trust nameless faces enough to follow them to a room and let himself be vulnerable and naked for them. Even if Luhan didn’t turn out to be the pimp Baekhyun thought he was.

  
  


He wouldn’t.

  
  


_ “Some of my clients buy me gifts.” _ Luhan told him.  _ “I’m almost like a sugar baby.” _

  
  


_ “A prostitute, you mean.” _

  
  


_ “However you wanna call it. It’s nice, easy money. Do you know any job where you get paid to feel a cock up your ass? I don’t think so.” _

  
  


But even with the offer, the gifts and the higher salary, Baekhyun could not bring himself to it- now  _ that _ would be selling his body for money. That would be being a whore.

  
  


Baekhyun was not a whore. And he wouldn’t become one.

  
  


Dancing half-naked and getting felt up by random horny men was his limit. He didn’t have a lot of dignity left, but for some reason, Baekhyun wanted to protect it.

  
  


It was insane, the amount of money other dancers made from sleeping with clients. Baekhyun thought it was absolutely nuts for someone to be paying this much just for a hole to fuck.

  
  


Apparently, these people were rich. Disgustingly rich. And they liked flaunting their money, because that was their only personality trait.

  
  


There had been this group coming in and out for the past week, always the same people. The richest looking man, the two men at his sides which Baekhyun believed were his bodyguards, and the two ones behind, protecting his back.

  
  


It was ridiculous, for a person to own this much money. Ridiculous hearing the man making offers with prostitutes on the side for a night in his house- he had booked five while Baekhyun watched-  _ five _ .

For  _ what _ ?

  
  


But Baekhyun remembered the lessons he learned back home- don’t ask, don’t pry. The less involved, the better.

  
  


So he didn’t, kept to himself and danced and earned his money. What more if just  _ one _ of his clients turned out to be as sick as his father? Baekhyun was not ready for that risk.

  
  


But to be able to work at the bar, Baekhyun had to maintain himself. 

  
  


He had to present himself hairless on stage- thus getting waxed every single week all over his body; armpits, arms, thighs, legs, around his dick and balls as well as his asshole. He had to keep wearing- buying- makeup. He needed outfits and heels. He needed perfume- the expensive kind that would last him the entire night.

  
  


And on certain occasions, Baekhyun had to get his eyelashes done. His nails. Had to get his entire body treated so it was soft to the touch. For special nights, his boss would tell him.  _ Themed nights _ .

  
  


Maintaining it was… hard.

  
  


Sometimes, as Baekhyun was twirling around the pole, he wondered if he really was a whore. 

  
  


He wondered what his father would say upon seeing him like this, if his mother would even react.

  
  


Baekhyun wondered if he should have just kept working eight hour shifts at the grocery store and sufficed himself with that money. But as the saying went, the more you made money, the more you wanted to make.

  
  


And it was true. Baekhyun wanted money- he wanted to make as much as he could- more than he’d need, perhaps to compensate.

  
  


Was he doing this, as a late teenager rebellion phase? Was he doing this because he never had the chance to?

  
  


Except that now, there was no one to stop him.

  
  


No one to stop him from spreading his legs to strangers and letting them feel his fluttering hole through the leather costume.

  
  


There was no one to order him, and he knew what he was doing felt dirty. As if being repressed his entire life, Baekhyun finally needed to do something-  _ anything _ .

  
  


He wouldn’t sleep with clients though- no, that he wouldn’t.

  
  


But sometimes, Baekhyun wondered. 

  
  


He wondered about the people who grew up in the same time frame as him, but with different parents. He wondered what they had become, and if they even had anything in common.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned nineteen, he wondered about sex. 

  
  


A late realisation perhaps, but he wondered about it on the late nights he’d take a taxi back home, now being able to afford such luxury. Sometimes he wondered about his parents, and if his mother was okay.

  
  


Stupid of him, that was certain, but he wondered if his father had gotten out of prison, if his mother was okay- if she was still smoking and drinking.

  
  


But sex, for a reason he ignored, fascinated him.

  
  


Was it, perhaps, because he couldn’t explore it as a teenager like everyone else did?

  
  


Was it, perhaps, because he had found a new joy in thinking of men?

  
  


Or was it because Baekhyun was nineteen years old and yet was still a virgin?

  
  


He wasn’t a complete whore, yet. Baekhyun did not sell his body for money- completely. He wasn’t useless like his father, like his mother- he made a living. Out of something shameful, perhaps, but he still did. He could afford to live comfortably.

  
  


And it was greed, he admitted that made him decide to sleep with a client.

  
  


Baekhyun was not a whore. But Baekhyun was also not stupid.

  
  


He knew- he  _ knew _ there was no hope in waiting for the  _ right one  _ to have sex with because the right one did not exist- either men were like his father, or they were liars, able to lie their way into your heart until you trusted them enough to stab you.

  
  


It was something he learned on the job.

  
  


But the bar promised safe clients, almost working like a brothel. It promised him sexually healthy clients- as condoms were barely ever used, just as they promised the clients clean prostitutes through testing.

  
  


And Baekhyun, although nineteen of age, had no one to guide him. To tell him that perhaps that was not his best idea of the year- that just weeks ago he was totally against the idea.

  
  


No, he wanted to lose it. Baekhyun wanted to have sex and see if men could really live up to the image he had of them- in bed only. Baekhyun was not stupid enough to think they deserved a place anywhere in his mind.

  
  


At least, he knew that. At the very least, Baekhyun was not stupid enough to think they were paying for anything more than a warm hole to fuck.

  
  


So he thought, who, out of the faces he saw, could be trusted enough to enter a room with him and lie naked under him?

  
  


There was one Baekhyun remembered often seeing at the edge of the stage. He was not one to touch, but one to watch. And he was always there for Baekhyun’s performance.

  
  


Instead of announcing he was accepting to sleep with clients, Baekhyun went to him and told him in private.

  
  


Asked if he was interested and almost,  _ almost _ offered to pay him just so he could be gentle- to tell him it was his first time. But instead, the man seemed delighted, accepting right away.

  
  


Baekhyun let him lead the way to the second floor of the building.  _ “I’ve come here often.” _

  
  


So naturally, Baekhyun told him  _ “I’ve never had sex.” _

  
  


Perhaps it was a kink for men like him, deflowering young boys, especially considering their age gap- the man was thirty-five, and Baekhyun, nineteen. Perhaps he felt accomplished, knowing he was about to be the first person inside him.

  
  


_ “You’ll see.” _ He told him.  _ “Sex feels really good.” _

  
  


That night, Baekhyun sucked cock for the first time in his life; there, in a pseudo-expensive hotel room, on his knees. That same night, Baekhyun tasted cum in his mouth before getting thrown on the bed and stripped of his clothes.

  
  


There was no denying he liked cocks-  _ men- _ as said man fingered his asshole. 

  
  


There was absolutely  _ no _ denying he liked cocks when he felt the man’s cock push inside him- when even through the burn, he wanted him to continue. To fuck him. To know what it felt to have a cock forcing in and out of his now non-virgin asshole.

  
  


That same man took Baekhyun’s first kiss, right as he pushed inside him for the second time.

  
  


And even when there was nothing but warm cum inside his stretched hole, bills on the nightstand and nothing but an empty room, Baekhyun thought it had been worth it.

  
  


He liked it. Tried to focus on that when the man told him he had to go this early.

  
  


_ “My wife’s waiting.” _

  
  


Baekhyun tried not to let it get to his head- he didn’t know. He didn’t know the man was married- didn’t know he helped him cheat.

  
  


The man should have told him. He should have told him and Baekhyun should have known.

  
  


A liar- that’s what he had predicted. Either sick in the head like his father or liars, pretending they were better than openly sick ones.

  
  


And in the shower, scrubbing the filth off his skin, Baekhyun wondered if his father had been like this towards his mother- if he had sought whores to keep him warm at night just like she had when he was sent back to prison.

  
  


Disgusting, was what it was. And Baekhyun was determined to prove that he was not disgusting.

  
  
  


Except how? How could he do that- ask them in advance if they had partners they were committed to?

  
  


Ask if their partners knew?

  
  


No.

  
  


_ No. _

  
  


_ Remember what you learned. _

  
  


_ Do not ask and do not pry.  _

  
  


Why did he keep forgetting these lessons?

  
  


How come, he thought these were far away in his mind- as if they didn’t apply anywhere but back home, with his parents?

  
  


Stupid. He had slept with one man and the physical pleasure had clouded his mind.

  
  


Men weren’t reliable.

  
  


But then again, his mother wasn’t. Women weren’t either.

  
  


Perhaps no one ever was meant to be- reliable.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned twenty years old, he learned how naive he had been.

  
  
  


How naive he had been to think there was any sort of ethics- morals, in a job like his. He laughed it off and remembered how disturbed he had been to learn that the first man he allowed to penetrate him was married.

  
  


Baekhyun had still been living in a dream- a ridiculous one where he thought people ever care about others’ feelings.

  
  


Who’d care, about a  _ whore’s _ feelings?

  
  


And perhaps he had been too… optimistic.

  
  


Maybe there was nothing of the sort- maybe people were just horrible by nature. Baekhyun had simply expected too much.

  
  


Baekhyun should have looked at the important things- people did not matter.  _ He _ did. What was important was if  _ he _ survived and if that meant sleeping with a married man, then so be it. He couldn’t expect himself to be nice to everyone- he was his number one priority.

  
  


That was the only way to survive.

  
  


But then he remembered his rules and added  _ Don’t be naive _ and  _ Expect no good _ to the list.

  
  


After this one client, Baekhyun decided he wouldn’t sleep with any more of them. Once had been enough, and Baekhyun was still making a decent living dancing in the bar. He had lost his virginity, like he wanted to and that was enough for him.

  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty years and six months old, he learned what growing up meant.

  
  


Growing up meant three things; responsibilities, abstraction of morals, and sex.


	3. What Being Useful Means

Weird things happened before Baekhyun turned twenty-one years old.

  
  


To begin with, he had no choice but to find himself a new place to live. The building he had been living in for four years was going to be destroyed soon, as it was deemed too old and shabby to pass government regulations. 

  
  


They’d rebuild it, but in the meantime, the tenants had to relocate themselves.

  
  


A hassle, was what this entire thing was.

  
  


Baekhyun liked this place because it was close to the bar he worked in, because rent was something he could afford, and because the other tenants kept to themselves.

  
  


No one bothered to ask him for sugar- to welcome new arrivants, or to make friends with him. They lived their lives and left everyone else to live theirs.

  
  


Baekhyun was a fan of that- being left alone. People not approaching him, he loved that perhaps a little too much.

  
  


And it explained why he had no friends- perhaps only Luhan, but even this boy could not be counted as a friend- and no lover. Left with no choice but to also leave his family behind, Baekhyun found himself with truly no one.

  
  


Even if he wanted friends, where would he find them, having kept contact with absolutely no one from high school? If he wanted a lover- how could he trust a man?

  
  


How would anyone accept his occupation and still love him?

  
  


As if that was not enough, the government had found out about the bar’s  _ special nights  _ and ordered to have it closed if they could not pay the fee for having gone above the law- prostitution was a criminal offence.

  
  
  


Baekhyun should have known. It was too good to be true, being paid so much for just dancing and a few touches here and there. But hearing it from someone else’s mouth- hearing them say it was prostitution-  _ prostitution _ that he had been doing for three years hit differently.

  
  


He was a  _ prostitute _ . Baekhyun was a prostitute and to think he had mocked Luhan with it years ago- telling him that no he was  _ not _ a sugar baby, that he was a  _ prostitute _ .

  
  


It still made no sense because only the bar owners were punished, not the prostitutes. The men who had sought their services and who were caught, as well.

  
  


Absolutely no sense. It made no sense to Baekhyun even though he was glad they wouldn’t come after him. Still, why punish the ones organising and utilizing such services, and not the ones offering?

  
  


The laws were shady, and they would only drive him into unsafe practices.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned twenty-one, he was back at the grocery store. Instead of working six days a week, he needed to work seven. The shifts he previously had were changed as well, as he had to fill in the only vacant place.

  
  


From 4 pm to midnight, that was his new shift. And a month in, he was already so sick of it. Baekhyun still couldn’t believe he was making tons of money just from dancing.

  
  


_ Dancing _ .

  
  


And he’d go there happy- only getting there at six in the afternoon.

  
  


This grocery store job was not cutting it. 

  
  


Baekhyun was sick of it already, so he did what he could have done best; reach out to Luhan and ask him, just like he had been the one to introduce him to this lifestyle, if he had any vacant job for him- anything.

  
  


Another bar. Private clients. Shows. 

  
  


_ Anything _ , but this.

  
  


Luhan had a job for him, but it didn’t come without warnings. “ _ It’s for a mafia boss. He wants whores.” _

  
  


For a split second, Baekhyun was reminded of his father and his time in prison- his affiliation to groups like these and where exactly it had led the man he somehow still referred to as his father.

  
  


Baekhyun was reminded of his father and of his mother, and the memories associated with these people were, easily put, not ones he wanted to remember. What Baekhyun wanted, was to forget. Push these away in the back of his mind, in the little box no one could reach for but him, and bury them there.

  
  


The answer to Luhan’s offer was no. There was no way he’d get involved with someone like his father- someone worse even. His father was not a  _ mafia boss _ despite his criminal records.

  
  


_ “Isn’t there anything else?”  _ He asked, certain there must be one or two clients he could start seeing regularly.

  
  


Luhan looked just as dejected. _ “With the police on their back, even the richest of motherfuckers are backing off for now. Not for the fee, but for their wives not to know… the only ones not afraid of the police are the mafia.” _

  
  


There went Baekhyun’s hopes- out of the window.

  
  


_ “He’s offering rent and food. And a place to maintain yourself.” _

  
  


Now that… that was ridiculously appealing. What was he asking for, just a hole?

  
  


_ “He likes having a multitude of whores. Given, he’ll test you for diseases before you get in, but these are the qualifications.” _ Luhan told him.

  
  


Baekhyun was slowly, very slowly, losing his mind. So he asked.  _ “How is it in there?” _

  
  


_ “I’m not working there. I’m working for one of their alliance groups, but I heard it from my boss this morning. I can take you there if you want.” _

  
  


Time. He needed time to think. _ “Give me a few days and I’ll get back with an answer.” _

  
  


On his way home that morning, Baekhyun thought no. No- simply no. There was no way he’d do that.

  
  


Given, sometimes Baekhyun was stupid. He’d throw out what he learned in his family household and pretend these rules did not apply to the outside world.

  
  


He had done that when he let Luhan convince him of working as a dancer, and when he actually did it. He had done that when he slept with one client just to lose his virginity.

  
  


Sometimes, yes, he did it.

  
  


But pushing as far as this? Baekhyun couldn’t.

  
  


No, he wouldn’t… but he needed money. He couldn’t live this tight on money for the rest of his life.

  
  


What else would he do, at twenty-one years old with no diploma whatsoever after high school?

  
  


And then an idea came to him- he could do online sex work. Sell nudes and videos and make men pay to have cam sessions with him.

  
  


That was safe. Much,  _ much _ safer than what Luhan was proposing.

  
  


And as safe as it was, it was also not working.

  
  


He’d need time to build a page- a name, a reputation. He could not live like this, making barely a sale per week.

  
  


Perhaps he could try getting government-sent paychecks, just like his mother. Except she didn’t work- could not work apparently ruled out by her doctor for alcoholism. And they would not help him, not when they’d see he quit his job voluntarily without a medical excuse.

  
  


It’s not like the money sent by the government would suffice to pay for the way he was living.

  
  


One thing he was proud of, was how different he was from his parents. How well- _luxuriously_ , he had been living.

  
  


Baekhyun was not useless. He made sure he was useful, to himself certainly, but useful. He didn’t just sit around waiting for things to happen.  _ He _ made sure they did.

  
  


It was tempting, the entire deal. He wouldn’t have to worry about anything but looking presentable and getting fucked.

  
  


But it was also dangerous, his brain reminded him.

  
  


_ “It’s better than being homeless.”  _ He whispered back.

  
  


He’d never have to worry about rent and groceries and what it cost him to maintain himself- he’d even be protected. Baekhyun had to be- he had to be, right?

  
  


What was the saying again?  _ Don’t touch the boss’ whores? _

  
  


It was tempting just as much as terrifying. Baekhyun knew that once he entered the mafia’s circle, there was no way out. Well, besides death..

  
  


Was that the life he wanted for himself- permanently?

  
  


Was Baekhyun ready to sign his freedom away, when he didn’t even know how the man was? If he could trust him to look well after him?

  
  


Baekhyun had to survive. He hadn’t come this far to end up on the streets- to live on a tight month to month budget. Didn’t he deserve a little luxury, after it all?

  
  


They’ll be a group, Luhan had told him. The mafia boss already had five whores, so Baekhyun wouldn’t be alone.

  
  


How hard would it be, to suck cock and offer his ass for relief?

  
  


Becoming a criminal had never been part of his plan, but sometimes, Baekhyun found, life forced it out of him. Getting involved with such people meant signing his life away, quite literally.

  
  


It meant now and always being tied to the mafia, it meant entering without ever exiting.

  
  


What did he have to lose, anymore?

  
  


Family?

  
  


Friends?

  
  


A lover?

  
  


Baekhyun had none of them. No.

  
  


What he had was an old apartment, a job he hated, and no diploma. 

  
  


Maybe sometimes in life, the right thing to do was to forget about things that were set before- maybe what Baekhyun needed to do was survive day by day, and not think of the ones to come.

  
  


He didn’t know what would happen to him in a week- in a month, even less in a year. What mattered was now-  _ now  _ because only now was Baekhyun sure he was alive.

  
  


Had his father been like this too, left with no choice but to become a criminal? Had life forced it out of him, too?

  
  


But Baekhyun wouldn’t- he wouldn’t kill people and engage in drugs and get anywhere near weapons. What he’d be there for was sex- to offer sex and entertain the mafia boss when he needed relief after a stressful day. There, he’d have Baekhyun on his knees for him, both holes ready however the man wanted to stick it in him.

  
  


It made him a whore- it sure made him a whore. It made him no less than the girls he saw on the streets half-naked when it was nearing eleven in the night, standing on crowded streets trying to seduce men for some fun in a cheap motel suite.

  
  


It made Baekhyun a whore and a criminal by association. It didn’t even make him safe.

  
  


But the next day, as he walked towards Luhan during the lunch break, Baekhyun knew that he was better off with a rich criminal than on the streets for anyone to take advantage of him.

  
  


At least, working as a whore assured him a bed and food. The sex was consensual- he hoped it would be- and Baekhyun would be tested, meaning the man cared about not catching diseases.

  
  


Could he have worked all seven days of the week at the grocery store to afford his expenses? He could have.

  
  


Would he suck it up and live the rest of his life like that? Baekhyun would not.

  
  


_ “So you’ve decided?” _

  
  


Baekhyun did.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The reality was different from what Baekhyun expected. And for that, he wondered what he was even expecting from such a job.

  
  


He was tested before being added to the group of whores belonging to a man who went by the name of Mal-Chin. Baekhyun didn’t know whether it was his real name or not, and he didn’t need to know as the man had told them to call him  _ Master _ . 

  
  


Baekhyun was clean, meaning he was safe to add to the group, and safe to be penetrated without a condom.

  
  


Contrary to popular belief- one Baekhyun believed in at the very least, it was very rare for Mal-Chin to take more than a bottom to his bed at the same time.

  
  


They were all stories.

  
  


He only had one dick after all. 

  
  


What he wanted, was multiple whores to choose from. To show he possessed more than one- show he had this much power. That even in this area of cheap things and immoral pleasure, Mal-Chin owned not one, nor two, but six beautiful sluts.

  
  
  


It was only a week after arriving that Baekhyun’s new employee-  _ owner _ \- came to get what he paid for. Baekhyun sucked as deep as he could, remembering his first time with a client and all the porn he had seen, but nothing could compare to the real thing.

  
  


Mal-Chin was greedy, and Baekhyun unprepared. It was to be expected, how he choked and suffocated on air when the mafia boss started fucking his mouth, only to give him a break after a good laugh.

  
  


_ “Virgin, ain’t you?” _

  
  


Telling the truth at this point and time was useless- would destroy the little fantasy the man already had in his head. Baekhyun liked thinking he was born to please- not to upset.

  
  


Not to argue. To please.

  
  


“Yes, Master.” Baekhyun told him, fluttering his eyelashes at him. “You are my first one.”

  
  


And this night, as Baekhyun had sex for the second time of his life, he understood what it was all about.

  
  


What it was about for this man to have whores- to still be hiring, as he heard his companions talk.

  
  


With as much power as he must have, Baekhyun still didn’t understand why he needed more in bed- why he needed to feel in control and take pleasure in deflowering a boy, in feeling proud of having taken something that belonged to him.

  
  


But then he understood, as the man thrust inside him, calling him all sorts of names. He needed the validation.

  
  


Mal-Chin, the big, bad mafia boss- the one who dealt with life and death like a game, needed sexual validation at his old age.

  
  


It didn’t matter that he killed people and made money and treated his subordinates like shit, because this man in his fifties still had sexual needs.

  
  


And that, Baekhyun caught on quickly, putting on his best show for his new boss, pretending it hurt when he penetrated him, that he was so big Baekhyun could feel it in his stomach.

  
  


_ “I like it hairless.”  _ He told him, stilling his cock inside him.  _ “Just like that, sweetheart. Soft everywhere. That’s what I like to see.” _

  
  


Perhaps this was what made Baekhyun the best at his job- reading the room and noticing details. Being able to read people and interpret- and that ability, he had no one but his father to thank for.

  
  


When Baekhyun turned twenty-one years old, he noticed that the other prostitutes didn’t meddle much with him like they did with each other. He couldn’t have counted them one by one, but they must not have been over ten.

  
  


And none of them approached Baekhyun.

  
  


Given, he was more than glad for that, even if deep down it had started getting lonely.

  
  


Even if deep down he wished he had someone to talk to, even if that person was to be Luhan- the boy he talked to so little in so many years he could count them on a single hand.

  
  


Still, he swallowed these childish  _ wants _ down and was grateful for his life; Mal-Chin didn’t abuse him, he had a roof over his head, food in his mouth, and clothes on his back.

  
  


Now what Mal-Chin did with other people-  _ to _ other people was not his responsibility. How moral or immoral this man was, was none of his business.

  
  


He was here for a job, and long ago he learned that ethics, in a job where you sold your dignity and your body, no longer existed.

  
  


Baekhyun wasn’t allowed outside, as those were the orders. Mal-Chin didn’t want any of his whores outside.

  
  


_ “Could be dangerous.” _ He told Baekhyun after finishing inside him. “ _ Don’t know when they’ll try to catch you to upset me. Stay inside and I’ll get you what ya need.” _

  
  


Not one to disobey or upset, Baekhyun followed these instructions to the letter, never going outside- not even on the balcony. He made sure to always appeal to the mafia boss; getting a weekly wax for his entire body by the two professional women living inside the mansion to maintain the whores, wearing whorish makeup- Mal-Chin liked looking at Baekhyun knowing he resembled a cheap whore he could have picked from the streets for a 20$ blowjob.

  
  


Mal-Chin liked Baekhyun’s smudged, ruined makeup. He liked tying up Baekhyun with handcuffs on the headboard, calling him degrading names until he came inside him.

  
  


To Baekhyun, it was nothing more than a job. He pleased him, made sure he was still useful and appealing, never upset him, tried getting on his good side and prayed he was doing well.

  
  


It wasn’t to say Baekhyun  _ trusted  _ the man with his life, but it wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be.

  
  


His days consisted of the same routine, over and over; he could sleep in, because the mafia boss only demanded sex in the afternoon, after having looked after urgent matters. Baekhyun would wake up, brush his teeth and wash his face, apply a lightweight lotion to keep his skin glowing and young-looking and change out of his clothes. Inside the house, he was allowed to be dressed neatly, as the boss didn’t share his whores, Baekhyun had no business showing his asshole to anyone.

  
  


Whether it was breakfast or lunch, Baekhyun went to the kitchen and served himself a plate, thanking the chef before bringing it to his own room. He was not a fan of sitting among the rest of the prostitutes and the occasional bodyguards Mal-Chin left behind.

  
  


The mansion was huge, but Baekhyun had already gone through it- through the rooms he was allowed in, found things he could do all day long. While it was an easy job, Baekhyun found himself not doing much all day which is why he asked one of the guards if he was allowed to access the gym.

  
  


“ _ You?”  _ The guard laughed, looking Baekhyun up and down like he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Did the boss give you permission?”

  
  


Mal-Chin hadn’t. Baekhyun was just bored. “I haven’t asked Master about it yet as I wanted it to be a… surprise. I want to tone myself and look better for him.”

  
  


Lies. They were all lies and Baekhyun was the real Master behind them.

  
  


The guard nodded. “Don’t touch the weights, sweetheart. You’re not strong enough for them.”

  
  


Then he’d have time for a shower, grateful the room he was provided with had a bathroom. Baekhyun couldn’t imagine sharing his personal space with other people- with other whores who seemed to hate the living fuck out of him. So after a nice workout session, he’d go straight to his room, change his clothes and fill the bath.

  
  


Around this time, if he still had energy left, Baekhyun would read books. There was a library in the mansion, and Baekhyun was allowed to go in and take books. And if he was too tired, he’d take a nap- waiting for late lunch to be ready or to be woken up by Mal-Chin’s cock slipping inside him.

  
  


He had to be the favorite whore, Baekhyun noticed, when he compared the amount of time Mal-Chin would visit his room compared to his other companions. The mafia boss always came back with bags full of gifts, and Baekhyun made sure he never asked for anything.

  
  


That way, he’d look modest and docile. Easy to maintain- someone Mal-Chin could keep around him for a long time.

  
  


Given, Mal-Chin was over twice his age, more often than not reeked of sweat and cigarettes and barely ever satisfied him sexually. He wasn’t allowed outside and he hadn’t asked to access the Internet yet, but that didn’t matter much to Baekhyun. Waiting until the mafia boss was smitten for him would be worth it.

  
  


He’d let Mal-Chin go crazy over him just before starting to ask for things. Living like this, confined for the rest of life, was not the way to go.

  
  


There had to be a way. Baekhyun just needed to find it.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When Baekhyun turned twenty-two years old, Mal-Chin started getting rough with him. He didn’t know what had caused it, but the mafia boss wasn’t as approachable as he used to be.

  
  


He stopped buying Baekhyun gifts, refused him access to the gym and the library, and his chances at ever asking to be let out were now very, very slim. Mal-Chin didn’t use lube on his dick anymore, spitting in his palm to rub Baekhyun’s entrance as if that was enough. It wasn’t, and Baekhyun could only bear with it until his precum made it easier.

  
  


It was as if he wanted Baekhyun to be hurt on purpose. From now on, whenever he heard the doorknob turning, he’d get on his knees, opening his mouth to offer his throat first.

  
  


Getting mouth fucked didn’t hurt as much as getting ass fucked without lube.

  
  


The only time he was allowed outside of his room was to get food. This time, he decided to sit at the table with the other prostitutes, thinking he’d hear anything from them- hear why the old man he managed to seduce and manipulate was now turning against him. Except the prostitutes didn’t say a word.

  
  


Where the table was once chatty and noisy, a place Baekhyun wanted to escape from as fast as possible, it was now quiet. Every single one of the boys looking around Baekhyun’s age had their eyes on their plate, eating as if the others didn’t exist.

  
  


The guards standing behind them were also unusual- to be standing this close to them, at the very least.

  
  


When Baekhyun stood up to return his empty plate to the sink, one of the guards came to stand next to him. “ _ Go sit back down. _ ”

  
  


Baekhyun tried not to show he was scared. “Can I be excused to my room? Master should be here soon, and I must get ready for-”

  
  


“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

  
  


Something was wrong. But what- what exactly was it?

  
  


Mal-Chin’s attitude changed. The whores went quiet. The guards were abusing their power.

  
  


_ What happened? _

  
  


Two women came to a halt in front of the dining room, the ones Baekhyun remembered helped wax his body. “The boss asked for Baekhyun.”

  
  


The same guard who had told him to go sit nodded, making way for Baekhyun to pass in front of him and walk all the way to the two women.

  
  


_ Think. Think. _

  
  


_ What went wrong? _

  
  
  


Upon arriving in his room, Baekhyun dropped to his knees in front of Mal-Chin, ready to appease and soothe him. He’d make himself useful. He could do it. Baekhyun could do anything not to have him lose his temper.

  
  


When the doors closed, the mafia boss let out a laugh. “Baekhyun- ah,  _ Baekhyun _ . My favorite whore.”

  
  


Baekhyun answered with a smile, but the one he got in return didn’t look like a safe one. 

  
  


“Already on your knees for me… are you not just afraid I’ll make it hurt from behind?”

  
  


Had Baekhyun done something wrong- had he upset him?

  
  


“ _ Master _ .” He dropped his head to the floor, kneeling as best as he could. “Master, I belong entirely to you. There is no such thing, I assure you.”

  
  


“Really? Am I just imagining things then?” Mal-Chin hummed. “Very well, then. Undress.”

  
  


Sometimes, when Baekhyun used to find himself thinking of how easy life could have been a long time ago- how easy he could have had it all had he sold his body a long time ago. Had he joined Mal-Chin’s whores group two years ago, when he saw him in the bar booking boys for the night.

  
  


These thoughts, he had them when everything was going so well he couldn’t believe it. He’d think to himself  _ ahh, what a loss of time. And to think my life could have been this easy all this long. _

  
  


And sometimes, like this exact instant, Baekhyun wondered why he didn’t just stick to his grocery store job- why he was as stupid as this, to have thought integrating a criminal group for a more comfortable life was a smart choice.

  
  


It wasn’t.

  
  


He should have just stuck to his seven days job as a cashier.

  
  


Baekhyun undressed, letting his clothes and underwear pool on the floor next to his feet. Mal-Chin smiled the way Baekhyun remembered his father smiling, a little sick, very much amused.

  
  


So he kneeled, swallowed his breath and prayed someone would save him.

  
  


“See, Baekhyun. I think I’ve gone too soft on you. Maybe I did… maybe I should’ve made you understand how things work from the beginning.”

  
  


He expected a slap in his face, but what he got was the mafia boss yanking him by his hair, spitting on his face. “I went too soft over a nice hole and an obedient little bitch, but I should’ve taught you what happens to the ones who betray me.”

  
  


Baekhyun blinked-  _ what?  _ “Master, I- I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

  
  


“Of course you don’t.” Mal-Chin chuckled, pulling a gun from inside his suit. “Of course you don’t, sweet Baekhyun. You also certainly didn’t become my favorite just for that, didn’t you? Just to go around the mansion to  _ spend time _ roaming around freely?” He smiled, enjoying what must have looked like horror on Baekhyun’s face as he pointed the pistol in his direction. “Let me guess. You also aren’t an informant, right?”

  
  


This couldn’t be- this couldn’t be happening. Baekhyun was  _ not  _ going to die from a misunderstanding after everything he went through. “I swear! I have no idea who betrayed you, but it isn’t me! Please- please, Master. All I’ve done is serve you-”

  
  


Mal-Chin spat in his face again, letting go of his hair. “Just you wait. I’m going to put a bullet in your head once I collect information. So don’t waste my time.”

  
  


Baekhyun was going to die- he was going to die at the hands of this man he thought he had under control. 

  
  


Was going to die a fool for not having stayed at the grocery store, lived poor but still  _ lived. _ Baekhyun was a fool, and that was the only thing that would kill him.

  
  


He never learned- never remembered everything his father taught him. What Luhan taught him- what being an erotic dancer taught him.

  
  


About life, about death. About abuse, about sex.

  
  


And he swore, if by miracle he got out of this alive, Baekhyun would never, ever,  _ ever _ let these lessons be put aside- think that they don’t apply in all situations and in all people.

  
  


What he’d do… that he didn’t know. Could he try to reach for the pistol- would killing the boss ensure his safety?

  
  


It would ensure his death, that was.

  
  


_ Buy yourself time while you beg and think of something. _

  
  


So he begged, cried, promised it wasn’t him- that he had no idea who  _ dared _ go after  _ Master.  _ Apparently,  _ Master  _ was tired of him already.

  
  


“I’ll count to three.” Mal-Chin said, turning the gun between his fingers like it was a toy. “And if by three you’re not confessing, I’m putting that bullet through your head.”

  
  


Confess. He should confess and pretend it was him.

  
  


_ “One.” _

  
  


But that would only delay his death- think.  _ Think! _

  
  


_ “Two.” _

  
  


Pretend he heard one of the whores admit to it?

  
  


“ _ Three.” _

  
  


Baekhyun screamed, cowering down to the floor as he broke into sobs. But he felt nothing.

  
  


Mal-Chin laughed above him. “Very well. Now that we’ve had a little fun, let’s do it for real. By  _ three _ , I can promise you the bullet will not be in my wall, but in your  _ head  _ if you don’t start talking.”

  
  


“ _ One.” _

  
  


He didn’t want to die- he had to survive. He  _ had  _ to. “Please! It’s not me- it’s not me I swear it isn’t! Please, Master! I don’t know anything!”

  
  


_ “Two-” _

  
  


The second gunshot went off, and Baekhyun could only scream, hiding his head under his hands shaking when he saw the blood pooling on the floor right next to him.

  
  


He was still not harmed, and one scared look towards the room confirmed that the one who had been shot wasn’t Baekhyun, but Mal-Chin.

  
  


How…

  
  


“ _ He’s dead.” _

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun almost broke his neck turning to the new voice in the room, only to find three armed men. The one in the middle still had his pistol pointing towards Mal-Chin, and the others were looking at him, slowly reaching for their weapons.

  
  


So this is how he went- he would die in the end, today. No matter by whose hands, Baekhyun knew he would die.

  
  


This was his end. This is where his miserable life ended because he kept trusting men- kept thinking they were capable of good and change. 

  
  


Just like his father. Baekhyun thought of him sometimes like a fool. 

  
  


Just like Mal-Chin. Baekhyun thought he won him with his body.

  
  


And just like these three men, Baekhyun thought they were here to save him.

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t breathe anymore- he tried and tried and tried but the air stayed stuck in his throat, almost acting like a seal. The air wasn’t coming in anymore, and he was dying.

  
  


Maybe it was a heart attack, he concluded, clutching to the carpeted floor as the palpitations got stronger, ringing in his ears- in his head, in his fingers. His heart kept ringing and ringing and ringing until Baekhyun tried to scream, to tell them, whoever they were, that he was dying.

  
  


_ I’m dying. _

  
  


The sweat made it hard for him to grip the carpet- he’d sweat and sweat and sweat and get chills all of a sudden. It was sweat, then chills. Hot, and cold.

  
  


Was he dying?

  
  


Had he gone insane?

  
  
  


“ _ Lower your weapons!” _

  
  


They were still in his vision, saying things Baekhyun couldn’t hear over the ringing in his ears. He couldn’t answer back- he couldn’t even hear them.

  
  


One walked in his direction, and Baekhyun thought that was it.

  
  


He cried- begged them to save his life. Told them he didn’t do anything- that he was innocent. That he was just a whore.

  
  


Except the man kept walking towards him, snatched something from the bed to drape it over Baekhyun’s naked shoulders. The man was swimming in his vision, but his grip on Baekhyun made things real.

  
  


_ “I’m not going to hurt you. _ ” The man said, and Baekhyun’s ringing started going back to normal. “ _ I don’t want to touch you, but judging from your state, you need some help. Can I do that for you?” _

  
  


Thinking straight was not something Baekhyun was capable of doing. Refusing these people with  _ guns _ was another thing he would not do. So he nodded, prayed the man wasn’t lying- wasn’t trying to play some sick game before ending his life.

  
  


What he got in return was arms tightly gripping around his form, the blanket still hiding his bare body, and heat.

  
  


“ _ You’re not dying. _ ” Was the first thing he heard against his ear. “I  _ won’t let you die.”  _ The stranger pushed Baekhyun’s head inside his neck, holding him close. “ _ No one’s going to lay a finger on you, I promise you. Take deep breaths. It’ll pass. You’re safe, and he’s gone.” _ All Baekhyun could do was sob. “ _ I’m here, and I’ve got you.” _

  
  
  
  


It felt like being in a dream, getting out of that state. It felt like an even bigger joke being comforted by yet another criminal until he was calm enough to stop shaking, until he was able to kneel properly.

  
  


“ _ Great. Because all we came here to do is comfort a whore. _ ” One of them whispered under his breath, pistol still in his hand.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t lift his head from the floor, didn’t react, tried not making any noise to further upset them. The man still had a strong grip around him, and yet, Baekhyun felt like his body had given up on him.

  
  


“Shut it, Sehun.” The man holding him said. “Get out.”

  
  


“Boss-”

  
  


“Out. Jongin, you may see yourself out with him- search the mansion for anyone alive. Don’t touch the whores. Only kill Mal-Chin’s people.”

  
  


Baekhyun still didn’t dare move, not even when the blanket was falling from his shoulder to uncover his nakedness- what was being naked without a choice compared to death?

  
  


Nothing.

  
  


He was a whore. They had seen him naked to begin with. And they spared his pathetic life.

  
  


Except the man caught it before it slipped from his shoulders, covering him correctly before twisting it around and tying it on the back, lifting Baekhyun from the floor to walk him to the bed.

  
  


“ _ Fuck.” _ The man they called  _ boss _ muttered under his breath, and when Baekhyun turned his head around, he saw Mal-Chin’s lifeless body on the mattress. He averted his eyes quickly.

  
  
  


The stranger took him to lie on the couch opposed to the bed, carefully letting him down. “Get dressed, I’ll wait outside.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t ask. He didn’t pry and he didn’t wonder. Baekhyun did as he was told, throwing open the closet for anything- anything to cover him up and leave. He tried not turning around, not looking at the dead man in the eyes. He’d throw up, that he knew.

  
  


It was either throwing up or having another attack. No, he was fine. Baekhyun was alive and well. There was no reason. He was safe and sound, wasn’t that what he needed the most?

  
  


The first thing Baekhyun could put hands on was tight leggings and an oversized hoodie and only once they were on him did he notice he forgot panties.

  
  


“ _ Everyone’s dead. _ ”

  
  


Stilling his hand reaching for the drawers, Baekhyun stood close to the door.

  
  


“ _ And the whores, Jongin?” _ The man who carried him asked.

  
  


“ _ All dead. When we entered, Mal-Chin’s guards had finished killing them. The ones working under him were taken out by our men. There’s no one left alive but that boy.” _

  
  


Deciding underwear wasn’t important, Baekhyun still grabbed a pair of socks, avoiding the little voice in his head telling him he was screwed either way.

  
  


That he had entered this life, and he could never leave it.

  
  


But they hadn’t killed him. Their boss protected him. He wasn’t even abused.  _ Just what was waiting for him? _

  
  


Only when they stopped talking did Baekhyun knock on the door from the inside, alerting them of his presence, and turned the doorknob.

  
  


“Are you done?” 

  
  


Baekhyun nodded to the man, noticing he looked tanner than the two others. 

  
  


“Follow me. I’ll take you to the boss.”

  
  


With nothing else to do, Baekhyun followed, minding his steps, trying not to look at the dead bodies on the floor. This could’ve been him- this could’ve been him had he not been dragged to Mal-Chin.

  
  


The guards would have killed him along with the other whores just like his  _ Master  _ was going to for not admitting to crimes he hadn’t committed. And yet, had these people been a second later, it would’ve been him, with a bullet in his forehead.

  
  


“The boss is waiting for you.”

  
  


Baekhyun came to a halt in front of a room he had always been denied access to. And by the decor, he knew it wasn’t the weapons room.

  
  


Still, Baekhyun knocked on the door and waited for an answer before pushing it open, his eyes to the ground when he walked past it, softly closing it behind him.

  
  


“We can’t stay here for very long.” The boss told him. “But still, I want you to sit and listen.” He ushered, pointing to one of the couches in front of the desk Baekhyun assumed belonged to Mal-Chin.

  
  


“I’m going to make you an offer. I killed your previous employer, and I’m assuming you have no place to go to right now. Am I right?"

  
  


Baekhyun still didn’t dare look up. “Yes… Sir.”

  
  


“Very well.” The man said, walking from behind the desk to sit on the vacant couch seat opposite to Baekhyun’s. “It’s only fair I offer you a job for having let’s say… murdered your previous one.”

  
  


_ He was going to kill me _ , Baekhyun wanted to answer.  _ You saved me. _

  
  


“It didn’t look like he was going to keep you safe, but still.” He crossed his legs, sitting back on the couch like he owned it. “You were offering him sex. In exchange, he offered you shelter and food. I could offer you the same offer- not to be my whore, but to work for me. I need a housekeeper.”

  
  


He really could never escape this life from now on, huh? 

  
  


“I’ll offer you safety too. It’s a job to me, like it could be to you. We’ll sit down and discuss what you can and can’t do. You tell me what you accept, what you don’t, and I’ll abide by that.”

  
  


Laughing would be really unfortunate in this situation. It would be but Baekhyun really felt like it- oh the amount of times he’d heard that one.

  
  


“But you're also allowed not to accept. I can let you walk out of this freely without anything ever happening to you. The only thing I’ll ask from you is not to repeat our names, recognise our faces, or ever provide anyone with information.” And the man chuckled, talking without a care in the world, calm, collected, like a businessman would for a new deal. “If you don’t say anything, you’ll stay safe- well, at least from us. No testifying or giving out information about any of what you saw, and you’re a free man.”

  
  


He could do that- Baekhyun would gladly forget this nightmare and walk out without ever looking at this moment again. He would. Only if he had anything left.

  
  


“I don’t touch innocents.” The boss told him, pulling a cigar from his jacket pocket and a lighter from the one in his pants. “I don’t kill people who haven’t done a thing to me. Now that would be immoral, even for a man like me. Had the other prostitutes been alive, I’d have given them the same option.” He chuckled again, shaking his head. “I suppose saying this much isn’t breaking Omertà.”

  
  


_ What about the things you do? _ Baekhyun wanted to ask.  _ What about the people you sell and kidnap? _

  
  


“Ask away.” The man startled him. “I know a hidden question when I see one.”

  
  


“There’s n-nothing I want to ask about, Sir.”

  
  


“Fine.” He sighed, bringing the cigar to his mouth for a puff. “If you’re afraid of what I do, all I’m allowed to say is I don’t do the things you think I do. I don’t do human trafficking, forced prostitution- even I have morals.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked up.  _ Then why are you taking me to your house? _

  
  


“As for you, consider it a job. I wouldn’t run a prostitution ring, nor would I kidnap people to sell their organs or again, for forced labor. Everyone working under me does it because  _ they  _ want to.”

  
  


The Mafioso clapped his hands, getting up from his seat. “I run multiple places- maybe a restaurant-” The cigar was placed in his mouth, and he seemed to be counting on his fingers. “Do you have any experience?”

  
  


Was he really trying to land Baekhyun a  _ serious  _ job? “No, Sir.”

  
  


“A restaurant then. You can be a server. The pay isn’t as high as working directly for me, but still, it’s better than other places.”

  
  


Maybe that was a good idea- maybe he could do that and then leave, disappear at once.

  
  
  


The Mafia boss took another puff of his cigar, blowing the smoke away from Baekhyun’s face. “Only issue with that is that I can’t guarantee your safety over there. I don’t always visit, and I can’t make sure people won’t… bother you.”

  
  


So what, in the end? Was there really no escape from this life?

  
  


“You decide. I’ll give you a few minutes while I check on my men. Go out when you’re ready.”

  
  


Baekhyun wondered why life was this cruel. Why it scared him to then laugh in his face?

  
  


Had he been unrealistic wishing to get out of this alive  _ and _ without an issue?

  
  


“I’m stupid.” He muttered, clutching his stomach as he laughed- bent over the couch, Baekhyun laughed and laughed and laughed until reality started kicking in.

  
  


Those were just his last thoughts, in that room with Mal-Chin. He wanted to be safe- he swore he’d leave the Mafia and everything linked to it. But it had been too late.

  
  


Too late when Mal-Chin’s men had seen his face and remembered what he looked like because they were not all in the house, the moment this man invaded and killed them all. They would remember him. And they’d come for him.

  
  


Mal-Chin’s right arm was not there. The man always by his side, Baekhyun had not seen him in the house that day, and that meant options and possibilities and more than anything, unpredictable things.

  
  


If Mal-Chin knew, then they all did. It’d be only a matter of time before they caught him again- the one who betrayed their boss.

  
  


Could he live in hiding for the rest of his life? If Baekhyun had enough money, he’d have moved away- to another country, far,  _ far _ away, on his own.

  
  
  


But that, he didn’t. Staying with Mal-Chin, Baekhyun had not been paid in cash, rather with a room and food. 

  
  


All he could do now was pray this man was who he promised he was, and hope he wasn’t walking willingly in a hidden death.

  
  


He’d die quickly on his own from hiding and escaping Mal-Chin’s men. He risked the unknown stepping in another mafia boss’ house.

  
  


“ _ Did you decide?” _

  
  


Baekhyun nodded to the man who walked him to their boss. “I’m leaving with you.”

  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty-two years old and two months, he realised what being useful meant.

  
  


Being useful meant three things; it was the only way to be kept around, the only way to survive, and the only way to be saved.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. What Adapting Means

Baekhyun wanted to ask, in that car, that night, why they saved him.

  
  


Why they were after Mal-Chin and if they had anything to do with the informant Mal-Chin believed was Baekhyun. If they believed he was innocent, even.

  
  


“ _ Don’t ask too much.”  _ The man Baekhyun came to learn was called Jongin had told him in the hallways. “ _ Killing Mal-Chin had nothing to do with you. We know you’re not the informant.” _

  
  


So he hadn’t after that. Baekhyun kept his mouth shut and got in the car with Jongin and Sehun and let himself be taken away.

  
  


Their boss, the man he had a supposed contract with, was not with them. Baekhyun hadn’t seen him after talking to him in Mal-Chin’s office.

  
  


“It’s still odd to me- this whole thing. Chanyeol doesn’t do that.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t look at them, pretended he had fallen asleep.

  
  


“What do you mean? Mal-Chin?” It was Jongin’s voice this time.

  
  


“No. Chanyeol gets rid of enemies who overstep his territory, I know that… but sparing his enemies’ people? That’s weird.”

  
  


“Chanyeol doesn’t take death lightly, Sehun.”

  
  


Sehun chuckled, and Baekhyun heard a lighter being flicked before it started smelling like cigarettes. “So I heard. Not only sparing his life, but offering him a job? Taking him in his house? He even offered to set him free. If I were Chanyeol, I’d have taken him as my whore- we already have a housekeeping team! Why would he take him as one?”

  
  


For a moment it was silent, before Jongin spoke again. “I know you’re new, but watch your mouth around the boss. You might not have thought this is how mafia bosses operate, but Chanyeol does this way. And he doesn’t like being questioned.” Another moment of silence before. “You should really watch it, Sehun.”

  
  


Another laugh was earned from Sehun, following a cough. “I’m just saying to  _ me _ it doesn’t make sense. I wouldn’t have done that- I’d have killed everyone.”

  
  


“Innocent people in shady situations are still innocent people.”

  
  


It was silent after that, and Baekhyun kept his eyes closed just in case.

  
  


How long it’d take, Baekhyun didn’t know, but he knew he couldn’t fall asleep. Not yet, not here. 

  
  


And yet, the night was dark and the car warm enough and his eyelids a little too heavy.

  
  


Fighting it was useless, he found, as his body forced the rest out of him, not caring about how unsafe the ordeal was, nor how he had to stay awake to see their boss.

  
  


Really, Baekhyun’s body didn’t care and it chose comfort over safety because Baekhyun always made safety a priority.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“ _ Wake up. Hey- wake up, we’re here.” _

  
  


Baekhyun only opened his eyes when the hand on his shoulder became impatient, and the voice, still as steady, called for him. For a moment, everything was blurry up until he remembered what happened.

  
  
  


With nothing to carry, Baekhyun slowly got up, hissing at the pain in his knees before exiting the car, bowing to Jongin for holding the door open for him.

  
  


“The boss is already inside.” He told him even though Baekhyun didn’t ask. “I’ll take you there.”

  
  


Walking in the mansion, Baekhyun wasn’t impressed by the exhibition of Chanyeol’s power. He had been in the bar and in Mal-Chin’s house, almost forgetting what poverty looked like.

  
  


It was bigger than Mal-Chin’s house. But Baekhyun wasn’t there to ask questions so he followed Jongin all the way up the stairs, walked through the hallway on the right all until the very end until Jongin came to a halt. “He’s inside.”

  
  


Baekhyun bowed again, letting out a soft  _ Thank you  _ before knocking on the door.

  
  


“ _ Come in.” _

  
  


This time, Baekhyun couldn’t help looking up- couldn’t help looking at the library, at the stairs, at the wooden decor. It was so pretty, almost out of place in a room like this. 

  
  


“Decor caught your attention?”

  
  


“What-” Baekhyun turned around, shaking his head. “I’m sorry I-.”

  
  


“You can look.” The mafia boss told him. “I’m not hiding corpses here or things you’re not supposed to see.”

  
  


Baekhyun froze in his spot.

  
  


“It’s a joke.” Chanyeol quickly assured, motioning to the seat in front of his desk but Baekhyun didn’t laugh. “Take a seat. Now that we have time and a remotely safe place to talk, let’s talk.”

  
  


He wanted to look. Baekhyun wanted to turn around and have a look around the library, wanted to take his time searching through the titles- see the kinds of things this mafia boss read. Mal-Chin didn’t read. The books they had were all randomly selected. This one looked like he read, though.

  
  


“How long have you been working under Mal-Chin?”

  
  


“About a year.”

  
  


Chanyeol hummed. Baekhyun noticed the silver rings on his fingers and the papers on the desk table. He wondered how old this mafia boss was, because he looked more than a little too young to be in the position he was in.

  
  


“And what did you do there?”

  
  


_ Did he not know Baekhyun was a whore? _

  
  


“I offered him sexual services.” Now that was the easiest way to put it.

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t look impressed. “What else?”

  
  


Baekhyun blinked- what else was he supposed to do? “That’s… all. That’s all I did.”  _ What else was I supposed to do? _

  
  


“Did he share you?”

  
  


Shaking his head, Baekhyun looked down to his hands. “No. Mal-Chin’s whores were his only.”

  
  


A pause, and then. “You need to get tested.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked up.

  
  


“If you’ve been having sex with him and he was fucking another ten prostitutes, you need to get tested just to be sure.”

  
  


There was no judgment in his voice, reminding Baekhyun a little of the way his doctor was when he used to have appointments- except this one wasn’t a doctor. It was a mafia boss and just why did he want to get Baekhyun tested unless… of course. How silly was it of him to think, even for a second, that this one wouldn’t try to take advantage of him?

  
  


Not wanting to show his intentions, Baekhyun knew how to answer. “There’s no need, Sir. Mal-Chin had us tested a few times to ensure his health.”

  
  


“I’d still like for you to get tested.” The boss said, and Baekhyun looked up at him for the first time- looked at his pushed back hair and the way he had eyes fixated on Baekhyun. “I have a doctor specifically for the organisation. I’ll give him a call.”

  
  


To that, Baekhyun had nothing to answer as much as he didn’t like it. He knew what that meant, and he wasn’t enjoying it one bit.

  
  


“Can I ask you a question?” He braced himself, looking up. He had to know- he  _ had  _ to.

  
  


“Of course.” The boss didn’t mind him much, looking collected and calm like he wasn’t affected. “Ask away.”

  
  


“I want to know why you took me in.”

  
  


“Because you chose to work for me.”

  
  


Baekhyun shook his head. “No- I mean-”  _ Should he? _

  
  


“It’s okay.” The man reminded him. “You can ask me.”

  
  


“ _ Did you take me as your whore?”  _ Baekhyun blurted out, hiding his shaking hands between his thighs. “I just want to know so I can prepare myself to be useful and- and do what you like. I’m not opposing it! I’m just curious- I don’t mean to insult-”

  
  


The boss didn’t interrupt him, laid back in his chair and listened to him until Baekhyun was a mess of words and shaking hands. “I didn’t take you in to be my whore.”

  
  


“Then… why do I need to get tested?”

  
  


He laughed this time, passing a hand through his slicked hair and for a moment, the tiniest, Baekhyun found himself admiring the rings against his skin. He sure had a pretty face, very much so different from Mal-Chin. “Because I don’t want sick workers and considering your previous job, I do have the right to worry. If you’re sick, I want you to get treated. Let’s just say… I don’t want my employees not functioning to their highest potential, that is all.”

  
  


“So I’m not here to offer you sex?”

  
  


_ Really, now? _

  
  


“You’re not.” The older man confirmed. “I’ve told you. If you decide to follow me, I’ll offer you the same deal Mal-Chin offered, except I want you to look after the house. I don’t-  _ won’t  _ expect sexual services from you. You get your own room and bathroom, you have your meals here with us. I’ll have someone buy you clothes tomorrow.”

  
  


That was right- Baekhyun had brought no clothes back from Mal-Chin’s house but the ones on his back. “Am I allowed to go out?”

  
  


He hadn’t dared asking Mal-Chin back then, but this man wasn’t like him. This man said it was okay to ask things- to ask him.

  
  


“You’re allowed. I’ll get you a phone too, just in case, but not now. Let’s wait until Mal-Chin’s men settle down and forget about you.”

  
  
  


_ What about the informant? _

  
  


_ But more than anything, was it really just for housekeeping if this man was willing to offer him a bed, meals, clothes, and even a phone? _

  
  


“Ask away.” The older man repeated, reaching for a cigar from one of his drawers. “I’m not here to terrorise you. If you have a question, come to me.”

  
  


Mal-Chin never spoke to him this much unless it was to tell him to open his mouth and spread his legs.

  
  


“What happened with the informant- the one Mal-Chin thought was me?”

  
  


“Ahh, this? Someone from the police had infiltrated Mal-Chin’s house pretending to be a prostitute, but was killed before we arrived. It was one of the boys, one of the prostitutes.”

  
  


Baekhyun nodded his head, thanking his new employer once again before getting up, ready to go to bed.

  
  


“Your name.” The boss interrupted. “What's your name?”

  
  


“Byun Baekhyun, Sir.”

  
  


“Mine is Chanyeol.” Another pause, and the man,  _ Chanyeol, _ looked at the library opposite to his desk. “Do you like reading, Baekhyun?”

  
  


Naturally, Baekhyun followed his eyes. “I do. I used to read a lot at Mal-Chin’s house.”

  
  


“Very well. You can go rest. Jongin will show you to your room and the rest of the house later on.” He paused, pushing his chair to the side before joining Baekhyun at the door. “He’ll take you to the kitchen too- I suppose you haven’t eaten much all day.”

  
  


No indeed, he hadn’t.

  
  


“I have work to do, I’ll see you later.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had gone for a shower before a meal, finding clothes a little too big for him on the bed. They were clothes nonetheless, and all Baekhyun wanted was to get rid of the ones on his back.

  
  


His room was on the opposite side of Chanyeol’s office, located after the hallway on the left. All Jongin told him was to shower and change, and to go down the stairs where he’d show him around.

  
  


Going around the house didn’t interest him as much as having a meal did. Thinking of Mal-Chin was terrifying- thinking that if Chanyeol had been a minute late, he’d have found Baekhyun with a bullet through his head.

  
  


And as much as the image of Mal-Chin bleeding his brains out had made him want to puke, Baekhyun was thoroughly satisfied with how he met his end. People like him deserved it.

  
  


Baekhyun’s father deserved it too. Baekhyun wondered if his mother deserved it- deserved meeting the same fate? His father did for sure.

  
  


Baekhyun went downstairs, expecting to find Jongin where he promised he was, except he wasn’t. Instead, a short man with an apron appeared to his left, hands painted white.

  
  


_ “Oh! Are you the new housekeeper?” _

  
  


Bowing, Baekhyun gave him a smile. “Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you.”

  
  


“I’m the kitchen chef.” The short man told him, wiping his stained hands on the apron. “Come with me, I’ll show you around. Jongin had to leave, but I’m here!”

  
  


Baekhyun followed him, watching as hallway after hallway led to closed rooms, living rooms and multiple bathrooms before the chef came to a halt in front of what looked like a kitchen. “My name’s Kyungsoo. I heard you’re Baekhyun.”

  
  


The man,  _ Kyungsoo, _ pulled a chair for him and motioned for Baekhyun to sit down, walking back behind the counter. “So, Baekhyun, what do you want to eat?”

  
  


Baekhyun shrugged. “Whatever is left is fine.”

  
  


“I can prepare you something.” Kyungsoo insisted, clearing the dirty counter from egg shells and the spilled flour, washing his hands over the sink while he looked over his shoulder. “Is there anything particular you want?”

  
  


“Whatever is ready is fine by me.”

  
  


The chef sighed, drying his hands on a towel near the counter. “Chanyeol told me to look after you and here you are, not even letting me cook for you.”

  
  


It was odd. Everything was odd for Baekhyun.

  
  


Baekhyun used to eat in his own room in Mal-Chin’s house. He used to eat alone in his own house- would cook what he found and leave a plate for his mother, would avoid being home around dinner time when his father was still a free man.

  
  


“How about an omelette?” Kyungsoo asked again. “I’ll make it quickly. Chanyeol specifically said to make you eat something freshly cooked. Do you like eggs?”

  
  


“Eggs are fine, yes. Thank you, Sir.” 

  
  


“None of that with me! Just call me Kyungsoo.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After the meal where Baekhyun mostly listened to what the chef had to say- the dishes he made the best, his favorite places in the mansion, the best time to ask favors from Chanyeol and a non exhaustive list of the house staff, Jongin came to show him around the house as promised.

  
  


He showed Baekhyun the basic rooms, telling him he couldn’t get inside the weapons’ room and Chanyeol’s office without being called by the boss himself. What Baekhyun paid attention to was the outside pool, the tennis playground and the garden.

  
  


Apparently, each section of the house had someone to tend to it. Sehun had said in the car that Chanyeol already had a full housekeeping team.

  
  


_ So why take him in? _

  
  


“You can borrow books anytime you want.” Jongin told him, letting Baekhyun walk around the  _ actual  _ library room. It wasn’t as pretty as the one in Chanyeol’s office, but still. It was filled with books and Baekhyun was allowed access to it. “The boss said you liked reading.”

  
  


“I do.” Baekhyun answered, hand stilling on one title. “I’ve always liked it.”

  
  


Baekhyun grabbed that same book and followed Jongin outside, bowing to every single person crossing their path until a middle-aged man passed by them.

  
  


“Jongin, the boss wants to see you.”

  
  


“Minseok, can you show him around the house?” He pointed to Baekhyun, patting the older man’s shoulder. “I’ll be back, Baekhyun.”

  
  


The man,  _ Minseok _ , looked better than Mal-Chin but must have been around the same age as him. “Is that the new housekeeper?”

  
  


“He is. Chanyeol just hired him.”

  
  


Respect and discretion. Had Baekhyun not learned during his bar days, he was certain he’d have remembered from his time as Mal-Chin’s whore. What more of this house, and this man.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know if it was his age or his face, but he was the scariest of them all. Something about him just didn’t sit well with Baekhyun.

  
  


“Nice to meet you, Sir.” Baekhyun addressed him, bowing again. “My name’s Baekhyun.”

  
  


The old man only gave him a nod and cleared his throat. “I’m Minseok.” He said in return, watching Jongin walking up the stairs. “Come, I’ll show you what you haven’t seen yet.”

  
  


There wasn’t much left to see, Baekhyun thought. Even a huge house had to come to an end sometime.

  
  


“I heard you came from Mal-Chin’s house.”

  
  


“I did.”

  
  


“What did you do in Mal-Chin’s house?”

  
  


_ Just how many times did he have to repeat it? _

  
  


“I offered him sexual services.”

  
  


“Ah.” Minseok cleared his throat, walking with his hands behind his back. “But you’re not here to provide Chanyeol with sexual services?”

  
  


“No, he said-”

  
  


“Do you even know anything about housekeeping?”

  
  


Swallowing hard, Baekhyun smiled at him. “I am by no means an expert, but I’ve got some experience.”

  
  


“What experience?”

  
  


Chanyeol said he’d show him what had to be done- what could be so hard about vacuuming the floor, getting the laundry washed and dried and folded and delivered in everyone’s room? Baekhyun didn’t need a diploma to know how to do the dishes or to clean the kitchen counters.

  
  


“When I was younger, I used to look after the house.”

  
  


“Look after the house?” Minseok asked, and Baekhyun noticed they had stopped walking. “You call helping your mother here and there experience?”

  
  


This man did not like him. For which reason, Baekhyun didn’t know. But what he knew was that he could do housekeeping. “I did everything on my own, Sir. My mother was not in shape to do anything, and my father was absent most of my childhood.”

  
  


Minseok hummed, not quite impressed. “So you can dust and polish surfaces? Clean the bathrooms? Make the beds every day and change the linens? Clean the windows and the mirrors? Empty the trash receptacles? Iron Chanyeol’s clothes? Mop the floor? That isn’t even the full list.”

  
  


“I’ve done most of these.” Baekhyun let him know. “Chanyeol said someone would show me how things are done before I start working.”

  
  


“You aren’t working on your own. We have a housekeeping team, you’ll just be added.”

  
  


Baekhyun avoided reopening the topic, going with Minseok’s silence as they walked and the man just pointed at areas Baekhyun hadn’t seen yet, mostly where he’ll have to work.

  
  


“The boss’ office is off limits. The weapons’ room as well.”

  
  


_ Then who cleaned the office? _

  
  


“His room, however, must be cleaned first thing in the morning.”

  
  


And as Minseok explained  _ exactly _ how Chanyeol liked his room, Baekhyun wondered if Minseok himself was leading the housekeeping team. Had that been why he got irritated at Baekhyun being a newbie?

  
  


Jongin notified Minseok by phone that he couldn’t get back to Baekhyun, telling him to let Baekhyun back to his room, and that he’d see him the next day.

  
  


That night, as Baekhyun finished brushing his teeth and washing his face, he was finally ready for sleep.

  
  


On his bed was left a small bag with a note glued to it.

  
  


_ You forgot your wallet at Mal-Chin’s house. Thought you might need your identification cards, so I sent someone to get it for you. I hope your day went by well. _

_ -Chanyeol _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Not knowing when he was supposed to wake up, Baekhyun set the alarm on the nightstand table at six in the morning.

  
  


He had to be taught what to do around the house, and Baekhyun didn’t want to be late on his first day. Having two people disliking him was enough already.

  
  


Despite the shower early in the day before, Baekhyun took another one, brushed his teeth and washed his face, putting on the same clothes from the day before. 

  
  


He was out of the room at seven in the morning, not yet sure where he should go or who he was supposed to meet, until Jongin called for him, at the end of the stairs.

  
  


“You have your doctor’s appointment today.” The older man told him as they walked through the hallways, Jongin insisting for him to sit and get breakfast. “The boss wanted to get it done as soon as possible. The doctor will be here soon.”

  
  


Kyungsoo was already in the kitchen when they arrived, hands busy in the fridge. “You’re up early! I’m still preparing breakfast, have a seat.”

  
  


“I’m not staying long.” Jongin informed the chef, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl. “Yixing is coming for Baekhyun in about an hour, I’ll leave him with you.”

  
  


“What about Chanyeol? Isn’t he coming down to eat?”

  
  


As if called, the boss appeared in the kitchen, a wide smile draped on his face as if he was happy they were talking about him. “I’m here.”

  
  


There was something about him- about the rings on his fingers and his slicked black hair. Was it that he looked like a typical mafia boss? Was it that he looked good?

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know, didn’t want to care. Looking down to his empty plate, he felt useless sitting there, having bothered them so much and still needing assistance. And surely enough, they’d get rid of him once he wasn’t needed anymore- Sehun said it himself.  _ We don’t need a new housekeeper _ . And the boss’ pity, he didn’t know how long it’d last no matter how much his kind heart had been praised.

  
  


So he got up, joined Kyungsoo behind the counter and asked if he could help- he couldn’t cook as nicely as Kyungsoo, but he could help with other things. Easy things like get out ingredients, mix what had to be mixed, clean the counter.

  
  


While he occupied himself, Jongin left after exchanging words with the boss, and Kyungsoo followed after him, saying he’d be back shortly after. 

  
  


“You don’t look like you’d be a bad chef.” Chanyeol said, chuckling when he caught Baekhyun’s shocked face. “What? You look like you know your way around the kitchen.”

  
  


Baekhyun, who had no apron to protect his clothes, given only the easiest of tasks about anyone could accomplish, and yet looking insecure, had been praised. “I- I know a little. I’m not as good as Kyungsoo, but I do know how to wing a few recipes.”

  
  


“Cook for me, then.”

  
  


“I- I don’t think you’ll like it.”

  
  


“And why not?” The mafia boss asked, propping his elbows on the table, dropping his chin in his hands. “I want you to cook me something for breakfast.”

  
  


_ Was this man serious right now? _

  
  
  


He had seen them, this kind. Mafia boss or not, Baekhyun knew how to spot an asshole from far away, even more of a player. He had watched people getting heartbroken, not knowing that the only remedy was to stay away. He had watched his own mother getting abused, refusing to hear the fact that her husband was dangerous.

  
  


And he swore- Baekhyun swore he’d never fall for these people. He’d never put himself in such a misery because people, in the end, were all bound to deceive him.

  
  


And Chanyeol, as much as he’d been doing for him, Baekhyun knew what the result would be in the end. He wouldn’t mind it being sex disguised as good intentions, as long as he didn’t have to involve himself emotionally, so he’d accept his advances and subtle flirting and be grateful he was still alive.

  
  


“Would an omelette be fine?” Baekhyun asked, looking at the eggs Kyungsoo forgot on the counter. “I think I can do a pretty nice one.”

  
  


“Impress me, then.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The doctor had been kind, and way too patient for someone working under such an organisation. And Baekhyun was more than thankful for having taken him away from Chanyeol who absolutely wanted Baekhyun to sit with him and have breakfast while Kyungsoo prepared enough food for the rest of the house staff.

  
  


He’d get his results in a few days, he was told. It was still a little funny to him, how people valued sex. Baekhyun had had sex with two men in his entire life; one was plagued by guilt, and the other, by disgust. 

  
  


It made him laugh, how people claimed it was one of the best things- that it was the most powerful stress reliever. Baekhyun called that bullshit.

  
  


A knock on the door and an introduction later, and Baekhyun was on his way downstairs with a man called  _ Jongdae _ ready to be taught what the housekeeping team had to cover. 

  
  


“Now for the laundry, you’ll have to collect it personally from the boss’ room before bringing it to the laundry room, separate it between colored and whites and then fill the washer.” Jongdae pointed to both machines. “This on the left is the washer, and on the right, the dryer.”

  
  


“What about everyone else?” Baekhyun asked, remembering Minseok, Jongin and Kyungsoo lived in the mansion. “Don’t I have to do their laundry too?”

  
  


Jongdae shook his head, grabbing an empty basket from the floor. “Chanyeol specifically told me not to let you take care of everyone’s business. You’ll be assigned to him only, while the rest of the housekeeping team looks after the other members.”

  
  


_ This man really wasn’t going to let him go. _

  
  


“But what about the-”

  
  


“One thing at a time, Baekhyun.” The housekeeper interrupted, pointing to a filled basket on the floor. “This is Chanyeol’s basket. I’ll show you where he keeps it in his room later, but for now, show me how you separate colored clothes from white ones. The boss really hates having his clothes mixed.”

  
  


And to think he thought this would be an easy job, every time Jongdae muttered  _ wrong  _ and Baekhyun wondered how in the world these clothes were this complicated to sort.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After having been shown how to iron Chanyeol’s clothes, how to clean his room every morning after he left it- change the sheets and pick up the forgotten clothes on the floor, place his perfume bottles back how they were in his cabinet in the interior bathroom of his bedroom, air the room, make sure his bathroom was still filled with toilet paper, towels, body wash, shampoo, razors, shaving cream, deodorant and an entire list Jongdae had specifically written for him.

  
  


It wasn’t all. He had to pick his laundry basket every single morning, wash and dry it- having learned the laundry room expanded into another room through a door leading to multiple washers and dryers- clean the mirrors in his room every single day, dust all surfaces in his room every day, clean his windows once a week and ensure the shower, bathtub and sink were cleaned once daily.

  
  


And once a week, Baekhyun was supposed to vacuum and mop the floor as well as keep the television dust-free.

  
  


If this was what only  _ he _ was supposed to do for Chanyeol, Baekhyun couldn’t imagine what the other housekeepers had to do to tend to the entire house.

  
  


The amount of work was crazy, but Baekhyun prefered that to having sex with an old creepy man. 

  
  


It was only when he went back to the laundry room, ready to move Chanyeol’s clothes from the washer to the dryer, that he noticed Sehun in one of the living rooms. He didn’t pay him attention, knowing the man hadn’t liked him from the beginning.

  
  


Still, he could hear him.

  
  


“-I didn’t think he was into cheap whores. Had I known he needed some action, I’d have brought someone better.”

  
  


_ “Lower your voice.” _ The other person hissed, an unknown voice to Baekhyun. “ Why don’t you have a single fear?”

  
  


“He can’t fire me, or you, for that occasion. You know that.” Sehun argued. “Besides, we’re just talking about a whore, it’s not like we insulted him. Aren’t we allowed to discuss?”

  
  
  


_ “Talk all you want, Sehun. But keep your voice down. Chanyeol’s gotten rid of people before just because he didn’t like the way they thought. I wouldn’t provoke him if I were you.” _

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t want to hear any more of it, walked to the door with the intention to close it behind him when he heard Sehun again. 

  
  


“Can you believe the whore sits at the kitchen table like he’s allowed? I get that he’s no longer prostituting himself, but shouldn’t he have some decency when we all know he used to open his mouth and spread his legs for an old man?” He chuckled, sounding every bit amused. “He’s nasty, Jiho. And to think the boss-”

  
  


Baekhyun closed the door before he could hear the rest, wiped his wet cheeks carelessly before returning to the dryer. 

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t care.

  
  


No, he didn’t.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It was already the afternoon when Baekhyun finished his tasks. He opted to skip lunch, telling Kyungsoo he wasn’t hungry and that he’d grab something later on.

  
  


Chanyeol’s room and bathroom were thoroughly clean according to Jongdae’s list-  _ standards _ \- and Baekhyun got himself his first real compliment when the man came in to check.

  
  


“You’re fitting the schedule pretty well.” Jongdae patted his back, offering him a kind smile. “The boss usually gets home in two hours from now- sometimes three. That’s about where his schedule oscillates, so make sure you’re always done before he’s home.”

  
  
  


This man had been nice to him ever since they met, and Baekhyun, not one wanting to look rude, wanted to ask. “What about the other tasks? For the house I mean, is there- can I help with anything else?”

  
  


Chuckling, Jongdae shook his head and patted Baekhyun’s shoulder another time. “I think you have enough already, don’t worry about it.”

  
  


In all truth, Baekhyun was hoping Jongdae would tell him there was nothing more he could do- he really didn’t want a heavier workload, considering just how much he was already doing. And lord help him if he had to do anything for Sehun- or Minseok even. Baekhyun didn’t mind being Chanyeol’s favorite.

  
  


Not if it came with benefits.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It was only once Baekhyun was in the shower that he remembered he forgot to return Chanyeol’s dirty laundry basket to his room.  _ Fuck. _

  
  


He’d be back after a long day, would have jumped in the shower right away, and he’d be expecting the basket to be where it was to change his clothes.

  
  


_ Fuck. _

  
  


Rushing with his shower, Baekhyun stepped out, dried himself as fast as he could, not minding how sticky his clothes were to his wet skin and ran out, not even remembering his slippers.

  
  


If he was useless from his first day of work, he wouldn’t last.

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun knew it was left in the laundry room so he rushed downstairs, grabbed it and ran back up, noticing noise from the living room near the kitchen where people were too far to see him. Had the boss arrived yet?

  
  


It couldn’t have been late enough for him to have gone to sleep. _ Don’t let him be asleep. _

  
  


Knocking on the door provided no answer, so Baekhyun tried turning the doorknob, praying very hard he had not arrived yet, or was in the shower already. At the sound of the water running, Baekhyun let go of his breath and went inside. He had to put it near the bathroom door so Chanyeol could grab it the next time he went to shower.

  
  


Except it was dark outside and the only source of light Baekhyun had was the little lamp left on the nightstand.

  
  


He tripped over the side of the bed, sending the laundry basket flying across the room. It hit somewhere- the wall probably- and fell to the floor.

  
  


_ So much for being discreet. _

  
  


Maybe the boss didn’t hear him because of the water… he couldn’t have heard it. No, the water was loud enough filling the bathtub to have heard him.

  
  


And just as Baekhyun was collecting the basket, placing it back where it was supposed to be, the bathroom door opened, revealing a very much half-naked Chanyeol and a gun pointed in his direction.

  
  


Baekhyun dropped the basket and raised his shaking hands in the air. His breath started coming in short, and his mouth dried up while the familiar ringing in his ears gradually worsened and Baekhyun cowered to the floor, arms over his head.

  
  


_ He had almost been killed once. _

  
  


_ It was not the first time someone pointed a gun at him. _

  
  


So why?

  
  


Why did his body react every single time?

  
  


_ “Baekhyun- Baekhyun.” _

  
  


Baekhyun jerked at the contact, straying away from Chanyeol’s hands.

  
  


“I’m sorry I- I thought someone broke in.”

  
  


He couldn’t focus- didn’t comprehend what the mafia boss was saying. He did hear it, but the meaning of it… it had not gone to his brain. Was he dying?

  
  


_ Had he gone mad? _

  
  


His chest continued tightening. It wanted his heart out.

  
  


_ Out of your chest. _

  
  


_ Out, Baekhyun. _

  
  


He’d die. Tonight, he’d die not by the gun pointed at him but by his very own hands- from his body turning against him.

  
  


There was no way to breathe- no, his body wanted him dead by tonight.

  
  


_ “Baekhyun.” _ The voice repeated.  _ “Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Baekhyun.” _

  
  


He looked up, remembering there was another man in the room, this time not pointing a deadly weapon at him. “Can I do- is there anything I can do to help?”

  
  


There wasn’t. There was only Baekhyun who could control it- who could remember it wasn’t a heart attack, that he wasn’t in immediate danger, and that he wasn’t dying.

  
  


But he had been in the exact same position two days ago, and he almost died. That bullet almost went in his head and ended his life for good.

  
  


_ Just how much more could he take? _

  
  


Chanyeol rushed through the room while Baekhyun tried steady breaths, grabbed on the carpet for dear life and tried and tried and tried. He had to breathe.

  
  


_ He had to live. _

  
  


“Can you drink water?” The mafia boss asked, kneeling next to him. “It’s cold- might help.”

  
  


Baekhyun shook his head. He’d choke if anything went down his throat.

  
  


How time went by, Baekhyun had no idea. How long it had been either. But he knew at some point, Chanyeol grabbed his hands instead of trying to hug him and continued talking to him as Baekhyun focused on regulating his breathing- his face had turned scarlet and his hands were sweaty, but he could breathe again. It was heavy and labored, but he could breathe.

  
  


There was something insane from these attacks, Baekhyun found. He had no sense of time passing- couldn’t tell how long he had been trying not to die, trying not to panic.

  
  


It was as if time stopped existing. It was him and his breath only.

  
  
  
  


The moment he regained his senses, he slipped his hands out of the mafia boss’ and wobbled his way up on his feet. “I’m s-sorry. I’ll-” He looked around, noticing the basket on the floor, Chanyeol still in his shower towel, and the gun on the bed. “I’m sorry for disturbing- I’ll get going.”

  
  


Except Chanyeol didn’t even let him bow, grabbing him by the arm to stop him from reaching for the basket. “Are you okay?”

  
  


“I’m fine, Sir. I apologise for the-”

  
  


“Look at me.” Chanyeol insisted, tilting Baekhyun’s face until they were looking at each other. “Can you breathe now? Should I- should I take you to the hospital? Was that a… a heart attack?”

  
  


How was he going to explain exactly what it was without sounding pathetic?  _ How _ , when the boss had seen him go through it twice? “No, no, it’s nothing of the sort. It happens when-” Baekhyun heaved a breath, panicking at how it went through his lungs-  _ was it starting again? _ “-when I’m scared.” And as if nothing had happened, Baekhyun picked the forgotten basket and bowed. “I forgot to place it back in your room so I came in. I’m sorry once again.” And with that, he bowed and walked through the door, closing it behind him.

  
  


So much for not attracting attention.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had to sit through the next half hour on his bed, monitoring his breathing in case it came back. It hadn’t been the first time, and Baekhyun remembered having these attacks when his father hit him. And now his body was reacting to guns.

  
  


Great. From one to the other, Byun Baekhyun.

  
  
  


Not only that, but he was covered in sweat again, and his shower had been meaningless. Perhaps sitting in the tub could help. He could certainly not stand again tonight.

  
  


The hot water only encouraged him to get sleepy, almost making him fall asleep, leading to his death. How amazing, he almost died twice in the span of an hour.

  
  


Baekhyun was outdoing himself.

  
  


As if that had not been enough, he found himself unable to sleep when his head hit the pillow no matter how hard he tried ignoring his stomach growling. Baekhyun needed sleep over food- he knew that, and he knew he had to be up early in the morning.

  
  


And so he tried- tossed and changed positions until he was sick of it, tried drinking water from the bottle left on his nightstand, tried peeing, but all was to no avail.

  
  


When was the last time he ate? This early morning during breakfast?

  
  


So what if he skipped lunch and dinner- he could eat in the morning. He could grab a plate and eat it in his room, but at night, he risked waking up people- people who had important jobs, who had to be places.

  
  


His body didn’t listen, no matter the amount of desperation he tried showing. The day had been long and Baekhyun, tired. But he had worked hard, physically exhausted himself, just to finish the day with an anxiety attack having eaten nothing but eggs too early on.

  
  


_ “For fuck’s sake.” _ Baekhyun muttered, slipping his feet in his slippers, having come to a decision. “I should’ve left snacks in this room.”

Going downstairs wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be, having spotted tiny lamps on in every room. The people living there had to be mindful.

  
  


Making his way to the kitchen, Baekhyun was relieved to find yet another lamp near the table. So he wouldn’t die, nor would he starve tonight.

  
  


The noise he had heard earlier on disappeared, and Baekhyun wondered if they were asleep yet or simply in their rooms already. He didn’t care what he found- it just needed to be edible. There was leftover lentil soup, barbecue cooked meat and shrimp salad. Looking at the amount left, Baekhyun didn’t need to grab a clean plate and serve himself- he’d simply eat out of the container and leave a little behind.

  
  


Baekhyun felt his mouth salivate and made quick work of getting all the containers out, opening the meat one first and digging in. With three bites in his mouth, Baekhyun kept the fork in a hand while he closed the fridge’s door, picking more meat as he went through the cabinets in search of dry snacks he could keep in his room.

  
  


Now how much could he take without it going noticed? If he took a little of everything, they wouldn’t see it.

  
  


He’d need containers to stock them- just where did Kyungsoo leave them?

  
  


_ “Whatever. Let’s eat first.” _

  
  


Noticing there were only a few pieces left, Baekhyun decided to return the meat to the fridge. He still didn’t want them knowing it was him. And just as he was opening the shrimp salad container, someone appeared in his vision.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t scream, but the container burst open on the floor, sending the food and glass shards everywhere around him.

  
  


_ “Baekhyun?” _

  
  


It was Chanyeol’s voice. Baekhyun placed a hand on his erratic heart and turned his body to face him. “I’m sorry-” Looking down, he saw what was  _ yet  _ another mess. “I’m really sorry- I’ll clean it up-”

  
  


“Are you okay?” The boss moved, getting closer to the counter. “Did I scare you?”

  
  


“No, no!” What an idiot, embarrassing himself twice in a single night. “I’m sorry for the mess- I didn’t mean to wake you up- I’m really sorry-” 

  
  


_ What an absolute idiot, Byun Baekhyun.  _

  
  


So he crouched, feeling the floor until a shard caught his palm, burning where it made contact with his skin. It had to be bleeding- he felt it. It didn’t matter, he had to clean up his mess and put what could be salvaged in the fridge.

  
  


_ “Baekhyun.” _

  
  


He looked up, finding Chanyeol just steps away from him with an extended hand towards him. 

  
  


“Get up. Take my hand and let me get you out of there.”

  
  


“It’s okay!” He replied, closing his palm. “I’m fine- I can clean it up I promise. I’ll leave you the kitchen-”

  
  


Except the older man didn’t listen, stepped closer  _ in  _ the mess, grabbed Baekhyun by the waist and hoisted him in the air until he could place him on the counter. “Don’t move. I’ll be back.”

  
  


“But-”

  
  


_ “Don’t move.” _

  
  


Baekhyun wanted to cry and maybe if he did he could blame it on his wound. What was wrong with him?

  
  


_ Just what was wrong with him? _

  
  


Why- why in the world couldn’t he stop messing every single thing he touched? Why did he have to go downstairs at that time- had he gone earlier, or a little later, he wouldn’t have run into the boss nor would he have wasted food.

  
  


_ What a fool. _

  
  


Now what was Chanyeol going to do with him?

  
  


Where had he gone?

  
  


_ Would he raise a hand and strike him across the face like his father used to, or would he yell at Baekhyun like his mother had done at every little mistake? _

  
  


Chanyeol came back, turned on the dimmed lights in the kitchen and joined him, and Baekhyun flinched at the attempted contact, even when he spotted the first aid kit in one of Chanyeol’s hands. “Let me see your hand.” He said, stepping back in the slightest when Baekhyun couldn’t raise his head to look at him.

  
  


“I’m not upset.” Chanyeol whispered, tone softer. “I saw blood on the floor and I think it’s from your hand- I’ll disinfect it and bandage it… that’s all.”

  
  


He shouldn’t be stupid, no. Baekhyun didn’t want to upset his employer so without looking up, he offered his hand and let Chanyeol inspect it- it burned but Baekhyun gritted his teeth when the alcohol came in contact with his skin and let the mafia boss do as he pleased.

  
  


“Does it hurt?”

  
  


Baekhyun shook his head without looking at him.

  
  


_ “Are you sure?” _

  
  
  


“Yes, Sir. Thank you.” And just as Chanyeol started bandaging him, Baekhyun thought of another thing. “I’m sorry for spilling the food and waking you up… and for breaking the container. I didn’t mean to.”

  
  


The boss also didn’t look up, taking off the bandage deemed too small to look in the box for another one. “You didn’t wake me up. I went to your room to check on you after what happened, and didn’t find you there. I heard noise coming from the first floor so I followed.” 

  
  


Why? 

  
  


Why was someone looking after him?

  
  


“Don’t worry about the food.” Chanyeol told him, kneeling himself to the floor to clean it up after telling Baekhyun to sit still and let him deal with it- that he had already injured his hand. “Did you not eat today, though? I heard from Kyungsoo that you weren’t there for lunch or dinner.”

  
  


“I was… not hungry.”

  
  


“All day long?”

  
  


Baekhyun swallowed down and looked at the state of his palm. “I- I got busy and forgot about food- and I just remembered.”

  
  


_ “Forgot?” _ Chanyeol chuckled, shooting Baekhyun a look. “How does one simply  _ forget  _ to eat?” With the trash can left open, Chanyeol picked the biggest glass shards and threw them away. “Is work keeping you busy all day long- I should tell Jongdae to go easier on you.”

  
  


“What? No, no! It’s not work at all- it’s me. I just get distracted easily.”

  
  


“Was it the food, then?” Chanyeol asked again, not dropping the subject. “Did you not like it? You should tell Kyungsoo what you-”

  
  


“No, it’s not that.” It had more to do with someone calling him a  _ nasty whore _ who dared to sit on their table, but that, Chanyeol didn’t have to know. 

  
  


“Did someone bother you?”

  
  


“No!” He almost screamed, earning a look from the mafia boss at the alarmed tone of his voice. “I’m used to eating on my own- that’s what all the prostitutes did at Mal-Chin’s house. Would it be okay for me to eat on my own? I’d feel better- if you don’t mind.”

  
  


“I don’t mind it, no. I hadn’t thought of that.” It went silent for a moment. “I’m glad then. I thought something was bothering you.”

  
  


_ If only he knew. _

  
  


Still, what was being called a cheap whore compared to actually being a cheap whore? It wasn’t the end of the world being called names when he had a place to sleep, food in his mouth, and clothes on his back. 

  
  


Handling Sehun meant ignoring him and pretending he wasn’t there. Baekhyun could do that.

  
  


“But you can always come out and eat with us.” Chanyeol added, now wiping the floor with paper towels. “Eating with people makes the food better.”

  
  


_ No _ , he wanted to answer. Not when he’d been eating on his own for years now.

  
  


“I… I’m still sorry for everything-” Baekhyun motioned. “I’ve barely been here for two days and I’ve given you numerous headaches. I’ll be more careful from now on.”

  
  


Chanyeol hummed, throwing the last few paper towels in the bin before closing the fridge doors. “It’s okay, Baekhyun. I’m not upset at you.” He paused and turned to look at Baekhyun. “You’re allowed to make mistakes, you know? Your mistakes in here won’t put us in danger- unless you forget the stove on and the entire house burns.”

  
  


For a moment, Baekhyun let himself be humored, laughing along with the mafia boss at what looked like a silly attempt to soothe the mood. “Thank you for-”  _ For what?  _ “-for saving me from Mal-Chin, for getting me back my wallet and for giving me a place to live. And for… for being kind. Thank you.”

  
  


While Chanyeol didn’t directly answer back, he did ask Baekhyun what he wanted to eat- emptied the fridge of its content and insisted on cooking something for him. At one in the morning.

  
  


Baekhyun tried convincing him that he was fine without it- that what was left of the soup would be more than enough, but the boss had none of it, preparing him creamy garlic pasta in such a short time he wondered why Chanyeol wasn’t a chef himself.

  
  


“If you ever forget the laundry basket again, just leave it at my door. I’ll take it inside.”

  
  


Why he was so kind to him, Baekhyun tried not to wonder anymore. Thinking meant options and options meant getting closer to the truth.

  
  


And Baekhyun? He knew how ugly the truth could be.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The day had started hectic, and Baekhyun had not been ready for it. Having slept later than he was supposed to, Baekhyun had a hard time resting after having another meal- after having had someone sit with him and talk to him as he ate.

  
  


Chanyeol had asked if it was okay for him to sit with Baekhyun this time- he wanted his opinion on the meal apparently, and Baekhyun, feeling like a burden already, could not deny him a request.

  
  
  


Baekhyun had wolfed down the meal. Their time at the table hadn’t been long, but Baekhyun hadn’t minded it too much. 

  
  


He had supposed it was better than sitting down with Sehun, or even Minseok.

  
  


And in the morning when he got ready to clean Chanyeol’s room, the boss had already left. Baekhyun cleaned everything the way he was supposed to, made sure the laundry was finished and the clothes ironed before returning the basket to Chanyeol’s room and airing it, opening the windows to let new air in the room.

  
  


He had taken his breakfast to his room after thanking Kyungsoo, eaten it quickly, and went to his duties.

  
  


Jongin had not been around, nor was Sehun. The only people Baekhyun saw were Minseok and Jongdae- one, coming in and out of rooms Baekhyun had never been in, and the other, ordering the housekeeping team’s tasks.

  
  


By the time lunch had come, Baekhyun was not finished with his tasks and most of it all, was sweaty. He could not go out in such a state and get food, so he decided he’d wait it out until he was done and had a shower.

  
  


_ “Later.”  _ He scolded his stomach, who seemed to have forgotten Baekhyun fed it during the night. “Just let me finish this day for God’s sake.”

  
  


It was two hours later that he finished, ran to his room and showered, now more bothered than ever with hunger. It was still early in the afternoon, and people would have eaten lunch already.

  
  


True to his words, Baekhyun managed to sneak in a plate to his room and finish it away from everyone.

  
  


And as Kyungsoo knocked one his door and asked him if he was interested in playing a tennis match with him, Baekhyun thought it wouldn’t hurt. Kyungsoo had been friendly and approachable and he didn’t have much to do anymore of his day.

  
  


Kyungsoo must have caught up on Baekhyun’s eating habits, bringing fruits from the inside with him for them to eat after the match. Baekhyun knew nothing about tennis, but it wasn’t so hard to hit the ball as hard as he could just to watch the chef running around every single time.

  
  


And that night, after a second shower all thanks to Kyungsoo, Baekhyun came to notice a box on his bed. 

  
  


And this time too, there was a note glued to it.

  
  


_ I just remembered you didn’t have these in your room. I’m two days late, all my apologies. I hope you like them. _

_ -Chanyeol _

  
  


Inside the box, Baekhyun found perfume and deodorant. Tons of different brands, enough supplies to last him at least a year. When he pulled up the first layer of the box, the second layer presented him with even more products.

  
  


Not knowing what they were, Baekhyun grabbed one and read the bottle.

  
  


Ah. Face products.

  
  


Face washes. Lotions. Face masks. Scrubs. Facial oils. Sunscreen. Eye cream. Lip balms. Hand cream. Foot cream. Body lotions. 

  
  


He almost wanted to laugh, having always thought these were stupid and non-essential- that only people with money and no worries bought them while he struggled paying for rent and food.

  
  


But now holding them, looking at the pretty packaging and all of the miraculous things they claimed to do, no matter how much Baekhyun thought it was for marketing purposes, he was excited.

  
  


These were all his- all his to try and use and have fun with.

  
  


And at the bottom of the box, Baekhyun found another note.

  
  


_ I’m not sure if these are all fit for you. Let me know if anything’s missing. Check your bathroom cabinets, your closet and the drawers. And whenever you run out, just remind me. I hope you like them. _

_ -Chanyeol _

  
  


Baekhyun left the box on the bed and went looking into the bathroom to find it had been stocked- razors, shaving cream and hair products. He found more towels, an entire drawer filled with new tubes of toothpaste and floss.

  
  


The closet had been filled with clothes- so many clothes Baekhyun didn’t know where to look. All going from formal to casual to swimsuits and even tennis outfits.

  
  


He had jeans and sweatpants and even leggings. The weather had been starting to get warm outside, and yet, Baekhyun found all kinds of clothes- for the summer, the fall, the winter and the spring.

  
  


“How did he know my size…” Baekhyun trailed, looking down to see the bottom of the closet had been stuffed with shoes. 

  
  


Way too many shoes.

  
  


“What is left for the drawers then…” And as he walked to the drawers near his bed, Baekhyun found underwear. Pyjamas. Socks. Thick hoodies- exactly the kind he liked. 

  
  


The same kind he had been wearing when he came from Mal-Chin’s house.

  
  


Baekhyun allowed himself another laugh.  _ So he was observant. _

  
  


The least he could do was thank Chanyeol himself.

  
  


Really, Baekhyun had barely been there for now three days, and he was offered more than he ever had.

  
  


And the next day, before even starting his tasks, Baekhyun went to Kyungsoo, asking when the boss would be back.

  
  


“Chanyeol? He won’t be back today.”

  
  


_ What? _

  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  


“He’s on a trip… think of it as a business trip. He’ll be back in a few days.” Kyungsoo paused, shifting his attention from the rice in the bowl to Baekhyun. “Why? Do you need him for anything?”

  
  


“No, no. I was just wondering.”

  
  


If he felt disappointed, Baekhyun didn’t show it.

  
  


_ Whatever. _

  
  


Just because he bought him nice clothes and products didn’t mean he was a man Baekhyun could trust. 

  
  


Still, he’d thank him the next time he’d see him.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


A week had passed since Chanyeol left.

  
  


Since there was nothing left more than to dust the surfaces in Chanyeol’s room, and he felt more than useless watching the rest of the housekeeping team working, Baekhyun went to Jongdae to ask if he could help with house duties.

  
  


“Chanyeol specifically told me not to give you more work.” Jongdae explained, restocking cleaning products. “You can tend to his room as per usual.”

  
  


“But he’s gone. There’s not much I can do and I feel completely useless, Jongdae. Please? Isn’t there  _ anything  _ I could do?”

  
  


Jongdae looked determined, but Baekhyun knew no one would ever come to his state of determination. He had to do something.

  
  


He just  _ had  _ to.

  
  


There was nothing left for him to clean and the amount of money Chanyeol had spent on him made him feel even more useless.

  
  


People would start talking- people like Sehun and perhaps Minseok. And Baekhyun didn’t want that.

  
  


Yes, it was nice spending his days reading at the library and playing tennis with Kyungsoo, but he couldn’t just continue this way.

  
  


What if they deemed him  _ truly _ useless and decided to kick him out?

  
  


“Fine.” Jongdae sighed, placing back the towels in the cabinets. “I still have a few things on my list to get done, but I don’t think the boss would like me giving them to you.”

  
  


“But-”

  
  


“ _ But.  _ There’s one thing he wouldn’t mind, I assume, since it’s something we specifically do for him.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had been told, over and over again, that this office was off limits. And yet, there he was, at its door, watching Jongdae unlock it with a key.

  
  


“I’m the one who usually cleans it- no one else gets inside, but since I’m with you today, you can get in.” Jongdae told him, keeping the door open for him to walk inside. “I’ll let you help me today.”

  
  


Jongdae locked the door back from the inside, pointing to the desk. “You can dust the table, but be careful. Chanyeol hates when his things aren’t placed back the way they were. Don’t mix them, don’t read the papers and don’t drop anything.” He explained, mop ready in his hands to mop the floor.

  
  


So he’d remember- picture frames on the left, papers on the right, and the single pen right besides the papers. “I expected it to be chaotic- the office I mean. It’s rather clean.”

  
  


“Hmm. Chanyeol isn’t the type to keep his things messy. He just likes it extra clean.”

  
  


“It’s the same with his room.” Baekhyun added, carefully placing the papers on the chair. “I’ve never really had to pick things from the floor except a few forgotten clothes- it’s always placed where it should be.”

  
  
  


Just as Baekhyun reached for the pictures, Jongdae called for him. “Be careful with the frames. It’s one of the only pictures he has of his late parents.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked at the frame he had in one hand- a woman, a man, and a child seated between them. The child couldn’t have been older than five. 

  
  


He shouldn’t ask. Baekhyun shouldn’t care and he shouldn’t ask because it was none of his business- not getting involved with other people meant staying away from problems.

  
  


And yet.

  
  


“Has it been a long time?” Baekhyun asked.

  
  


“Ten years now.” Jongdae answered, walking towards him. “They’ve been gone for ten years.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know all that much about the Mafia, but he knew it was a thing that went on from father to son.  _ So Chanyeol had been at its head for ten years. _

  
  


“How… how old is Chanyeol?”

  
  


Supposing Jongdae was safe, Baekhyun didn’t think it was anything to report to the boss. He was allowed to ask questions, wasn’t he? Chanyeol had clearly said to go to him for questions.

  
  


“He’s thirty-two.” Jongdae chuckled, shooting Baekhyun a teasing look. “I know, I know. He’s so young and yet look at his empire. Probably the youngest mafia boss you’ve ever met, right?”

  
  


Baekhyun nodded. So Chanyeol was ten years older than him.

  
  


“He took on very young. We’re just now waiting for him to get married and have children. Ah- what am I saying? Let’s get back to work.”

  
  


There were more things he wanted to ask, but those he knew he should not be asking indirectly- he had to ask Chanyeol.

  
  


_ No. _

  
  


_ What in the world, Byun Baekhyun? _

  
  


_ Enough. _

  
  


So he changed the topic. “Are you sure he won’t be mad- that you brought me here?”

  
  


Jongdae didn’t even look up from where he was dusting the library, laughing like Baekhyun just told him an irresistible joke. “I doubt this man could ever get mad at you.”

  
  


_ What? _

  
  


“What- Minseok told me not to come here. Jongin too- and you too! I just don’t want to upset him.”

  
  


There was something on Jongdae’s face, and Baekhyun didn’t know how to respond- he looked amused. So,  _ so  _ amused.

  
  


“I don’t think he’d be mad at you guys-” Baekhyun pointed at Jongdae and the door- the other men in the house. “-but I mean, I’m a stranger. And he trusts you- I shouldn’t have come here.”

  
  


Jongdae was quick to react. “Baekhyun.” He stopped his train of thoughts, telling him to focus. “Chanyeol’s not the type of person you think he is.”

  
  


_ And what did that mean? _

  
  
  


“He’s kind. With all of us, of course, but with you- there’s something else. He’s been extra careful with you ever since you arrived- do you even know the amount of times he’s been telling us to look after you?”

  
  


_ He had done what now? _

  
  


Jongdae cleared his throat, looking down to his hands like he spoke too much. “What I mean is, he won’t mind it. He’s… we’re more like his associates than his employees. He treats everyone very well, you must have noticed and he trusts me so if I say I brought you in, it’ll be fine.”

  
  


_ Would it be? _

  
  


“But you really have to say  _ you _ wanted to work- he’ll never get off my back for giving you more work.”

  
  


And as Baekhyun was replacing the frames, he wondered just what Chanyeol's deal was.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had been doing the same thing over and over again; he ate breakfast early in the morning, helped Jongdae with extra tasks, and sometimes went to see Kyungsoo to ask if he needed any extra help.

  
  


He could have been doing more- Baekhyun could have gone to ask Sehun or Minseok if he could do anything for them- even the two men looking after the pool every day, or the three women tending to the garden.

  
  


But Sehun and Minseok were off limits, and Baekhyun wasn’t particularly fond of strangers. Instead, he’d take on half of Jongdae’s tasks and help around Kyungsoo around the kitchen.

  
  
  


“Why don’t you sit to eat with us?” Kyungsoo asked him, taking vegetables out of the fridge. “Honestly, the food tastes better when it’s right off the stove.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t look at him. “I’m just… more comfortable on my own. That’s how we- the prostitutes were at Mal-Chin’s house.” He shrugged, catching the tomatoes Kyungsoo threw at him with the towel in his hands. “I’m comfortable like that.”

  
  


“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo insisted. “It’s not the same here anymore. I’m sure you’d have fun with us at the table.”

  
  


Baekhyun had almost been there for two weeks, and yet, he still didn’t sit at the table. He knew other people sat there, people much more important than him, and people he was by no means interested in upsetting. “Thank you, but I prefer staying in my room. Please don’t take it the wrong way-”

  
  


“Don’t worry.” Kyungsoo reassured, smiling at him. “I just hope we get to see you a little more.”

  
  


That wasn’t going to happen with Sehun in the house, but well. 

  
  


“Where’s Jongin?” Baekhyun asked, trying to change the topic. “I was thinking of going to his room to clean up, but I haven’t seen him around lately.”

  
  


Kyungsoo shook his head, chuckling a little too loud when there was nothing even remotely funny in what Baekhyun said.  _ “You only check up on the ones you’re interested in, huh?” _

  
  


“What- I haven’t se-”

  
  


“He left with Chanyeol.” The chef interrupted, passing him a bunch of wet cucumbers. “He’s been gone the same amount of time Chanyeol has, but of course you’d only think of the boss.”

  
  


“No- no, that’s not it at all!”

  
  


Kyungsoo looked nowhere near convinced.

  
  


“No, I- Kyungsoo, please stop laughing!”

  
  


_ “Oh, Baekhyun! You should see your head!” _

  
  


This was not it- this was not it at  _ all.  _ “I’ve been working with Jongdae- with housekeeping tasks, you know? Since Chanyeol’s gone and there’s nothing left but to dust and air his room? So I went to Jongdae and asked how I could help and I just- there are a lot of members in this house! I can’t possibly remember every single one of you!”

  
  


Still, Kyungsoo’s smile was plastered to his face as he chopped the large carrot. “Sure, sure Baekhyun. I believe you.”

  
  


The moment of silence Baekhyun thought was finally going to be peaceful didn’t last long.

  
  


“What about Minseok and Sehun?”

  
  


Well,  _ shit. _

  
  


“What about them?” Baekhyun played deaf, drying the already dry cucumbers in his hands.

  
  


“Why don’t you go see them? Maybe they could use some help.” A pause. “You haven’t really been talking to them either.”

  
  


“Oh, that? I just don’t know them very well.” Yeah, Kyungsoo would totally buy that. “I’m not very good with strangers.”

  
  


And that was true- totally and completely true. Baekhyun had not once addressed a word to the guards standing outside the house, no matter how many times he saw them inside.

  
  


“But you’re good with me and Jongdae, huh? We’re your favorites, just admit it. Your favorite strangers turned friends.”

  
  


That didn’t sound too bad.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Kyungsoo and Jongdae insisted on taking Baekhyun to the cinema room after dinner. Kyungsoo bragged so much about it, and Jongdae wanted Baekhyun to watch a movie with them.

  
  


It was his first time in this room, not even remembering it during the house tour. Chanyeol was still not back, and Baekhyun remembered Kyungsoo telling him it’d only be  _ a few days. _

  
  


Now that it had been a week and a half, Baekhyun was starting to wonder where he was and what he was doing. He still had to thank Chanyeol for everything he had bought him.

  
  


“Have you seen Avatar?” Kyungsoo asked, reaching for the bowl of popcorn from Jongdae’s hands as he walked down the stairs until their seat at the very front.

  
  


“I- I don’t think so.”

  
  


“ _ What?  _ You can’t  _ not  _ have seen it, Baekhyun! It’s like- you just can’t miss a movie like that!”

  
  


Jongdae snatched the bowl of popcorn back from Kyungsoo’s agitated hands. “It’s Kyungsoo’s favorite movie. He made me watch it at least a dozen times-  _ forced  _ me into watching it with him, rather. But have you really not seen it?”

  
  


In response, all Baekhyun could do was shake his head. “I don’t think so.”

  
  
  


And as Kyungsoo praised the plot, the actors, the scenery and the worldwide success it gained, Baekhyun was glad for one thing.

  
  


They didn’t ask him why- why he hadn’t seen it and how come he never heard of it. And he was so glad for that. 

  
  


He didn’t have to explain that he had been living under a rock, only thinking about necessities.

  
  


Baekhyun also didn’t tell them it was the second time he ever stepped in a cinema. Because they didn’t ask.

  
  


They didn’t ask about his prior life, about what he did for Mal-Chin or how he got in that life. Baekhyun also didn’t ask- didn’t ask how they came in contact with the Mafia or Chanyeol or why they were there.

  
  


All he focused on was the movie, and for once, it felt nice sitting with people.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun was dusting Chanyeol’s nightstand when the door opened, revealing the man who had now been gone for two weeks.

  
  


“You’re back.” Baekhyun said without much of a thought, only realising it when it was out of his mouth. “I mean- welcome back. It’s great… that you’re back.”

  
  


Chanyeol dragged his luggage in, chuckling all the way until he closed the door behind him. “It’s nice seeing people expecting me. I didn’t think I’d find you here.”

  
  


Not knowing what to do with his first sentence, Baekhyun decided to only answer the second. “I’ve still been dusting and airing the room every day- I’ll see myself out, then.”

  
  


The boss would want time alone in peace- to change, shower, rest. Baekhyun bowed to him and brought the cleaning supplies outside with him.

  
  


“Come see me in an hour if you’re free.”

  
  


Turning around, Baekhyun found him unpacking his luggage. “I have something to talk to you about. I can go to your room, or you can come to my office.”

  
  


“I’ll go to you.” With one last bow, he left, closing the door behind him.

  
  


Baekhyun wondered what business Chanyeol had that made him leave for two weeks. He wondered if the nice and kind facade he had on in the house for his employees to see shattered when he was on the streets.

  
  


If he fought and killed people. How fair he was.

  
  


These matters weren’t things Baekhyun should have cared about. Curiosity was a disease, his mother always taught him. Getting involved in others’ matters would turn out deadly when he least expected it, his father showed him.

  
  


And yet, Baekhyun wondered. He wanted to know where Chanyeol went and what kind of business he ran- on their first meeting, the boss had told him he didn’t deal with human matters. Human trafficking and prostitution were not his thing.

  
  


He wouldn’t have killed the remaining whores had they been alive.

  
  


He didn’t take death lightly.

  
  


So what exactly was he?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


An hour was enough for Baekhyun to tell Jongdae he had matters with Chanyeol, that he’d have to give him back his tasks for the day. Baekhyun still apologised and promised he’d help him the next day.

  
  


“Don’t worry.” Jongdae answered. “Go see him.”

  
  


So he showered and changed his clothes, spraying perfume lightly over his wrists, applying deodorant and seeing himself out.

  
  


The hallway was empty all the way to the main stairs up until its very end where Sehun and another man from the housekeeping team were standing.

  
  


“He just came back and the first thing he does is go to his whore. How am I not supposed to believe that boy spreads his legs for the boss?”

  
  


Baekhyun stopped dead in his tracks.

  
  


“I think the boss is fucking him.” The other voice said. “There’s no way Chanyeol is  _ this _ fond of him over nothing- he’s got to be a good fuck.”

  
  


“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Sehun approved, putting his hand on the man’s shoulder. “We can’t compete for his attention when he’s got a whore- fuck! I’m new here, god damn it. It’s gonna take me time getting closer to him- getting good offers- and now you’re telling me all his free time is being spent on a  _ hole _ ?”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t want to go anymore. He wanted to go back to his room and lock himself up.

  
  


“He’s been under Mal-Chin for a year- you think he’s got anything left to offer? A loose hole won’t keep the boss warm.”

  
  


He wanted to throw up- just wanted to escape his skin. Baekhyun had felt dirty and used and soiled at Mal-Chin’s feet all alone.

  
  


He had felt humiliated when Chanyeol, Jongin and Sehun barged in on them.

  
  


But what burned his skin was hearing these people talk about him like this- having no idea that this was considered a good life for him.

  
  


They thought it made him dirty. Baekhyun thought it left him alive.

  
  


And just one look at their faces, Baekhyun knew they’d never understand- would never understand, with positions like theirs, what humiliation felt like. Would judge and talk and insult not knowing this had been Baekhyun’s  _ only  _ way at life.

  
  


Did they have an absent mother? Had their father been abusive? Were they left to fend for themselves ever since the tender age of five?

  
  


Or had they been born with easy lives- had they been in positions of power? Had their families been at ease?

  
  


Had Baekhyun not had enough dealing with his own issues to have others shamelessly speak of it- to make him feel  _ dirty _ for having chosen life over death?

  
  


He turned around, walked to the nearest bathroom and went in. It wasn’t time.

  
  


Baekhyun was trained for this- had been trained by his father not to cry or to make noise. He could do it.

  
  


Drying his tears, Baekhyun splashed his face with water once, twice, thrice before he shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m fine-  _ I’m fine. _ ”

  
  


There was still the meeting with Chanyeol, and whatever the boss had to tell him.

  
  


When he walked outside again, Baekhyun found no one in the hallway this time, quickly crossed to the hallway opposite in direction with his room, and walked until the end of it.

  
  


The first door that appeared was Chanyeol’s bedroom, and the one right after, Chanyeol’s office.

  
  


All it took was one knock at the door for a  _ Come in _ .

  
  


He was fine- Baekhyun wouldn’t let it affect him. It was okay.  _ He was fine. _

  
  


“Did you like it?” Was the first thing Chanyeol asked, when Baekhyun was barely yet closing the door behind him. “The products and the clothes- were they alright?”

  
  


Damn him for not letting Baekhyun thank him first. “I wanted to come see you in person to thank you for that.” The younger caught up, bowing. “I was waiting for you to be back to tell you that I really appreciated what you did for me.”

  
  


“Was anything missing?”

  
  


It made Baekhyun laugh, that someone was this concerned over even the smallest of his needs. “No, thanks to you. Everything was there.” He said, as if he was familiar using more than perfume, soap, and deodorant. Still, it made him happy.

  
  


All throughout his life, Baekhyun had never owned this many pairs of shoes- this many expensive products.

  
  


So Chanyeol took very well care of his employees. It wasn’t the first time he heard that.

  
  


“I got the results back from Yixing.” The boss started, pulling an envelope out from his jacket. “It’s about the testing I insisted you get done. Here.”

  
  


“You… you didn’t open it?” He asked, surprised at the sight of the still sealed envelope.

  
  


“Not yet. I do need to know if you’re sick so we can get you treated but since it was yours… I wanted you to look at it first.”

  
  


It all read  _ Negative  _ next to each infection’s name and Baekhyun, although had not been stressed in the beginning, was now relieved. “Here.” He handed it back to Chanyeol, stretching his arm and leaning in until he was above the desk.

  
  


From where he was looking, Baekhyun saw a red book on the side of the table.  _ Anxiety and how to deal with it. _

  
  


He looked back at Chanyeol, busy looking at his result papers, and glanced back. There was a sticky note on it, and all Baekhyun could read was  _ Anxiety attacks, chapter 3.  _

  
  


Pretending not to have seen it, Baekhyun waited until Chanyeol gave him back the papers and he could see himself out, bowing one last time, thanking him one another time for what he had bought him.

  
  


It wasn’t his business what and why Chanyeol had a book about anxiety.

  
  


If Baekhyun didn’t think about it, it couldn’t stress him.

  
  


It worked that way, didn’t it?

  
  


It had to.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


An entire week had passed since the last time Baekhyun saw Chanyeol.

  
  


Sometimes, he’d hear him arrive in the dead of the night, when Baekhyun glanced at the clock on his nightstand to find it flashing a big, red  _ 3:00 _ .

  
  


He’d often hear him talking to other people- would hear people walking and going up and down the stairs. But it’d be late and Baekhyun would be dead tired to remember any of it in the morning.

  
  


Chanyeol would get home in the middle of the night, and he’d leave God knew when, at times Baekhyun didn’t see him.

  
  


While Baekhyun still looked after Chanyeol’s room day by day, it wasn’t rare to find him in the kitchen keeping Kyungsoo company, or somewhere in the house following Jongdae to provide help.

  
  


It was a relief Sehun was nowhere to be seen, but Minseok, Baekhyun had started running into him.

  
  


“What have you been doing?” The old man asked, hands behind his back the way he remembered seeing him walk on his very first day at the mansion. “I see you around Jongdae all day long. Don’t you have anything to get done?”

  
  


Baekhyun kept his eyes to the floor. “I’m just- I’m just helping him, Sir.”

  
  


“ _ Helping him?” _

  
  


At least, this man didn’t insult him.

  
  


“Since the boss isn’t here as often, I don’t have many things to do in his room- so I help Jongdae with his tasks when I don’t have many.”

  
  


Clearing his throat, Minseok looked at the watch on his wrist. “Why don’t you come clean my room? I have clothes that need to be ironed too.”

  
  


“I would love to- would love to make myself useful.” He started, still not looking up. “But the boss made it very clear that I could only tend to his matters- his room, his office and-”

  
  


“ _ Office?” _

  
  


Ah, there he was. Busted. “I only go in with Jongdae to clean the surfaces- I don’t look or touch at anything. I just get my job done, I promise.”

  
  


“You know this will get to the boss, right?”

  
  


Maybe, just maybe, Baekhyun should have kept his big foul mouth closed. “It’s not Jongdae’s fault, Sir. I insisted on helping because I felt like I wasn’t doing enough- Jongdae did nothing wrong.”

  
  


Perhaps since his arrival in this house, Baekhyun had not once seen Minseok looking impressed by his words. “Chanyeol will hear of this, I’ll make sure.”

  
  


And just like that he was gone, bringing nothing but more stress to the already stressed out housekeeper.

  
  


Minseok didn’t insult him, but that didn’t make him any less… imposing.

  
  


_ Still.  _ If he had to choose between Sehun and Minseok, Baekhyun would have chosen Minseok. The man was older and scary and pretended Baekhyun knew nothing of housekeeping and following rules, but he didn’t make him feel unsafe.

  
  


No.

  
  
  


Minseok made him, even somehow, feel included. He was strict and thought he was better than anyone else, but he never disrespected Baekhyun, nor called him by degrading words.

  
  


Now what Baekhyun prayed for was for Jongdae to be right- for Chanyeol not to mind it.

  
  


Had it been true, what Jongdae said?

  
  


_ This man can’t get mad at you. _

  
  


So was he safe?

  
  


Was Baekhyun safe from being hit and yelled at?

  
  


Was that what Jongdae meant?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


One of Kyungsoo’s favorite places in the mansion was the spa. He had told Baekhyun on his first day with them, and they hadn’t had time to go yet.

  
  


The weather was warming up, and Kyungsoo despised sweating excessively. Jongdae was not a fan either.

  
  


So Baekhyun decided to go on his own.

  
  


The past week, he had learned just how irregular Chanyeol’s lifestyle was.

  
  


“It’s often like that.” Kyungsoo had told him. “Sometimes he can go months without ever leaving, and the other extreme is him leaving for months without returning. There’s no… set rule.”

  
  


How did he sleep, assuming he was constantly in and out of different time zones? What did he eat- had it all been pre-cooked meals? 

  
  


Was this mansion a place he called home- a place to return to?

  
  


Baekhyun had changed houses three times in his entire life, and every time felt harder than the other.

  
  


Even when his living conditions weren’t good, they were places he had grown up into. Had lived there- even when he left the familial house at seventeen years old, scared and scarred and praying to never see them again.

  
  


Even when he left his little shabby apartment, the one he took all alone. It had been small and not well-kept, but it was his. It had been lonely and more than a little cold, but he had been at peace.

  
  


And as odd as it sounded, even when he left Mal-Chin’s house, Baekhyun felt empty- like a failure.

  
  


Like his days living in what he thought was luxury and safety were done for.

  
  


They had all been unhappy departures, so why was he still thinking of them?

  
  


And Chanyeol, was he thinking like this too?

  
  


Had it been his first house?

  
  


Had he felt like Baekhyun when he lost his parents- had it hurt as much as Baekhyun when he realised he couldn’t be around his parents for his very own safety- had it hurt, watching his loved ones die?

  
  


Had all of it, this entire lifestyle, been worth it?

  
  


Was that a life?

  
  


_ “You’re a hypocrite, Byun Baekhyun.” _ He chuckled, looking at his hands dipping in the water when he, himself, had gotten involved with organised criminal groups.  _ Was his life a life? _

  
  


At the sudden noise, Baekhyun turned his head, stilling his body to anticipate.

  
  


It was the boss.

  
  


Chanyeol had a towel around his shoulders and he wasn’t looking in Baekhyun’s direction. Something on the floor seemed to have caught his attention until Baekhyun moved in the water.

  
  


“I keep running into you. It’s like you wanna see me.” The boss teased, no ounce of anger in his voice.

  
  


“I- it’s not that!”

  
  


That was not the way it was supposed to come out. “Of course, it’s a pleasure seeing you around but I’m not following you or anything, I promise. I just heard about this-”

  
  


“I’m just kidding, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol eased, placing the towel on the chair by Baekhyun’s to go up the stairs, sitting on the edge of the hot tub. “It’s nice seeing you.”

  
  


“I can- I can leave-” He was already up, glad the swimsuit was large enough to hide him everywhere. “I didn’t know you were coming here. I’ll take my leave then-”

  
  


“Stay.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked up.

  
  


“The tub is big enough for the both of us. If you don’t mind me sitting here, I mean.”

  
  


How could Baekhyun mind it, when it was  _ his _ house?

  
  


“You can leave too if you want of course.” The boss quickly added. “But I’d like it if you stayed. I haven’t really seen you around these past few days.”

  
  


So he sat back down, allowing the water to go all the way up to his neck as he rested against the edge- on the opposite side of Chanyeol’s. 

  
  


He didn’t know what to say- what to reply to that. Baekhyun just… didn’t.

  
  


“How has it been? Have you adapted to life around here?”

  
  


“It’s been wonderful, thank you. And yes I did- everyone’s been very nice with me, thank you.”

  
  


“Has anything been missing? Do you need anything?”

  
  


“Not at all.” The housekeeper replied, keeping his eyes on the water in front of him. “Thank you very much. I have everything I need.”

  
  


It had been a month since he arrived in that house. Their way of living truly did differ from Mal-Chin’s.

  
  


But that didn’t mean Baekhyun was easy to trust any of them just yet.

  
  


Kyungsoo would be the closest thing to what a friend is. Jongdae in second place.

  
  


Jongin was almost never there and Minseok and Sehun were people to stay away from.

  
  


But Chanyeol… Chanyeol, Baekhyun didn’t know.

  
  


He wasn’t exactly a friend, but he also wasn’t just anyone.

  
  


Chanyeol looked after Baekhyun- Chanyeol paid attention to Baekhyun. Chanyeol had seen him during his anxiety attacks.

  
  


And yet he had not yelled. He had not yelled when Baekhyun was up in the middle of the night eating, probably waking him up. Not when Baekhyun sneaked in to return the laundry basket, nor when he found him in the hot tub.

  
  


Chanyeol was… yet to be determined.

  
  


“I was thinking…” Chanyeol trailed, catching Baekhyun’s attention. “You should know how to hold a gun.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t look up. He kept his hands to himself and prayed his ears weren’t functioning well.

  
  


“For self-defense of course. I think it’d be essential.”

  
  


These things were things Baekhyun wanted to stay away from as much as he could. Pointed in his direction, and he had an attack. They triggered in him the same response his body activated when his father started getting angry- when Baekhyun knew he’d get hit.

  
  


Escaping them was the only way to go. Baekhyun was not now nor ever going to put a hand on these things.

  
  


“I don’t think I’m capable enough, Sir.” He answered instead. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I have the capacities.”

  
  


“You’d learn it. I won’t hand you a gun without you having been properly trained to hold it and shoot.”

  
  


Was Chanyeol going to send him on dangerous missions, now? Was that it?

  
  


“Can I ask…”

  
  


“It’s completely for you.” Chanyeol completed. “Living in a house like this, being associated with me and the organisation, I believe you need to- just in case. You never know when you’ll be thrown in an emergency needing to defend yourself.”

  
  


“Emergency?”

  
  


The boss pulled his arms from under the water, placing them on the edge behind him. “Say the mansion is attacked and the guards outside can’t block it.”

  
  


How would that even make sense? There were at least three times more guards in front of Chanyeol’s house than there ever was in front of Mal-Chin’s- and Mal-Chin’s was high security.

  
  


Yet Chanyeol managed to get inside…

  
  


“Or say we get betrayed.”

  
  


Now  _ that _ would be scary.

  
  


_ “Don’t you want to be able to pick up a pistol and keep yourself safe?” _

  
  


That… would not work. Baekhyun could never touch one without having an attack.

  
  


“I…”  _ I’m scared. Don’t you know?  _ “I don’t want to take your time- I know you’re very busy-”

  
  


“Sehun can teach you.” The older interrupted. “He’s very good at it.”

  
  


One more reason not to do it. Except now he was cornered.

  
  


“Can you teach me?” At least, if he had an attack, Chanyeol would be used to it. “If it’s fine by you- I don’t know everyone so well, so asking them for favors is…”

  
  


“So you know me well?” Chanyeol teased, humming. “You feel more comfortable around me than the others?”

  
  


_ Between you and Sehun, absolutely. _

  
  


“Since you offered, Sir.”

  
  


“Fine, fine.” The boss humored him. “Don’t confess now. How about we start next week? I’ll be free then.”

  
  


With nothing better to do, Baekhyun accepted.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


_ “Private lessons with the boss, huh?” _

  
  
  
  


Baekhyun had tried- he had tried his hardest ignoring Kyungsoo’s remarks over the last few days, but every single time he spotted him exiting the training room with Chanyeol by his side, he could not help it.

  
  


Kyungsoo just  _ needed  _ to tease him.

  
  


“He’s just teaching me how to hold a pistol, Kyungsoo.”

  
  


“Right, right.” The chef chuckled, mixing the soup over the stove with a wooden soup. “That’s why you always get out of there sweating and need to shower, then?”

  
  


That was either because he had anxiety attacks or ended up physically training under the boss’ instructions.

  
  


Yeah. The past few days had not been exactly the best.

  
  


_ “It’s unloaded.” _ Chanyeol had told him on the first day, holding it to the floor.  _ “I know they scare you, but they can be very useful. Try holding it.” _

  
  


Holding it had been fine, pointing at a target had not been.

  
  


It had taken a few days for Baekhyun to be able to hold it and pretend he was shooting somewhere without breaking down in sweat and chills- for his position to be correct and for his hold to be steady.

  
  


Chanyeol was better than Sehun on all levels, and it didn’t take Baekhyun being in the mansion for long enough to know.

  
  


Chanyeol had to be near him- corrected his position, touched him and positioned him- had to remind Baekhyun over and over again that it was unloaded and that he‘d be fine. That Chanyeol was there with him and that no harm would come his way.

  
  


_ “I’m here.”  _ He had told him.  _ “You’re safe. I’ll make sure you always are, but I want you to be able to defend yourself.” _

  
  


Temporarily, he had to trust him. Baekhyun had to hold the pistol and imagine he was in danger- that surviving meant shooting like it had meant becoming a whore.

  
  


Yet, he still didn’t get it. Just why Chanyeol was this kind to him, this careful, when he knew he wasn’t this way with his other employees.

  
  


Baekhyun had watched the boss act with the others- he was not a bad man, nor a bad boss for that occasion. Chanyeol simply… didn’t do for them what he did for Baekhyun. Not to that extent at least.

  
  


And he wasn’t ready to jump to conclusions like Kyungsoo was- didn’t want to go there willingly or not. Both ways would bring him nothing but trouble.

  
  


Mistaking the boss for having something for him would be rude towards Chanyeol, and acknowledging this  _ thing _ if it was true meant Baekhyun had to somehow act on it.

  
  


No. Baekhyun was not stupid.

  
  


“It’s not like that at all, Kyungsoo.” He reminded, almost wanting to laugh in the chef’s face because what could a man like Chanyeol find in an ex-prostitute like Baekhyun?

  
  


A guy who didn’t even go to college. Who came from a dysfunctional family. Who had no money whatsoever.

  
  


What could a man like Chanyeol who grew up in wealth and ease find in a good for nothing one like Baekhyun?

  
  
  
  
  


If it was a sick game the boss was playing, Baekhyun needed to know because if what he wanted was Baekhyun’s ass and mouth, all he had to do was say the word and Baekhyun would serve him like he had served Mal-Chin.

  
  


At least, it was easy with Mal-Chin. He spoiled Baekhyun, made him understand he was his favorite, and Baekhyun knew very well what he had to do in return. It was planned- predictable.

  
  


He didn’t have to second guess and overthink; Baekhyun offered his ass and his mouth and Mal-Chin offered a place to live, food, and clothes.

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t have to pretend to be a gentleman to get what he wanted.

  
  


It really made no sense.

  
  


“Sure thing, Baekhyun. It isn’t like that at all.”

  
  


And Baekhyun? He really hoped it wasn’t.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had been keeping track of the time ever since he arrived at the mansion. 

  
  


_ A week. _

  
  


_ A month. _

  
  


_ Two months. _

  
  


It had been two months ever since he stepped in this house- since they welcomed him.

For a reason he couldn’t pinpoint, even with Sehun’s presence, Baekhyun felt safer there than he ever did in Mal-Chin’s house.

  
  


Had it been because Chanyeol didn’t offer him to work as a whore or because he had gone to great lengths to make sure Baekhyun was comfortable? Or maybe was it because he made… friends?

  
  


_ Friends  _ was a big word- one Baekhyun had never used before. But Kyungsoo considered Baekhyun a friend. Jongdae considered him a friend.

  
  


Baekhyun just… went with the flow.

  
  


They didn’t ask him personal things and whether it was because they knew or not, Baekhyun enjoyed it that way.

  
  


And Chanyeol… there was still no way to figure him out. No way to know if he was playing a sick game on Baekhyun before throwing him back where he deserved or if he was genuinely a good person- if he had taken Baekhyun in because he pitied him.

  
  


These thoughts, the housekeeper knew didn’t matter much because in the end, he would never trust a man. And he knew his place.

  
  


Pretending this little game between him and Chanyeol didn’t exist was much better. If anyone had to act on it, it’d be the boss. Baekhyun would follow.

  
  


Was it a game?

  
  


Was Baekhyun supposed to figure out what Chanyeol wanted?

  
  


He hoped not. 

  
  


He really hoped not.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It was when the third month rolled around that Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol’s trips becoming more and more often.

  
  


For the time they saw him around the house, he was gone twice that time.

  
  


It started with days, gradually going up to weeks.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t mind it, found that with Chanyeol away, he wasn’t stuck thinking about his intentions. Still, Kyungsoo loved to remind him on the daily that none of them received the boss’ attention the way Baekhyun did while Jongdae told the chef to  _ stop _ teasing him.

  
  


They all did, the men of the house. Sehun kept making remarks about Baekhyun- about him being the boss’ favorite when  _ he _ deserved more recognition for his work. Baekhyun wasn’t sure how it all worked, but surely, if Sehun deserved his attention, he’d have been getting it.

  
  


Jongin, for example, was getting it. Given, he had been by Chanyeol’s side for longer, but he had to prove himself first. Had gone through rigorous training for a year and a half before becoming who he was today.

  
  


And that, he had all learned it from Kyungsoo.

  
  


“Jongin isn’t Chanyeol’s right-hand man though.” Kyungsoo told him one day, urging Baekhyun to drop his daily tasks to spend time with him while he prepared lunch. “Jongin’s been there for a few years, but he doesn’t compare with Minseok.”

  
  


“Minseok?”

  
  


“Hmm. Minseok. He came in a little after Chanyeol’s parents passed away- supported Chanyeol while he took over things and mourned.”

  
  


It always made Baekhyun’s chest tighten, hearing that Chanyeol had mourned people. That he had lost people. But he always told himself it was because he couldn’t believe one would mourn his parents- couldn't believe ever crying over his own parents’ death.

  
  


“Chanyeol was a mess.” Kyungsoo recalled, peeling onions while Baekhyun took the waste away. “He didn’t eat for a whole week. Locked himself up. We’d often find him crying on their graves  _ even  _ when we told him going out was dangerous. The organisation was a mess after they passed- we were all shaken up, and Chanyeol wasn’t ready. We were an easy target, and yet, he kept going out to see them.”

  
  


How old was he? Exactly Baekhyun’s age.

  
  


So he cried and mourned and he was Baekhyun’s age. 

  
  


_ How much must it have hurt? _

  
  


“It’s a given. He was extremely attached to them and from one day to the other, not only had he lost one, but two.” Kyungsoo shook his head, like he regretted even recalling the memory. “First it was his father, and barely twelve hours later it was his mother. They didn’t even die together.”

  
  


Should he ask?  _ What happened to them? _

  
  


“How do you… know all of this?”

  
  


“Me?” Kyungsoo pointed at himself with the knife. “I worked for them- under Chanyeol’s father I mean. I was there when it happened.”

  
  


That… made no sense. “How- how old are you again?”

  
  


“I’m twenty-nine” Kyungsoo replied, laughing at Baekhyun’s face. “If you’ve done the math quickly, it means I was nineteen when they died.” He shrugged, like it was normal. “It’s not uncommon for people to get in young. My father knew Mister Park, and when my father passed, he took me under his wing.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know how to react concerning Kyungsoo’s reveal. “So you’ve always been a nice cook?” He tried, happy to see the smile on Kyungsoo’s face.

  
  


“I’ve always been in the kitchen if that’s what you’re asking. Mister Park didn’t make me work on the streets, no. He was very kind to me.”

  
  


Was Baekhyun also supposed to reveal things about himself- would he pass for rude if he didn’t?

  
  


“So you and Chanyeol have been friends for a long time?”

  
  


This time, the chef burst out in laughter, putting the knife and the onion down to lift his face. “Worry not, Baekhyun. I’m not stealing him from you.”

  
  


“That’s not what I meant!”

  
  


All Kyungsoo offered in return was a laugh, nodding a very non-convincing nod. “Sure it isn’t. But yes, we’ve been friends for a long time now.”

  
  


So Chanyeol had friends. He wasn’t as cold and detached as Baekhyun thought he was. 

  
  


“Why? Surprised Chanyeol has friends?”

  
  


Just why was Kyungsoo so good at guessing anything and everything before it came out of Baekhyun’s mouth? 

  
  


“He’s much, much softer than you think.”

  
  


Baekhyun hadn’t said a single thing.

  
  


“You’ll see.”

  
  


_ See what exactly? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It was a regular thing for Chanyeol to get his meals outside but recently, for a reason Baekhyun ignored, on the days he was home, he’d come knocking on Baekhyun’s door.

  
  


“Do you mind?” He’d ask him, plate already in a hand. “I know you don’t like being at the table with everyone, but I thought you’d like a little company.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t refuse him- how could he, when the man owned the house he stayed in and provided him meals?

  
  


Still, it was like he knew of Baekhyun’s aversion to touch and sat far from him. 

  
  


At this point, Baekhyun wasn’t afraid of him- not terrified at the very least, like he was, when he met Chanyeol with a gun pointing to Mal-Chin’s head.

  
  


Chanyeol, had, as much as Baekhyun wanted to deny it, proved himself to be trustworthy. To a limit, he always liked reminding himself.

  
  


The mafia boss was still a stranger to him- he was still at the head of an organised crime group and he was still a man. 

  
  


Sometimes, Baekhyun thought of Chanyeol’s parents. For a reason, it fascinated him to think someone could cry and mourn as much as he did over  _ parents _ .

  
  


And for someone like him- for having had parents like his, it was impossible.

  
  


So he wondered what they were like- he wondered how they had raised Chanyeol in an environment like theirs and if Chanyeol resented them for their way of life.

  
  


Their conversations weren’t very long, and Baekhyun, still reserved, tried not prying. While Chanyeol asked him questions about what he had done during the day, about the books he had read and what he had done with Kyungsoo and Jongdae, Baekhyun didn’t ask about his day- how many people he had fought, if he had killed anyone that same day.

  
  


If his hands had been soiled in blood or not, Baekhyun didn’t ask. It made him scary.

  
  


It made Chanyeol scary- being such a nice man in the house and what Baekhyun believed was a beast on the streets.

  
  


_ He doesn’t take death lightly. _

  
  


So he didn’t. How morally correct did that make him?

  
  


How morally correct did that make Baekhyun’s father, hitting him but not killing him?

  
  


Baekhyun wondered.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  
  


When the fourth month of his stay arrived, Baekhyun was surprised to see how well he ended up fitting in that household.

  
  


Chanyeol’s schedule was still hectic, and Baekhyun never knew when to expect him or not. His job tasks were still the same; he still went to help Jongdae and Kyungsoo when he finished too early, and they still took him out for tennis and the movies and just recently, all three of them started going to the gym regularly, despite Kyungsoo’s absolute hate for sweat.

  
  


“Gotta stay healthy and in shape.” He said, running on the treadmill like his life depended on it. “I’m not twenty-nine looking like I’m twenty for nothing.”

  
  


“You don’t look like you’re-”

  
  


“Shut up, Jongdae. Start running, please.”

  
  


So he went with them, ran and sweated. He laughed when they laughed and he cried at the movies when they cried.

  
  


It was still… odd for him to have people like these. They still didn’t know a single thing about Baekhyun besides the fact that he was a whore for Mal-Chin, and yet, Kyungsoo had told him about his past, and Jongdae never asked.

  
  


And on his bed that night, Baekhyun found yet another bag with a note glued to it. Every time he spotted one of these, he knew it meant Chanyeol had left.

  
  


This time, it was a new pair of shoes.

  
  


_ Heard you’ve been into work out. Thought you might need a new pair so I got you one. I hope you like the color. _

_ -Chanyeol _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It had been a week since the last time Baekhyun saw Chanyeol- heard of him, even. Out of curiosity, pure and absolute curiosity, he went to Kyungsoo to ask- slip it in a conversation incognito.

  
  


“I haven’t heard about him since he left.” Kyungsoo casually answered, telling Baekhyun to get the meat out of the freezer. “Why? Worried about him?” He wiggled his brows, finding endless amusement in teasing Baekhyun.

  
  


“No- just that I- I was wondering just because… thinking.”

  
  


What a mess, Baekhyun.  _ Why am I even asking? _

  
  


“Even if I did want to contact him, I wouldn’t be able to.”

  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  


“He never makes contact with the house when he’s out.”

  
  


What did that mean? 

  
  


“As in…?”

  
  


“As in he never calls and takes a different phone each time to ensure we don’t call him.”

  
  


Now that simply made no sense.

  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo grabbed a plate and set down the freezing piece of meat. “No one knows this is Chanyeol’s mansion and he wants to keep it that way. He says he doesn’t want the people working for him to be more in danger than they already are.”

  
  


When Baekhyun gave him another questioning look, Kyungsoo sighed. “I still don’t get why you haven’t been using the internet- didn’t Chanyeol give you permission?”

  
  


Baekhyun nodded.  _ He had.  _ “I just… I went without it for a long time and it’s… it feels better without it.” Now what he didn’t want to reveal was that he had no one to contact, no one to worry about him. And that he wasn’t interested in what happened in the outside world.

  
  


What was important was him. His survival. His safety. 

  
  


And even when he had access to it, Baekhyun never was one to be consumed by it.

  
  


“Let me surprise you with this: Chanyeol is the biggest mafia boss in the city-  _ the  _ biggest. They call him the Phoenix.”

  
  


With yet another dumbfounded look of Baekhyun, Kyungsoo took pity on him. “He’s bigger than Mal-Chin ever was. He’s on top in the city- why do you think he went in Mal-Chin’s house and ended him? Because the guy overstepped on territory Chanyeol had declared  _ his _ .”

  
  


Now he sounded like a mafia boss- like the ruthless one Baekhyun had in mind.

  
  


“Don’t make that face.” Kyungsoo comforted, placing his elbows on the counter. “Mal-Chin was about to kill you. He had ordered for all the prostitutes to get killed. He wasn’t a good man.”

  
  


No indeed he wasn’t. But that meant Chanyeol killed.

  
  


Chanyeol killed  _ people _ for what he wanted.

  
  


“Don’t make that face.”

  
  


Baekhyun quickly caught himself and dropped his expression.

  
  


“People know not to fuck with Chanyeol, and they know what happens when they do. He doesn’t touch people who don’t do a thing to him, nor does he lay hands on innocents.”

  
  


Surely, Kyungsoo was Chanyeol’s friend and defending and protecting him was something he did naturally.

  
  


He forgot it, the fact that Chanyeol was capable of violence and death. He forgot it when he found sweet notes on his bed and gifts every other day.

  
  


Baekhyun forgot it when he remembered that Chanyeol had taken him in without forcing him to be his whore- without giving him no choice but to offer him sex. He had been kind and welcoming, and Baekhyun was grateful.

  
  


But he could be. He had been violent and deadly.

  
  


What guaranteed he’d never be towards Baekhyun?

  
  


Nothing.

  
  


Nothing guaranteed that.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


One thing Baekhyun was happy about from Chanyeol’s departure was the fact that whenever he left, Sehun had started leaving with him alongside Jongin.

  
  


Baekhyun felt just the slightest free around the house despite Minseok’s existence. The man had not tried meddling in his business ever since he told Chanyeol about Baekhyun going in his office and the mafia boss had not reacted.

  
  


_ “Why are you reporting this to me?”  _ He had asked, and Baekhyun knew because he overheard the conversation. “Jongdae let him in and you know Jongdae is allowed inside. He needed a helping hand and Baekhyun was free.”

  
  


“But, still. Don’t you think we should be more careful with him? He’s new and we’re still-”

  
  


“I don’t have a problem with him.” Had been Chanyeol’s answer. “I don’t and I hope you also don’t, Minseok.”

  
  


It hadn’t taken more than this to get Minseok off his back. They still met in the hallways- Baekhyun only bowed and Minseok acknowledged him with a nod.

  
  


It was better than nothing.

  
  


Now all he would have loved was for Chanyeol to do the same with Sehun- maybe even kick him out for being so disrespectful.

  
  


Except Baekhyun would never tell him- he’d never risk peace and stability just for a few insults. It wasn’t worth it. Baekhyun could put up with that if it meant living like this.

  
  


Baekhyun could take it, right?

  
  


Right?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Through the weeks, Baekhyun found himself thinking more and more of the mafia boss. 

  
  


It made no sense and irritated him to no end- what was the point in it? Why was he thinking of him?

  
  


It wouldn’t benefit him in any way and he knew it was stupid.  _ So why? _

  
  


Baekhyun wondered where he was and what he was doing- he thought about the fact that no one had ever treated him this way before without expecting anything in return.

  
  


Chanyeol wanted to spend time with him, and he made sure they saw each other a few times a week- as if they were something.

  
  


He’d go in his room and ask if they could eat together- Chanyeol kept training Baekhyun on how to hold a gun and he even took him for a swimming lesson once.

  
  


_ “Just in case.” _ He had told him.  _ “What if you’re thrown in the water someday?” _

  
  


Baekhyun knew how to swim. Chanyeol thought reminding him was a good idea.

  
  


There was something about the way he talked- about how he was always prepared for things to end- how he prepared Baekhyun  _ just in case. _

  
  


Did he think his end was near?

  
  


Did he know?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Going into his room that night, Baekhyun prepared himself to shower and get ready for sleep when he noticed a bag on his bed.

  
  


It had become a routine, checking it before continuing.

  
  


This time, Baekhyun was horrified by what was in it.

  
  


_ I didn’t want to scare you, but I haven’t had time to give it personally to you. You can hide it somewhere in your room or keep it on you. Keep yourself safe. _

_ P.S. It’s not loaded.  _

_ I’ll be gone for a long moment. Take care of yourself. I hope to see you again. _

_ -Chanyeol  _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The pistol stayed in Baekhyun’s room, hidden, and unloaded. Chanyeol’s fears were his and Baekhyun understood them, but Baekhyun also had his.

  
  


Carrying a gun on him at all times was not something he was comfortable doing.

  
  


Baekhyun still thought about him- wondered why he was always on his guards. But then he thought he was just the same.

  
  


Only for different reasons.

  
  


After finishing his tasks, Baekhyun didn’t go to see Kyungsoo or Jongdae, no. He decided to head to the library- it’d distract him. 

  
  


What he needed was to keep his mind off Chanyeol and questions involving Chanyeol and the pistol in his room.

  
  


Going through the rows, Baekhyun had in mind to pick a novel. A story, like he used to. And secretly, when no one was looking, Baekhyun chose romantic ones.

  
  


They were cliché, done over and over again, unrealistic and so different from what life was, but he still read them. For a reason, he found it funny.

  
  


Baekhyun found it funny to see how fast and easily people fell in love- how people  _ trusted _ each other. How sex  _ meant  _ something to them. That it wasn’t just a way to get off.

  
  


He found it ridiculous and yet continued reading, forever amused at their progression.

  
  


And just as he passed to get to his favorite section, something caught Baekhyun’s eye.

  
  


_ How Childhood Affects Adult Life: Theory of Attachment. _

  
  


Whatever. That couldn’t be more interesting than his cliché novels.

  
  


With yet a new _ already seen _ plot in hand, Baekhyun walked back to his favorite reading spot where a single seat couch was facing an artificial bonfire. But the moment he sat down, he remembered the book.

  
  


“ _ Fuck it.” _

  
  


Baekhyun walked back in the same direction and grabbed the book, looking around until he found the library section’s title.

  
  


_ Psychology. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


He tried- Baekhyun tried not looking at the psychology book so he could indulge in the romantic story first, except his hands didn’t let him. They itched to just throw it open and read.

  
  


Baekhyun hadn’t gone anywhere after high school in terms of education, but he knew what these things meant. Somewhere deep down, he knew the exact reason why he was reluctant about opening this book.

  
  


What  _ Psychology  _ and  _ childhood _ meant, he already knew.

  
  


And opening it, reading the first few sentences, he had been right.

  
  


But continuing, reading through the pages and acknowledging what it meant was another thing. Remembering his parents and his childhood was another thing.

  
  


Learning that had they treated him better, he wouldn’t have turned out the way he did was… unbearable.

  
  


Realising that Baekhyun's everyday normalcy was not considered normal was what hit the most.

  
  


That it was not normal to be completely and utterly terrified of people. That normal, securely attached people weren’t afraid of communicating their emotions.

  
  


That they trusted people.

  
  


Baekhyun laughed, because it was the only sane thing to do. Because people like these existed, and what he went through wasn’t normal.

  
  


It wasn’t the norm.

  
  


People weren’t all like Baekhyun.

  
  


But he knew that- he knew his friends had nicer parents and thought he was just not lucky.

  
  


_ How was everything so tangled? _

  
  


He knew it but seeing it written down in a book, explained through examples- feeling himself thrown back in that house… it just hit differently.

  
  


It almost felt illegal, informing himself. It felt as if he shouldn’t have been doing that- as if he had read secrets and wasn’t supposed to have seen it.

  
  


But he had. It was too late and he had.

  
  


Walking back to the same section, Baekhyun brought back as many books as his arms could handle.

  
  


Not even looking at the titles, he sat back down with all of them in his lap.

  
  


The title of the one on top surprised him.

  
  


_ The Psychology of Human Sexuality. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Sometime later, Kyungsoo dropped by the library, asking where Baekhyun had been all day long.

  
  


“Jongdae’s in the mood for a movie, are you free?”

  
  


Baekhyun was not- Baekhyun was absorbed and mentally unable to go, He had left aside the first book on attachment and had fully immersed himself in the one about sexuality.

  
  


There was something so… raw about sexuality. Not because of the sexual act, but because they associated it to emotions.

  
  


Sex was casual for Baekhyun. Emotions were raw.

  
  


Emotions had been forbidden a long time ago, and yet, this book associated them with something Baekhyun never would have; sex.

  
  


“If you’re busy, though…” Kyungsoo trailed, looking at the amount of books Baekhyun had by his side. “I can tell him to keep it for later.”

  
  


As much as Baekhyun wanted to continue reading, he knew he had to go. It felt like being caught doing something he shouldn’t have, having Kyungsoo walking in on him reading about emotions.

  
  


“Sure, give me ten minutes and I’ll be there.”

  
  


And as Kyungsoo left, Baekhyun gathered all the books and ran to his room, hid them under his bed like a secret, and went out.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  
  


When the fifth month went by, Baekhyun found himself still going to the library. Every single day, he’d go and grab a new book, almost obsessed with psychology and what it offered him.

  
  


He went and picked new books, brought them back to his room and waited for the night to read them. Sometimes he’d even wake up earlier to avoid running into people when his hands were full like he had to be ashamed of these books.

  
  


And it had him thinking- the fact that Chanyeol had been gone for a month.

  
  


“Do you know how long he’ll be gone?”

  
  


Kyungsoo shook his head, opening a drawer to grab a new towel. “He didn’t say anything. It’s been a month though… either it’s soon or he’ll be extra long.” A pause, then. “Why? Missed his face already?”

  
  


At this point, Kyungsoo had become used to Baekhyun ignoring his questions and walking away.

  
  


Because Baekhyun had no real answer to provide.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When Baekhyun finally heard of Chanyeol, it was a month later. He had been living in the mansion for six months, and Chanyeol had been gone for two entire months.

  
  


When he saw Yixing running through the main entrance with blood-stained hands, he knew something went wrong. And when he spotted Chanyeol on a stretcher being brought inside with a stained hand over his abdomen, he knew something was definitely wrong.

  
  


_ Why was he not in the hospital? _

  
  


The doctor was yelling direction instructions, and all Baekhyun could do was stand there, watching as they transported him further in the mansion.

  
  


Baekhyun ran downstairs and found Kyungsoo just as shocked. “W-What happened? Why isn’t he in the hospital?!”

  
  


“He can’t go to the hospital.” Kyungsoo answered, frowning even more as Jongin and Sehun were transported in equally on stretchers. “They can’t go.”

  
  


“Then is he just going to  _ die _ ?”

  
  


“We have an operation room.” The chef quietly answered, arms crossed over his chest. “They can get treated here. That’s what they always do.”

  
  


More men came running through the main entrance, guided by house staff towards the direction Chanyeol was transported in.

  
  


While Baekhyun panicked, Kyungsoo looked much calmer. Like someone who had gone through it multiple times.

  
  


And perhaps, he had after all.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It took hours before hearing from Yixing again.

  
  


“They’re all safe.”

  
  


Baekhyun… didn’t really care about all of them. He just wanted to know if Chanyeol was well.

  
  


“All you need to do is make sure they take their medication.” He pointed to the table, little bottles full of pills and notes stuck to them with each of their names. “The frequency at which the medication should be taken is also written. Just make sure they have meals with them.”

  
  


Jongdae was the first one to react. “Thank you, Yixing.” He shook his hand. “Will you be staying around?”

  
  


The doctor laughed, shaking his head. “There’s no need to remind you about the medication- I’ll be here for a few days.”

  
  


It was Minseok’s turn to thank him, bowing profusely to the young doctor as if Yixing had just saved  _ his  _ own life- he was pale, and no matter how nervous Baekhyun felt, he knew Minseok was far worse.

  
  


He just didn’t know why.

  
  


Kyungsoo, who considered Chanyeol his friend from over ten years, didn’t do as much. But Minseok, who was nothing but his right-hand man, was seconds away from tears.

  
  


All Baekhyun could think was… what happened.

  
  


_ Just what exactly had happened? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


No one was allowed in the resting rooms for the first few hours. No one but Yixing and his medical team.

  
  
  


Kyungsoo made enough food for everyone and distributed plates- for the guards, the doctors, and the rest of the house.

  
  


Sehun deserved to get stabbed, but Jongin didn’t. And Chanyeol certainly didn’t.

  
  


Baekhyun had come to the conclusion that Chanyeol was not the horrible man he first thought he was. Chanyeol was kind with him, and even if it meant he had been playing this little game just to fuck Baekhyun, he didn’t mind.

  
  


The boss had taken care of him, spoiled him, and Baekhyun wouldn’t mind having sex with him at that point. If their little contract changed, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

  
  


Chanyeol was young and handsome. And Baekhyun was under the idea that he knew how to fuck much better than Mal-Chin.

  
  


He wouldn’t mind it, no.

  
  


Was that why he was worried Chanyeol had gotten stabbed?

  
  


Was that why he wanted to go check on him?

  
  


Had reading psychology books made him realise things?

  
  


“Stop deluding yourself, Baekhyun.” He ended up speaking out loud, now alone in his bedroom. “Why else would you be worried about him? He’s your boss- of course you don’t want him dying. What would you become if you were left with no job?”

  
  


Yeah, that made much more sense.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun kept pacing in his room until he had enough. He needed to go see Chanyeol.

  
  


There had been a lot of… thinking on his side these past two months. A lot that included why he acted the way he did and why he felt the way he did.

  
  


The housekeeper wondered about his relationships with others- about how he had not let anyone in ever since he left the family house.

  
  


And the person closest to him in terms of knowing him, of having seen him vulnerable, was Chanyeol.

  
  


The person who had cared enough to inform himself on anxiety and anxiety attacks  _ just _ because Baekhyun suffered from it had been Chanyeol.

  
  


The one who had saved him- who had taken him into his house, had him tested, taught him how to hold a gun and protect himself, who had spoiled him, offered him gifts and accommodated him.

  
  


Chanyeol had been the one to care about him the most all these months. And maybe that was why Baekhyun felt the need to go check on him. Maybe, just maybe, he felt like he needed to return the favor and do the same for him.

  
  


No, he did not acknowledge his beating heart. Nor the way his hands trembled. Baekhyun did not acknowledge that thinking of seeing Chanyeol after two months had him overthinking.

  
  


_ Had this man always paid attention to him? _

  
  


_ Had Baekhyun just realised? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


In the end, Baekhyun decided to go see him.

  
  


Chanyeol had been gone for two months, and Baekhyun hadn’t been able to thank him for the last gift- no matter how much it terrified Baekhyun.

  
  


Thank him for the gift, check on him as his employer... the reasons looked valid enough.

  
  


So he went downstairs, asked one of the men who brought Chanyeol inside which way was the operation room, got told he was in a resting room, and followed his directions.

  
  


Just as he was about to get ready to knock on the door, Baekhyun found Yixing coming out of it, turning on the hallway without seeing him as he stood on the side. Inside, Baekhyun found Kyungsoo and Minseok around Chanyeol.

  
  


The chef was reading a paper and Minseok was sitting by Chanyeol’s side on a chair near his bed, a hand in his, while Chanyeol talked with his eyes closed.

  
  


_ “I’m fine.”  _

  
  


_ “No, you’re not.”  _ Came Kyungsoo’s answer.  _ “We’ll look after you, just get some sleep. The medication is going to kick in soon.” _

  
  


_ “Kyungsoo, I’m fine I swe-” _

  
  


_ “Stop being dumb. You just got stabbed. You could’ve died, for God’s sake.” _

  
  


Baekhyun chuckled to himself- he had come here like a fool expecting to find Chanyeol alone and awaiting him like he always did.

  
  


_ “Ahh what was I thinking…” _

  
  


So he didn’t need him.

  
  


Baekhyun turned around and left, failing to notice the eyes on him.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Chanyeol’s room had been cleaned prior in the morning, and the entire household had been fretting over the three injured men. With nothing left to do, Baekhyun went back to his room.

  
  


“Why- why did I go?” He muttered, looking at the books on his nightstand. “What was I thinking- get a fucking grip, Byun Baekhyun!”

  
  


Why?

  
  


Why in the world was he checking on someone?

  
  


Baekhyun was not worried- he just wanted to return the favor.

  
  


_ So why exactly was he mad Chanyeol already had people? _

  
  


Minseok was old enough to be his father, so Baekhyun didn’t make movies in his head. Chanyeol wouldn’t date someone like him.

  
  


But Kyungsoo… Kyungsoo, he just might.

  
  


Baekhyun stopped dead in his tracks.  _ What the fuck. _

  
  


So what if he dated Kyungsoo?

  
  


_ Kyungsoo wouldn’t date him, though. Kyungsoo had an unspoken crush on Jongin. _

  
  


“It doesn’t matter.” Baekhyun reminded himself, not wanting to be caught in useless matters. So what if the books said Chanyeol had feelings for him?

  
  


So what?

  
  


Was that enough to get Baekhyun agitated?

  
  


“Get a grip.” Baekhyun repeated, laying a palm over his forehead. “You don’t trust people. You don’t trust men. He’s a criminal-  _ you don’t trust him. _ ”

  
  


Okay, perhaps he was just the slightest bit flustered over someone just maybe having feelings for him.

  
  


If they were romantic, he didn’t know. It  _ would _ explain his behavior. But he could be wrong too-  _ how? _

  
  


_ Would a guy whose only intention was to fuck him do this much for him? _

  
  


They were rare, the moments he received love in his life. Perhaps in the beginning when his mother was still somehow sober- then nothing.

  
  


It had been a long time, and Baekhyun didn’t know what it felt like. Barely remembering it from his childhood didn’t compare with being an adult and being on the receiving end of it.

  
  


_ So what? _

  
  


_ He has feelings for me, so what? _

  
  


Ridiculous was what it was. Someone like Chanyeol had feelings for someone like Baekhyun?

  
  


What a joke.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Like a fool, Baekhyun found himself in front of Chanyeol’s door yet another time. He waited behind the hallway until Yixing and Kyungsoo left the room to approach it slowly, still second guessing his decision.

  
  


“ _ Come on in. I know you’re here.” _

  
  


Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun pushed the door open and entered, immediately laying eyes on Chanyeol’s form on the bed.

  
  


“Are you okay?”

  
  


The boss chuckled, holding the wound with a palm as his body shook. “I’ve seen better days.”

  
  


Right. What a stupid question to ask. “I mean, how’s the-” Baekhyun pointed to where Chanyeol’s shirt was up, where the bandage covered his skin. “How is it?”

  
  


“It hurts like a motherfucker.”

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t help laughing, prompting the boss to laugh alongside him. “I’m sorry. That was a dumb question.”

  
  


Shaking his head, Chanyeol tapped the chair next to him. “Sit. Don’t stay on your feet.”

  
  


So he followed, dragged the chair away from the IV drip not to knock it out. Chanyeol looked pale, and lying there, much less intimidating than he usually did.

  
  


_ What happened? _

  
  


“What did Yixing say?” He asked instead, keeping his eyes on the wound. “How serious is it?”

  
  


The boss yawned, and Baekhyun remembered Kyungsoo saying something about the medication kicking in. “Maybe two weeks, but I won’t die.” He winked, trying to put a hand behind his head but momentarily forgetting the IV before placing his hand back where it was. “Don’t worry, I’m not dying.”

  
  


Baekhyun did not ask.

  
  


_ But he was very happy with the answer. _

  
  


Deciding not to ask furthermore, Baekhyun allowed the boss to ask him about the past two months.

  
  


And as he fell asleep, Baekhyun carefully left the room on his tippy toes, gently closing the door behind himself- almost screaming when he found Kyungsoo leaning against the wall, smile way too large stretched on his face.

  
  


_ “What?” _

  
  


Kyungsoo shrugged. “Nothing. I’m just glad you came to see him. He’s been… asking about you. He wanted to see you.”

  
  


_ What? _

  
  


Had it always been like this?

  
  


Had Baekhyun just been blind to it?

  
  


_ Had he? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Kyungsoo had Baekhyun going to Chanyeol’s room to bring him his meals. He’d wait outside until Yixing was done checking on him, would tell Baekhyun what pills he had to take and leave them alone.

  
  


“You came again.” His tone was so soft, like he expected Baekhyun not to come.

  
  


The housekeeper almost dropped the plate. “I- yes, of course. I brought you food.”

  
  


Helping him sit up, Baekhyun placed the plate on the table above the bed, grabbing the glass of water from the tray before setting it down. “Yixing said you need to take the red pills now and the white ones in two hours.”

  
  


When Chanyeol tried lifting his hand- the very one that was connected to the IV drip, he winced.

  
  


“Let me. I’ll- I can help you. Since you- your hand is- I’ll do it.”

  
  


Chanyeol’s only answer was a smile, perhaps one a little too happy- like he had planned all of this. “Since you’re offering.”

  
  


The urge to ask was overwhelming. Baekhyun didn’t even step a foot into Jongin’s room to check on him- Sehun it was self-explanatory- but even Jongin… he didn’t really… care.

  
  


But Chanyeol, he felt a strong sense of duty towards him. If he was alive, it was all thanks to him. That was all.

  
  


It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that Chanyeol was handsome and just the right amount of older than him. It had absolutely nothing to do with the way he treated Baekhyun and made him feel.

  
  


He was Baekhyun’s employer, and Baekhyun was grateful. That was all.

  
  


“Ask away.” Chanyeol told him between two bites. “What are you wondering about? You can ask me.”

  
  


_ Why are you so good to me? _

  
  


_ Do you want something in return? _

  
  


“What happened?” The housekeeper blurted out, putting the fork down. “Is it okay to ask? You’ve been gone for a while and you came back injured…”

  
  


The boss nodded like he was expecting it. “We were ambushed on our way back. The deal took place abroad and we returned without an issue. It’s only when we were transporting the money back here that people attacked us.” He pointed to his wound and sighed. “We fought and were stabbed.”

  
  


“And the other men?”

  
  


They never left alone, Chanyeol, Sehun and Jongin. They had teams consisting of fifteen to twenty people going with them. 

  
  


“They’re fine. They’re the ones who brought us back.”

  
  


Baekhyun picked the fork again before being interrupted. 

  
  


“You don’t have to be this way around me.”

  
  


Looking up, he found Chanyeol already staring at him. 

  
  


“W-What do you mean?”

  
  


“Collected and distant. I don’t want you to be holding back around me.”

  
  


Baekhyun was at a loss for words- how was he supposed to react? “I’m not sure- I’m not sure I’m following.”

  
  


“You want to ask things, you have things to say, but you decide to swallow them down.” He paused, looking down at his hands. “I thought you were comfortable around me.”

  
  


The more Chanyeol talked, the less Baekhyun had things to say.  _ What was he supposed to answer? _

  
  


Ask what he wanted, of course. “What happened to them? To the ones who ambushed you?”

  
  


“They’re dead.”

  
  


Unfazed, he answered. Without a single regret.

  
  


Baekhyun nodded, not knowing what else he was expecting and picked up the fork again. But he had questions left.

  
  


“When you say you don’t touch innocents, do you mean it?”

  
  


“It’s the only rule I abide by.” Chanyeol answered almost instantly. “I would never touch innocents. If I’m provoked, I answer, but people who haven’t done a thing to me? I don’t even think of it.”

  
  


It still bothered Baekhyun knowing that Chanyeol sometimes had to kill people. No matter how many times he tried swallowing it down to think of him in a positive light, it still didn’t sit well with him.

  
  


He didn’t support it. But then again, why was his opinion even important?

  
  


“Can I ask you a question myself?”

  
  


The housekeeper nodded.

  
  


“Are you asking because you still think I may harm you?”

  
  


Baekhyun stilled his body.

  
  


“Don’t you trust me?”

  
  


The door opened right this instant, revealing Yixing. “So I just forgot to get back my-” He looked at them- at Baekhyun and Chanyeol and must have read the mood. “Never mind then, I’ll be-”

  
  


“It’s okay, Yixing. I was just about to leave.” Baekhyun stood up, not looking back at the man on the bed. “Please go in.”

  
  


Certain things were simply… not clear yet.

  
  


Not in Baekhyun’s mind at the very least.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t go to see him for the rest of the day and decided to skip the next day. He… didn’t know.

  
  


A part of his brain was telling him that Chanyeol had done for him what no one had before, and another part was telling him that he had hidden intentions- that no one would ever love Baekhyun for who he was because he was simply nothing.

  
  


The third part was cursing him for even thinking of trusting someone.

  
  


And the fourth part, the smallest of them all, very well hidden, was telling him that he had been thinking a lot about Chanyeol and even expected him coming back.

  
  


Still, he wanted to check up on him. Maybe he could wait until Chanyeol was asleep to get in…

  
  


That’s exactly what he did at eleven at night, hearing Yixing say the medication just knocked him out. Opening the door gently, Baekhyun stood by the door frame and watched him sleep all until he moved his arm and knocked into something- something that made a  _ lot  _ of noise.

  
  


Damn him and his inability to not create mess after mess.

  
  


Chanyeol quickly opened his eyes, very unfortunately spotting Baekhyun in the door frame, face easily recognizable from the light coming from outside the room.

  
  


“I’m sorry.” The housekeeper was quick to say. “I came in to see you and knocked into- I don’t even know what it was- I’m so sorry, I know you just took your medication and-”

  
  


_ “Come in.” _

  
  
  


“Are you sure?” Baekhyun panicked, looking back outside. “I can call Yixing if you want or- maybe he can give you another dose to let you sleep in or-”

  
  


_ “It’s okay Baekhyun. You can come in.” _

  
  


So he did, a little ashamed for not having seen him yesterday. “I’m sorry.” He was quick to say. “For leaving last time- I didn’t know and it surprised me but I really didn’t want to-”

  
  


The mafia boss laid a hand on Baekhyun’s. “I shouldn’t have cornered you like that… you don’t have to trust me now. It’s okay even if you’re still scared of me. You don’t have to do it now, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  
  


_ What do you mean? _ Baekhyun wanted to cry.  _ Why are you like this? _

  
  


“But for now, all I want you to know is that my goal is to keep you safe. I don’t want anything else from you- I just want you to stay safe, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said, slowly reaching to pass a hand in Baekhyun’s hair, slowly enough that Baekhyun could avoid it if he wanted to, but didn’t. Baekhyun let him play with his hair and even touch the back of his neck.

  
  


“Still.” He caressed Baekhyun’s head, passing his fingers through the locks. “I want you to know that I’m interested in you. I’m not expecting an answer now, I just want you to know it.” And with a squeeze to his shoulder, Chanyeol sent him back to his room.

  
  


He was interested in Baekhyun?

  
  


_ Chanyeol was interested in Baekhyun? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


If Baekhyun thought of the topic over and over, Chanyeol never spoke of it again. 

  
  


Well. Never spoke of it until three days later.

  
  


“Remember when I said I was interested in you?”

  
  


It took all Baekhyun had in him not to drop the glass of water. “I think so.”

  
  


And now Chanyeol wasn’t looking at him. “I hope you didn’t misunderstand it. What I meant was to be- to be friends, of course. I’m interested in being your… friend. The medication was kicking in and I didn’t have my entire head so…”

  
  


For a reason Baekhyun adamantly refused to admit, this new revelation was like a punch in the gut. He wasn’t disappointed.

  
  


No, he was not.

  
  


“Of course! That’s how I understood it.” He lied, placing the glass to get the pills. “And yes, I did some thinking.”

  
  


_ Shut up. What are you doing? _

  
  


“And indeed we should be friends- like Kyungsoo and you. We should definitely be friends.”

  
  


_ Definitely? Byun Baekhyun keep it shut! _

  
  


Definitely where? Why couldn’t he just stop making things worse?

  
  


Chanyeol’s breath was deep, and he heaved a sigh, very much so relieved. “I’m so glad. I didn’t want you misunderstanding and we haven’t really had lots of time to bond- I’m very close with all my employees, you know that right?”

  
  


Nodding, he kept a smile on. “And I prefer thinking of them as friends, all of them. I just didn’t feel like we connected enough, but I’m very glad to hear that you too, are interested in being my friend.”

  
  


_ Then why did you play with my hair? _

  
  


_ Why did you hold my hand? _

  
  


“Definitely.” Baekhyun repeated, very  _ definitely  _ not enjoying this. 

  
  


And to think two days ago he was worried about how to respond to Chanyeol’s love confession.

  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty-two years and eight months old, he learned what adapting meant.

  
  


It meant three things; accepting to close eyes on little harmful things for the greater good, being forced to open eyes on childhood scars, and making friends with unexpected people.

  
  
  
  
  



	5. What Being Confused Means

If being unsure of what his relationship with Chanyeol was confusing, being his friend was way worse.

  
  


There was something about the way he treated him now- not as guarded, nor as delicate.

  
  


When Chanyeol was allowed to start walking around the house days later, he wanted Baekhyun to walk with him- of course.

  
  


He liked  _ Baekhyun  _ sitting with him when they had meals. He’d sometimes go to the library with Baekhyun, teasing him about the love stories he chose to read.

  
  


Love stories were better than psychology books, Baekhyun found. Being teased wasn’t the end of the world.

  
  


Chanyeol was much more laid back than Baekhyun thought, and as they walked in the garden, he realised that maybe, just maybe, he had refused to get to know him properly.

  
  


The mafia boss said they were friends, but Baekhyun knew it wasn’t a friendship like the one he had with Kyungsoo- or the one Chanyeol himself had with Kyungsoo.

  
  


He still didn’t ask him about his life, but Chanyeol would slip in bits and little pieces of information here and there about himself.

  
  


_ “My dad designed this garden for my mom.” _

  
  


_ “I was studying Medicine before taking over the organisation.” _

  
  


_ “It’s my first time getting stabbed- shot, I’ve been a few times, but stabbed, it’s my very first.” _

  
  


So he listened, helped him walk by offering his shoulders as a support and brought him back inside. Baekhyun liked the weather a little too much, deciding to open the window and have some new air in Chanyeol’s resting room.

“It feels nice.” He answered when Chanyeol looked at the open window. “It’s a little sunny and a little windy. You’ll feel better with it open.”

  
  


It did feel nice, as much as it felt insane, hearing Chanyeol tell him about personal things. It felt like cheating when Baekhyun didn’t share things with him.

  
  


But the boss was not in a hurry, he had told him. 

  
  


So Baekhyun was still thinking about it.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“I have a gala coming up soon.” Chanyeol told him one afternoon after Yixing’s visit. “It’s in two weeks.”

  
  


Baekhyun hummed, tidying the room Chanyeol had been moved to now that his condition wasn’t as serious. The wound didn’t get infected, and Yixing had said that it was healing properly. 

  
  


He had folded the laundry an hour ago but got busy with feeding Chanyeol, so he was only now putting it away in the drawers- underwear, pyjamas and socks. The bowls on the table elevated over the bed were only half-eaten, meaning Baekhyun needed to remind him to finish them.

  
  


“Have you taken the pills?” He asked, not remembering if he had given them to the injured man. 

  
  


“I did.”

  
  


“What about the food?” The housekeeper turned around and walked until his knees made contact with the bed, checking on the bowls. “You have to finish eating these.”

  
  


All the mafia boss did was lay his head against the headboard and whine. “I’m full, I really can’t eat any more of this.”

  
  


“Yixing said-”

  
  


“Kyungsoo’s been feeding me like I’m pregnant. I promise you I’m not hungry anymore.”

  
  


And it was true from the amount of bowls on the table, and their size.

  
  


“If I eat any more, I’ll just burst, Baekhyun.”

  
  


Baekhyun took one  _ only  _ look at the water bottle on the nightstand to open his mouth again. “You haven’t been drinking water enough like Yixing said- you need lots of fluids, and if you don’t-”

  
  


In a swift moment, Chanyeol grabbed the bottle, unscrewed it, and swallowed all the water left in it. “Satisfied now?”

  
  


_ Had he gone overboard bossing the very boss? _

  
  


But Chanyeol didn’t look upset…

  
  


“I’m sorry.” Baekhyun quickly said, taking the water bottle away. “Are you mad at me?”

  
  


The frown Chanyeol answered with was unsettling. “Mad? Why would I be mad at you?”

  
  


This question, he hadn’t asked it in so long. As long as he could remember.

  
  


When had he asked it? After his father had gone to prison for the second time?

  
  
  


To console his mother, he had asked it. He hadn’t wanted her to be upset at him- he hadn’t done anything to put his father back in prison.

  
  


It hadn’t been him.

  
  


And yet, she had blamed him.

  
  


He had never asked his father. The situation had been different with him, and Baekhyun had known that staying away had been the best thing at the time.

  
  


Asking his father had been off limits.

  
  


_ “So you did something.” _

  
  


_ “Get out of my face with your stupid questions.” _

  
  


Or maybe, if the man had been busy and Baekhyun had interrupted him, a slap would have been the result.

  
  


“Of course not.” Chanyeol added, teasing tone out of the window the moment he noticed Baekhyun going unresponsive. “I’m not mad, no. But did something happen… why did you ask?”

  
  


Embarrassed by his emotions, Baekhyun shrugged. “Just making sure- if you’re upset with me, you can tell me. I’ll fix what’s making you upset.”

  
  


Chanyeol tried getting more information out of him, but Baekhyun respectfully passed it as one of his duties as a housekeeper and dropped the subject.

  
  


“I have a gala soon.” The boss repeated, following Baekhyun moving around the room with his eyes. “It’s an important one- CEOs invited from all over the world for a night.”

  
  


Baekhyun absentmindedly hummed, opening the window for new air to get in.

  
  


“And I want you to come with me.”

  
  


_ “Me?” _

  
  


“Yes, yes, you.”

  
  


Why Baekhyun of all people… “I- Sir, I don’t think I’m suitable. I don’t know anything about- about galas. Perhaps it’d be better to take someone else-”

  
  


“I want  _ you _ to come with me.”

  
  


_ Him? _

  
  


“I own a few businesses, so technically I’m a CEO. Going out in public to attend the event makes me look less… shady I suppose. It’s given out by the government, so going lessens suspicions about my person.”

  
  


“What if it’s a trap?” Baekhyun learned to speak Chanyeol’s language- thinking his end was near. “What if it’s the government even?”

  
  


With a hand over his wound, Chanyeol narrowed his eyes. “We’ll have guards accompanying us, don’t worry. I should be fine by then so… accompany me?”

  
  


How could he say no, when Chanyeol kept repeating he wanted to go with no one  _ but  _ Baekhyun?

  
  


Baekhyun could do him this favor as a friend, right?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


There was something uncomfortable in being outside after such a long time. Baekhyun didn’t remember when was the last time he set a foot outside- had it been to accept Luhan’s offer?

  
  


Had it already been almost two years?

  
  


The year he had spent under Mal-Chin, he had not been allowed outside. And the eight months working for Chanyeol, he had been.

  
  


After the first four months, deeming it safe enough, Chanyeol allowed him to go outside.

  
  


_ For what? _

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t. He had nowhere to go.

  
  


So after a year and eight months, Baekhyun felt like a stranger on the streets- felt like people were looking him up and down, judging him.

  
  


When they talked, Baekhyun thought it was about him. If their eyes met his, his first thoughts were that they were judging what he was wearing.

  
  


It was… a strange feeling. Especially for a man who didn’t use to care- for a man who dressed up and danced like a whore on a pole.

  
  


As extravagant as he used to be, it didn't matter. Baekhyun didn’t care if people judged him for his heels or his makeup or his revealing outfit.

  
  


So why now, accompanied by one of the most beautiful people of the night, was he so self-conscious?

  
  


Why now, when he was well-dressed, decent, and fit in?

  
  


And why, just why did everything feel better when Chanyeol slipped Baekhyun’s arm in his and led him inside?

  
  


Why did the people fade out when Chanyeol’s hand was on his lower back, guiding him inside?

  
  


With his hair slicked back and the silver rings adorning his fingers, Baekhyun took a good look at him- at the suit he insisted matched Baekhyun’s in color.

  
  


And he wondered, what this man could have been outside the Mafia.

  
  


A doctor?

  
  


A model?

  
  


Something big, that was for sure.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After dinner, Chanyeol took Baekhyun around to do some  _ socializing. _

  
  


“People all know each other around here.” He told him, a steady hand against his back to lead him towards the crowds of circles- of rich, successful people talking in little groups. “If they ask, just say you're my associate.”

  
  
  


Baekhyun was not planning on being left alone, nor leaving Chanyeol’s side. The guards were behind them, at a respectful distance. He’d be safe with them, but Baekhyun was not letting go of Chanyeol.

  
  


Not in a crowd of strangers like this one.

  
  


Turned out Chanyeol was  _ rather  _ popular among them, getting greeted and invited to talk over more than Baekhyun could count.

  
  


_ “You own companies?” _ Baekhyun had asked in the car, wondering why they invited him as a CEO.

  
  


_ “Yes and no. It’s for money laundering basically. I do own them, but it’s just a way to clean the money I make from drugs, weapons and corruption. Sometimes gambling, but not as much.” _

  
  


Baekhyun had not understood what  _ laundering _ meant, nor why Chanyeol needed to  _ also _ own businesses. The mafia boss had looked like he knew Baekhyun was lost.

  
  


_ “The money coming from illegal activities is what we call dirty money, alright?” _

  
  


The housekeeper had nodded.

  
  


_ “Meaning I can’t just all go and drop it in the bank- first of all, the amounts are too big to be placed in bank accounts without anyone questioning me. Secondly, it’s a way to ensure that money is ‘cleaned’ so it’s safe to use- what if I’m asked where that money came from? I can say it’s from my businesses.” _

  
  


And businesses, Chanyeol had a lot; casinos, restaurants, pizzerias, cafés.

  
  


So that’s what it was. An intelligent way to hide money’s origins.

  
  
  


Baekhyun stayed close to the mafia boss, moving as he moved, stopping as he stopped. At some point, Baekhyun started feeling uncomfortable with the amount of people around them, and in a frenzy, grabbed Chanyeol’s arm.

  
  


The mafia boss didn’t stop his conversation, but instead of holding onto it, he let go of Baekhyun’s arm, slipping his arm instead around Baekhyun’s waist to pull his body closer to him, palm resting on his waist as his thumb drew repetitive patterns against the material, giving Baekhyun something to focus on.

  
  


He smelled nice- it had to be his perfume, and it smelled so nice Baekhyun snuggled closer to him, something Chanyeol allowed him to. He didn’t pause his conversation with the couple congratulating him on his success nor did he look down at Baekhyun, only continued with his thumb on Baekhyun’s waist, and a steady arm against his back.

  
  


Looking around, Baekhyun took in the beauty of the room- the chandelier and the tables. The important people and their bodyguards. The fancy wine glasses and the shining bracelets on women’s wrists.

  
  


It all looked so pretty for a moment.

  
  


So, so pretty.

  
  


It looked so pretty until Baekhyun recognised a familiar face. Until his heartbeat shot up and he prayed he was wrong.

  
  


But alas, he was not.

  
  


There stood his father, looking every bit like he belonged there. His suit expensive, and his hair was cut neatly. His beard was gone, and he looked nothing like the man Baekhyun once knew.

  
  


It took Baekhyun a few seconds before realising that this man was indeed his father, and that he was merely meters away from him.

  
  


The glass of wine slipped from his hands as air started restricting in his lungs. Baekhyun didn’t know how he managed to slip out of Chanyeol’s hold and away from the guards, but he had.

  
  


His chest was closing in on him. It denied him air.

  
  


_ It would kill him. _

  
  


Baekhyun looked for the first exit, remembering where he came from with Chanyeol, and ran in its direction- he needed a closed space.

  
  


_ Not now. _

  
  


_ Not now, Baekhyun. _

  
  


Somewhere behind him, Chanyeol was calling his name. Someone was calling for him and he was running away.

  
  


_ Please don’t let him have seen me. _

  
  


_ Don’t let him see me. _

  
  


On the first toilet sign, Baekhyun barged in, closing it behind him.

  
  


He tried breathing, hands shaking on the sink as he held on it for dear life.

  
  


It didn’t work. It didn’t work and someone was knocking on the door.

  
  


_ “Baekhyun! Baekhyun- it’s me. It’s me, okay? Open up. I’m here.” _

  
  


He was choking on air, now on the floor feeling like he had lost his mind.

  
  


_ “Stay away from the door! I’m barging in- stay away, Baekhyun!” _

  
  


He heard the impact against the door, barely had time to cover his face with his arm that it was thrown open, and Chanyeol appeared in his sight.

  
  


_ “Stand in front of the door. Don’t let anyone come in.” _

  
  


Their guards were outside, and it was Chanyeol who closed the door behind him.

  
  


The air was still not getting to Baekhyun’s lungs, and he was dying.

  
  


He was going to die this time.

  
  


_ Why was he here? _

  
  


_ Did he come for me? _

  
  


The first thing Chanyeol did was crouch in front of him, reaching for the jacket he was wearing. “You feel like you’re short on air, right?” He explained, taking it off Baekhyun’s shoulders and throwing it away. “That’ll help around your neck- lessen the pressure.”

  
  


Perhaps had Baekhyun had his entire mind, he would have questioned Chanyeol opening his shirt’s buttons, almost ripping the shirt in half from the impact.

  
  


Perhaps. But not now. Not when it felt just a little less scary with his neck no longer trapped.

  
  


The air hit his shoulders where Chanyeol pushed the shirt down, and suddenly there were hands on his shoulders.

  
  


_ “In and out.” _

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t get it- he didn’t get it and his hands were still shaking against his thighs.

  
  


_ “You’re not dying. I won’t let you die.” _

  
  


It felt like it. Dying.

  
  


Like his body was out of air. His lungs were failing. His heart was too fast.

  
  


He was dying.

  
  


He had to be.

  
  


And when Chanyeol’s hands caught his, Baekhyun finally had something to hold on to. He gripped- harder and harder and harder and prayed this wasn’t his end.

  
  


The image of his father standing proudly there didn’t sit well with Baekhyun- it did not sit well with Baekhyun at all.

  
  


_ How could this horrible man be there? _

  
  


_ How could this horrible man and Chanyeol belong in the same place? _

  
  


He didn’t deserve success- he didn’t deserve being proud or having money. His father did not deserve any good in life.

  
  


It was only when he stopped struggling to breathe that he felt the attack passing, only when his hands stopped shaking and his tears stopped streaming down his cheeks.

  
  


“Why?”

  
  


Chanyeol was still holding on to him.

  
  


“Why me- what did I ever do to deserve that?”

  
  


“Baekhyun what-”

  
  


The first words had been out, and Baekhyun just couldn’t stop anymore. “Did I deserve a miserable life just because of him?”

  
  


_ “Did I?”  _ He yelled, wiping away furiously his tears. “He should have kept me safe- he should have kept me fucking safe, Chanyeol!”

  
  


Chanyeol kneeled next to him, let his hands free and listened.

  
  


“And her.” Baekhyun chuckled, not caring that it sounded broken and pathetic. “What good did she do? She didn’t abuse me like him? No but she stayed. She stayed, Chanyeol. And she failed to protect me- she failed to protect me when she should  _ have. _ Isn’t she as guilty?  _ Isn’t she?” _

  
  


Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol took off his jacket and draped it over Baekhyun’s naked shoulders. He pushed his hair away from his face where he had started sweating, and sat back.

  
  


“I deserved better- it’s the first time I say it, can you believe? I didn’t ask for this shit life, Chanyeol. I just-”

  
  


_ He just what? _

  
  


_ “Had they treated me better, none of this would have happened!” _

  
  


It was too late to stop now- threatening to spill out of Baekhyun’s mouth against his will.

  
  


“None.” Baekhyun laughed like he lost his mind. “None, Chanyeol. I would’ve gone to college and got myself a regular job. I wouldn’t have gotten into sex work because I had no choice- I had a choice! I had a choice people would think, a choice between life and death. So of course I danced- I danced and then I became a prostitute. Do you think I had a choice?”

  
  


Baekhyun wiped furiously at his eyes every time they became wet until Chanyeol grabbed his aggressive hands and dried his tears gently with the back of his sleeve.

  
  


“I didn’t- I didn’t ask for anything - was it that hard to care for me?”

  
  


The mafia boss had no answer to provide him with, but he stayed on the floor with him. He kneeled and held Baekhyun’s hands and wiped his tears.

  
  


It was too late to think of the consequences- of Chanyeol seeing him. Of the way he lashed out on a man who asked for none of it, for this man to be his employer.

  
  


_ “I’m so-” _

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t let him apologise. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear you say sorry to me ever again.” He helped him up, lifted him until Baekhyun’s butt made contact with the counter.

  
  


“I ran after you because I was worried.” The water started running, and Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol washed his hands before drying them, setting them again and bringing them to Baekhyun’s face- cold water under his eyes, above his eyes, and down his cheeks. “I came because I wanted to. I told you, don’t hold back with me. You can hold back with everyone else, but not me.  _ I don’t want you hiding from me. _ ”

  
  


The memory of the attack felt like another dream- like Baekhyun imagined it. And yet, his father was still outside. His father, who he hadn’t seen since he was fourteen. Eight years had passed, and yet Baekhyun wished they had continued passing.

  
  


“Let’s go home.”

  
  


Baekhyun protested against Chanyeol, holding onto the counter. “I can’t- I don’t want to go out.”

  
  


“Baekhyun-”

  
  


_ “Please.”  _ He begged, holding on the counter until his knuckles turned white. “I- I don’t want to see him. He’ll- he’ll see me and try something-”

  
  


This time, it was the mafia boss’ turn to hold tightly onto Baekhyun’s wrist. “You think I’ll let him see you? I’m not letting anyone out of this room see your face, Baekhyun.” He let go and extended his hand, waiting for the smaller to willingly give it. “Do you trust me?”

  
  


It wasn’t the first time he heard that question. Last time was completely unexpected and he hadn’t known- hadn’t known whether or not this man could be trusted.

  
  


But tonight… tonight perhaps he could.

  
  


“How…” Baekhyun trailed, looking warily at the door. “The party’s still ongoing- he has to be outside, Chanyeol. I- he has to be outside-”

  
  


Caging Baekhyun between the counter and his body, Chanyeol leaned in close. “I  _ swear _ on my life that I won’t let a single person get close to you.” He leaned even closer, revealing a pistol hidden inside his jacket. “It’s a bullet in anyone’s head who comes near you.”

  
  


Still…

  
  


“I don’t mind staying here with you until the party’s over, Baekhyun. But once people start leaving, it’ll be harder to go out unnoticed. Now is the best time, I promise you.”

  
  


With one of their guards sent to check on the party, the answer was that it was indeed still ongoing and that most people were still inside- that the parking lot was almost completely clear.

  
  


Chanyeol draped his jacket over Baekhyun’s naked shoulders, not minding his opened shirt underneath it, and told the bodyguards to come inside.

  
  


“They’re going to form a circle around us until we get to the car.” The boss explained, arranging the piece of clothing around Baekhyun’s smaller frame. “They’re all taller than you, alright? Meaning if they’re walking around us, in a circle, no one will get to see who’s inside the circle.”

  
  


Initially, Baekhyun didn’t want to. But with the assurance that leaving later meant that chances were higher of meeting unwanted people, he took Chanyeol’s hand who immediately glued him to his side, one steady arm behind his back pushing Baekhyun towards his chest.

  
  


Five guards went out first, forming a line outside the door until the pair stepped out, followed by the other five ones behind them, and as they took a few steps, all ten bodyguards surrounded them, all while Chanyeol kept his hands on Baekhyun, holding him tighter when people passed next to them and the smaller jumped due to the noise.

  
  


It was funny how he was thinking of his father just days ago. And there he was.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The car ride was going to be long, longer than it even took them to get there because the streets were filled. Now that the initial fear had passed, Baekhyun was starting to realise just how much happened.

  
  


But what stood out the most to him was Chanyeol. It was steady, warm Chanyeol offering him hands to grip and a chest to hide.

  
  


It was Chanyeol rushing after him, breaking the door to get to him.

  
  


He had trusted him that night. Baekhyun, faced with no choice, had trusted him. And he was right.

  
  


Still not daring to look in his direction, Baekhyun tightened the jacket around his shoulders. His sweat was starting to dry, and it was making him chilly.

  
  


One look from the mafia boss at his side, a hand sneaking up to feel his, rubbing on his cold fingers and Baekhyun heard  _ “Turn the heater up.”  _

  
  


The driver complied, and yet, Chanyeol didn’t let go of his hand.

  
  


Sleep wouldn’t be long to get there, and either he was imagining things, or Chanyeol let him fall asleep on his shoulder, rearranging his head comfortably until Baekhyun’s eyelids became too heavy.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When he opened his eyes, Baekhyun was in the mansion, in his bedroom, in his very own bed. Chanyeol was not there, but Baekhyun had been tucked in.

  
  


Embarrassment burned his face when the events from earlier in the night replayed in his head.

  
  


That night, he cried. He ruined Chanyeol’s event and caused a scene- he told someone about his parents.

  
  


It was the third anxiety attack Chanyeol witnessed him have. It had only been six months since he started working for Chanyeol and yet… and yet, Byun Baekhyun.

  
  


He couldn’t stop, could he? He couldn’t manage himself.  _ You’re being overdramatic. _

  
  


Looking on the nightstand, Baekhyun found a glass of water that was most definitely  _ not _ there when he left. At the same moment, the door opened.

  
  


_ “Hey.” _

  
  


Baekhyun found himself smiling. “Hi.”

  
  


“Are you feeling any better?” The mafia boss asked, closing the door behind him. “You looked like you needed some sleep.”

  
  


Nodding, Baekhyun looked down to the glass of water. “Yeah, I- thank you.” He replied instead, balancing the glass between both hands. “I’m sorry for your night. I know you wanted to go and I-”

  
  


“I wanted to go with you so we could spend time together.” Chanyeol interrupted, smiling the softest of smiles Baekhyun had ever seen on his face. “I’m here with you now, aren’t I?”

  
  


It was a different kind of heartbeat- a different kind of scarlet cheeks. The things Chanyeol did and the things Chanyeol said, they made his body react the same way his attacks did.

  
  


But with Chanyeol, it was welcomed. With Chanyeol, he knew it wasn’t dangerous- it was not controlled. With Chanyeol, it felt raw and wild and almost natural if he didn’t associate it to his attacks every now and then his heartbeat shot up and Baekhyun came close to panicking.

  
  


He refused to think of what it meant and what the man seated next to him meant to him.

  
  


Somewhere far in his brain, he had the answer. If only he kept it locked, perhaps it’d stay there- perhaps he didn’t have to open that box yet.

  
  


Just perhaps he’d let it sit there and forget what had happened between them. And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to keep it there because Chanyeol corresponded to criterias in people he swore to stay away from.

  
  


_ What do you find in me? _

  
  


“I want to take you out.”

  
  


The housekeeper looked up, blinking rapidly at the mention of  _ outside _ . 

  
  


“I have a mansion on the hills- I want to take you there. It’s peaceful and… yeah, it’s really nice.”

  
  


“What about work?” Baekhyun blurted out, like that was his first priority- it was in a way.

  
  


“Work can wait.”

  
  


_ What for? _

  
  


“It’s deserted.” Chanyeol added, looking towards Baekhyun’s closet. “It’ll be just you and me- oh and the security team. I think going out for a few days will do you- us good I mean. I also need a break from work.”

  
  


A hesitant pause and then. “What do you say?”

  
  


Baekhyun offered him a nod, placing the glass of water on the nightstand again. He was told to pack for a few days before Chanyeol left the room and said he’d be back for him in an hour.

  
  


A vacation would be nice.

  
  


Chanyeol was nice, too.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


It was getting dark outside already, the sun was setting and the curtains were opened in the slightest for Baekhyun to see the orange horizon.

  
  


This house was smaller than the one he had been living in, and it felt more like a home- it felt warmer and less mechanical. 

  
  


Baekhyun’s room was larger than the one in the mansion, and yet, it didn’t feel intimidating.

  
  


Ever since Chanyeol barged in the toilets and assisted Baekhyun, the latter hadn’t known what to feel.

  
  


Remembering himself was embarrassing- shameful. To someone like Chanyeol- someone who hadn’t asked a thing but kept being kind to someone like Baekhyun.

  
  


_ What do you want? _

  
  


Still exhausted from the anxiety attack, Baekhyun begged for a nice shower- warm, long, and peaceful. All Chanyeol had told him was to unpack and take his time, that he wanted to make dinner so they could have it outside.

  
  


As much as a bath was interesting, Baekhyun hopped in the shower. Chanyeol said to take his time, but he knew he’d be way too long had it been for a bath.

  
  


He thought of him under the water- of the man who had said he’d shoot anyone who came close to Baekhyun in the head. The man who had a pistol on him, the man who held him close all night.

  
  


What did he want?

  
  


_ Perhaps you. _

  
  


Did he want Baekhyun?

  
  


Had that been it? All this time, all these months?

  
  


_ But what do you want in return? _

  
  


Was there an answer to that?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


_ “I’m over here.” _

  
  


Walking in, Baekhyun spotted the empty table first before he saw the candles on the floor where the hills ended. So when Chanyeol said dinner, he meant…

  
  


“You- you own this too?” He looked around himself, taking in where he came down from the balcony to the garden to where Chanyeol was seated. So he owned hills-  _ hills. _

  
  


“It’s part of the house.” The older explained, patting the floor next to him where he had laid out a blanket, two wine glasses, a wine bottle and two full plates. “The table is nice, but this is much nicer.”

  
  


And he was right- as scary as sitting on the edge of the hills was, he felt himself blending in the scenery much more than on a pretty table away.

  
  


“You took a shower.” Chanyeol said without much thought, opening the wine bottle before he grabbed Baekhyun’s glass, filling half of it down. “You smell like my shampoo.”

  
  


“It’s a… nice shampoo.”

  
  


Chanyeol laughed, and Baekhyun didn’t know how to answer in any other way. He accepted the glass and crossed his legs. “I really love this house. My father had it built for my mother right before he married her. He’d always take her here whenever she was overwhelmed back at the mansion.”

  
  


“Did they take you with them?” This way, Chanyeol felt more like an average human being.

  
  


“Every time they came over, I remember. My mom said he took her often here before I was born- I bet this is where I was conceived.”

  
  


Baekhyun laughed along with him, taking a sip of his glass. “Your father sounds like he loved her very much.”

  
  


“He did.” Came the fast answer. “He worshipped the ground she walked on. My father was head over heels for her.”

  
  


That sounded… out of the world. 

  
  


“He was often gone, the same way I am now. She missed him a lot until I was born. I guess I became her new occupation.”

  
  


Playing with his glass, Baekhyun looked at the view. At the city lights and the buildings and the lively city under them.

  
  


It must have been nice, he thought. It must have been nice to have parents like this- was that why Chanyeol grew up to be this kind? 

  
  


When Baekhyun looked to the side, he found that Chanyeol had also not touched his plate. “They really took care of me. My father didn’t pressure me into taking on after him, so I studied medicine because it interested me.”

  
  


“They didn’t mind it at all?”

  
  


Chanyeol shook his head. “I don’t think my mother was very fond of me taking after him… the right-hand man would have once my father retired. But then… they died and I… I didn’t want my father’s work to go to waste.”

  
  


The way Chanyeol’s voice cracked was like a punch in the guts to Baekhyun. This man- this big, imposing and intimidating man had things that moved his heart this way. He was just an average man.

  
  


In a moment of insanity, Baekhyun reached to hold Chanyeol’s hand like he had held his when he was scared. 

  
  


Was he allowed?

  
  


_ What are you even doing, Baekhyun? _

  
  


Except Chanyeol didn’t react, let the younger keep his hand over his and continued drinking his wine.

  
  


Why was he comforting him-  _ why? _

  
  


Was this one of his duties as a housekeeper too?

  
  


“It may sound odd to say, but I wish they died together:”

  
  


This, Baekhyun remembered because Kyungsoo had told him.

  
  


“If I wanted to see them off, I would have wanted them to leave together.”

  
  
  


Clearing his throat, Baekhyun retracted his hand and busied both of them with his glass. “What happened- if it’s okay to ask?”

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t look okay at all, but he was the one to have started this conversation, and Baekhyun felt bad letting him talk on his own, not asking him things too.

  
  


It had been a little over six months since he met this man, and he knew, tonight he knew, that Chanyeol would not harm him. Perhaps he still had little doubt left about his intentions, but this man who had protected him from his father- who had been keeping him safe and trying his best to make Baekhyun comfortable, would not harm him.

  
  


The realisation was not welcomed, but it had come. It had come and Baekhyun thought maybe it was there a long time ago, but that he never wanted to acknowledge it.

  
  


“My father was running away from the police- they shot him. My mother… she was kidnapped by one of my father’s enemies and only later was she declared dead.”

  
  


“I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun whispered, rubbing a palm over Chanyeol’s arm. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”

  
  


Chanyeol chuckled and patted Baekhyun’s hand. “It’s been ten years I… I’m not as affected anymore.”

  
  


Except he was. He was and Baekhyun heard it in his voice.

  
  


“My intention for bringing you here though… I wanted to hear you talk.” He heaved a breath and took a sip of his glass. “I want to know what things worry you and what things scare you. I know you don’t like sharing but… maybe you could with me.”

  
  


Of course he’d ask about that. One day or another he’d ask Baekhyun about the things that rendered him vulnerable- about the things that made him shake and cry. Maybe he just didn’t expect it to be this night.

  
  


And certainly not after what Chanyeol just told him.

  
  


_ How could he, when Chanyeol just cried about how much he loved his parents? _

  
  


_ How could Baekhyun complain, when they were both alive? _

  
  


His mother, he didn’t know and that was even worse. He’d sound ungrateful. Baekhyun knew about his father because he had seen him, but his mother… he had no idea.

  
  


Maybe he could just tone it down? 

  
  


Chanyeol had shared intimate things with him and he deserved, after all he had done for Baekhyun, to know at least what made him cry.

  
  


“What do you want to know?” Part of him was protesting the words. Another part of Baekhyun wanted him to immediately stop and get back inside. “Tell me what you want to know and I’ll let you know.”

  
  


_ “What happened at the gala?” _

  
  


Baekhyun looked down at his hands, remembering how the man looked like he was born to this life, not like the old, greasy, cigarette-smelling man who had nothing but old torn plaids in his closet. “I… I saw my-”  _ Say it. He’s gone, you can say it.  _ “-father.”

  
  


Chanyeol kept silent for a moment. “Your father?” Another pause. “Was he not… good to you?”

  
  


All he could do was shake his head, trying to swallow down whatever was stuck in his throat making him want to burst into tears. “He- no. No… he was not.”

  
  


It was a shame looking at the full plates and the food they had not eaten yet, but Baekhyun couldn’t, not for the life of him, eat with this heavy thing weighing on his heart threatening to send him into another attack.

  
  


“Can I ask in what way?” Chanyeol answered.

  
  


There was another aspect to it, Baekhyun had realised a long time ago. If it wasn’t apparent enough in his character, he had to tell people- to tell them that he never outgrew the things that happened when he was a child. That the scared kid he once had been had grown into an adult body.

  
  


That his father had anger issues and took it out on him violently. That his mother had neglected him from a very young age and had failed to protect him- and herself- from the man  _ she  _ had allowed back in the house she had been paying for.

  
  


It was the first time he sat back and thought just how much it had plagued his life and his relationships and even his character. He hadn’t developed like a normal person.

  
  


He hadn’t even  _ developed _ .

  
  


Who had he been all these years? A young boy plagued by trauma? Where had been his character?

  
  


_ Who even was Baekhyun? _

  
  


In a swift movement, Baekhyun took a good look at Chanyeol by his side- at his slicked back hair and the silver rings on his fingers. He smiled, recognizing it as Chanyeol’s style.

  
  


_ Who was this man to be telling him these things? _

  
  


Saying the words out loud-  _ thinking _ of them had Baekhyun’s lungs trapped. They’d deny him air like they always did- his heart started beating harder and harder as if he had been running non stop. 

  
  


Was it another attack?

  
  


“He… he wasn’t good with me, Chanyeol. He hit me-” Baekhyun choked, jumping on the contact Chanyeol made with him, rubbing his shoulder. “I wasn't allowed to make a single noise- he hated it, it was the easiest way to make him angry- he hated it. He didn’t look after me- screamed for the littlest of things. He hit my mother too and she-”  _ Had she not been a victim too?  _ “-she let him.”

  
  


This time, it was Chanyeol’s turn to look his way. It gave him courage to continue.

  
  


“He was an ex-convict, and my mom an alcoholic. Not the perfect mix, right?” He tried humouring, but Chanyeol didn’t laugh. At least he’d have tried. “I met him for the first time when I was eight- he had just gone out of prison. My mom was… she was just not there. Consumed by alcohol and what they could have been and how happy they used to be. She let him do as he pleased and in result I… I was the one he expressed his anger on.”

  
  


In response, Chanyeol reached to hold his hand like Baekhyun had done for him moments earlier. He didn’t just hold it this time, he interlaced their fingers and tightened around Baekhyun. 

  
  


It was getting harder to breathe and in a frenzy, Baekhyun thought this was it- it was coming back for him, except Chanyeol’s hold on his hand became gentler, rubbing his fingers in comfort until he remembered Chanyeol had gotten him out of the event. He had gotten him out unseen and he had assisted him through the last attack.

  
  


He was there. Chanyeol was there, and he was definitely not Baekhyun’s father. He was there and he most probably heard Baekhyun’s erratic breath.

  
  


“She never left him.” He quieted down, thinking of all the times he had tried convincing her to leave. “I tried- Chanyeol I tried so hard to make her leave him but-” It raised tears in his eyes, the frustration.  _ Why? Why didn’t she leave?  _ “She didn’t let me see him when he was in prison until he was released- up to my eight years old- why?  _ Why?  _ Why did she need him to live then? Weren’t we enough-”  _ Wasn’t I enough, mom?  _ “Why did she let him hit her- why did she cover it up and swallow his blows? Why-  _ why did she stay?” _

  
  


The mafia boss had no answer for him, but he didn’t let go of his hands.

  
  


“And then?” Chanyeol asked, rubbing his thumb on Baekhyun’s knuckles. “Do you wanna tell me what happened after?”

  
  


“The rest?” Looking at their linked hands on the blanket did something to Baekhyun’s weak heartstrings. “I left with just a high school diploma, couldn’t do much and ended up being an erotic dancer. Then the government caught the bar and I had to relocate… becoming a prostitute at the time was the easiest way, but rethinking about it now, I feel like I could’ve done better. Like maybe I should’ve chosen to work seven days at the grocery store instead of getting myself involved with Mal-Chin.”

  
  


Suddenly, the hand that was over his moved to the back of his neck, rubbing where his hair ended and Baekhyun allowed it. He didn’t resist it and it didn’t feel wrong. He could not believe his thoughts, but they were what they were.

  
  


“I was going to say  _ I’m sorry this happened to you _ but I think I’d prefer saying I’m proud of you for making it this far.” The hand went slowly higher until Chanyeol’s fingers caught on his locks and started pressing gently on his scalp in circle motions. “But you didn’t deserve that, Baekhyun.”

  
  


Baekhyun wanted to look at him. He wanted to turn his head and look at Chanyeol’s face saying what he just said. So he did- he did and didn’t tell him to move his hand.

  
  


_ “You didn’t deserve that. They failed to protect you when they should have.” _

  
  


Was it the wine or the words? Was it, or that Chanyeol was looking every bit like men Baekhyun was attracted to?

  
  


Had it been the silver necklace against his black shirt or his slicked back hair? Or perhaps it was the hand against his head… Baekhyun didn’t know.

  
  
  
  


He didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because he leaned in just to look at him. Baekhyun leaned in with a stupid intention in mind and it looked like Chanyeol had the exact same in head when he started closing the distance between their lips. 

  
  


Baekhyun could have avoided it had he wanted to, but he let him. Heart beating like crazy, he knew it wasn’t an anxiety attack.

  
  


His lungs were functioning and his trembling hands were caught by Chanyeol’s.

  
  


It started with a peck- an experiment. The mafia boss kept pecking him until Baekhyun opened his mouth and allowed him to slip his tongue inside. Somewhere between them stood glasses and plates, but the older didn’t seem to care one bit.

  
  


His hands moved from Baekhyun’s scalp to hold his face instead- one cradling his cheek and the other, on his neck.

  
  


Chanyeol kissed him- kissed and kissed and kissed until Baekhyun understood exactly what they were doing. He kissed and held him and Baekhyun allowed it.

  
  


For once, he allowed it. The mafia boss tasted like expensive wine, and Baekhyun’s head was spinning. Could it be that he was drunk?

  
  


The moment Chanyeol let go of his mouth to kiss his cheek, Baekhyun knew he had lost it.

  
  


What was he doing?

  
  


_ What are you doing, Byun Baekhyun? _

  
  


“I’m sorry-”  _ What have you done? _ “I’m sorry for-”

  
  


And in a quick movement, Baekhyun stood up and walked back inside.

  
  


_ What had he done? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The moment he left, Baekhyun knew very well Chanyeol would follow. He knew there was no way he’d just ignore what happened without an explanation.

  
  


It was him-  _ Baekhyun  _ who leaned in first. Who thought of getting a kiss first. And it couldn’t have been the alcohol because Baekhyun knew what he was doing. The liquor had gotten to his cheeks, but not his brain.

  
  


He knew- he absolutely knew what he was doing so why?

  
  


If he jumped in the shower then surely Chanyeol wouldn’t be able to follow and he’d have time to think so Baekhyun went into the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom and locked the door behind him.

  
  


He didn’t think before getting rid of his clothes and jumping under the water.

  
  


_ “What the fuck, Baekhyun.” _

  
  


He’d have to stay there for a long moment, he came to realise.

  
  


There was no way his thoughts would be sorted anytime soon.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


He had spent an hour under the water, and yet, none of it was sorted. Why he wanted to kiss Chanyeol, why he did it- why he left and hid knowing very well he had to confront what happened.

  
  


The heat was getting to his head, so Baekhyun went out in his bathrobe, not even thinking of what would happen if Chanyeol came in.

  
  


_ What would happen? _

  
  


“Nothing. Nothing of course.” He muttered, looking for clothes in his luggage. “We were just a little drunk, talking about things and the view was so pretty- I bet he thinks it means nothing.”

  
  


And just the moment he finished getting dressed, Baekhyun heard knocks on the door.

  
  


_ “Can I come in?” _

  
  


“Uh- sure. Sure, come in.”

  
  


He probably had something to say- something totally unrelated to what happened outside. Of course.

  
  


The moment Baekhyun saw him, he knew the man had also taken a shower; his rings were gone and his hair lacked gel. The sweatpants and long-sleeves shirt he was wearing made everything worse.

  
  


_ He looked good. _

  
  


_ He looked extremely good. _

  
  


He had a lot to say and it showed on his face- his tense jaw, pressed lips, and his eyes. Chanyeol had something to say and there was no way Baekhyun could escape hearing it.

  
  


“Can I stay over tonight?”

  
  


Baekhyun’s eyes widened, his breath got caught in his throat and he didn’t know what to do with his hands. “W-What?”

  
  


Instead of answering, Chanyeol changed the topic. “I didn’t know whether to follow you or not but Baekhyun, damn it I wanna have you.”

  
  


_ Have him? Someone like Chanyeol wanted to have someone like Baekhyun? _

  
  


“H-Have me?”

  
  


Still at the door, the mafia boss had not moved from his spot. He hadn’t, and yet, Baekhyun felt like he was going to faint.

  
  


“I wanna make love to you- I wanna touch you and feel you and love you."

  
  


A pause, and.  _ “Let me have you.” _

  
  


This was it for Baekhyun.

  
  


Chanyeol came in and reached for him first, cradling his cheek while he kissed the other one.  _ “I didn’t kiss you for nothing. I’m interested, Baekhyun.” _

  
  


The shivers crept up all the way up to his face, to where lips were glued to his skin. He had never felt them- shivers- in response to anything else but fear. But now…

  
  


And yet, Chanyeol continued pecking him, a hand carefully holding his cheek while the other settled on his waist.

  
  


He fought the part of his brain that said not to give in- that it was dangerous. Emotions and feelings, they weren’t for him. Being close to people wasn’t something for someone like him.

  
  


Except Chanyeol was here and he wanted him. Chanyeol had hands on his body and Baekhyun couldn’t deny him. No he couldn’t.

  
  


It had all been a joke talking to himself in the shower- it was all fine if he was to be alone. But when Chanyeol was around him… he didn’t question it as much.

  
  


“What do you say?” The mafia boss asked, insisting lips on Baekhyun’s cheek. Instead of kissing, he continued breathing against him, hands still where he had placed them. “I’ll make it feel good.  _ I’ll show you what it means to lie in bed with a man. _ ”

  
  


So Baekhyun kissed him back without much thought- Baekhyun pulled him down by his shirt to kiss him again. He didn’t know what he was doing- he did  _ not _ except he knew one thing.

  
  


It felt good.

  
  


_ It felt good. _

  
  


The hands around his waist and the tongue in his mouth, they felt so good.

  
  


Chanyeol, heavily breathing as he trailed kisses down Baekhyun’s neck felt good. Chanyeol, telling him he’ll make it feel  _ so good _ had something in him stirring.

  
  


People never cared about how he felt- good or bad.

  
  


So for someone to hold him like this, to kiss him and say he’ll take care of him… of course he shivered.

  
  
  
  


Of course he shivered and felt his heart speeding- of course he let the man carry him to the bed and spread his legs for him.

  
  


When had he had sex? His first time with a married client and then Mal-Chin. Regret could describe the first time and disgust the second.

  
  


But this time, the weight of Chanyeol’s body against his didn’t feel suffocating. This time Baekhyun wanted him there- pressing against him. He wanted him there, caging him between the bed and his body.

  
  


_ “Are you okay?” _

  
  


He was, and he let him know.

  
  


_ “Are you sure?” _

  
  


He still was, and he let him know.

  
  


_ “Are you still scared of me?” _

  
  


No this time he was not. 

  
  


_ “Can I?” _

  
  


Baekhyun let him- pretended not to notice his brain screaming at him to stop because it was dangerous.  _ It isn’t. Look at him. He isn’t. He isn’t dangerous. _

  
  


He let his legs be wrapped around his waist, a mouth against his neck, and body pressing against his.

  
  


Undressing Chanyeol was… nerve-wracking. 

  
  


_ “I want you to do it.” _

  
  


Chanyeol wanted him to do it- wanted Baekhyun’s hands on his skin, trailing, touching, feeling.

  
  


The mafia boss was naked where Baekhyun still had hoodie on.  _ “Can I keep it?”  _ It just felt better, keeping a piece of clothing.

  
  


_ “You’ll get hot.”  _ Chanyeol laughed against his neck.  _ “All sweaty and hot.” _

  
  


“ _ Until then… can I keep it?” _

  
  


_ “If you want it on, keep it on. I’ll take it off if it bothers you.” _

  
  


Baekhyun spread his legs when he saw the bottle of lube and let the mafia boss play with his bottom, finger by finger. Let him tickle his thighs because Baekhyun kept shaking.

  
  


_ “It’s supposed to be fun.” _ Chanyeol had said.  _ “Try to relax. I’ll make it really nice for you.” _

  
  


So Baekhyun threw an arm over his eyes and looked away, trying not to react to where Chanyeol was touching inside his body.

  
  


_ It felt good. It felt good and Baekhyun didn’t feel like he deserved it. _

  
  


As if able to read his mind, Chanyeol leaned forward to catch his mouth while his fingers stayed inside Baekhyun. “Never been fingered before?” He teased, going faster.

  
  


“O-Once.” Baekhyun closed his eyes when Chanyeol started kissing his neck. “The man was married so I… felt horrible after.”

  
  


“I’m as single as I can be.” Was the mafia boss’ answer. “So, you know… no need to worry.”

  
  


Three fingers were not deemed enough, and Chanyeol decided Baekhyun needed four. No one had ever taken this long to finger him- the only other person had stuck two fingers at once in him with some cheap lube the bar used to sell.

  
  


_ “You need to be opened up. It’s all tight and nervous down there.” _

  
  


Chanyeol, however, made an art out of it- pushed in and out until Baekhyun felt his body accepting the intrusion, curled his fingers, scissored them inside, caressed the skin between Baekhyun’s balls and his hole with his thumb.

  
  


Even when he was done fingering him, Chanyeol hovered above him to kiss him some more, to lick inside his mouth and ask how it was.

  
  


_ “Okay so far?” _

  
  


Baekhyun was- he was and it felt so overwhelming he had the urge to cry. To hide his face and cry because someone was touching him so preciously- because someone wanted him to feel good.

  
  


“Can I- can I change positions? On my stomach I mean- I think it’d be more comfortable.”

  
  


It was not an issue with Chanyeol who complied immediately, turning Baekhyun on his stomach so his back faced Chanyeol’s front.

  
  


“Shy much?”

  
  


Whining, Baekhyun hid his head under the pillow. “Don’t tease.”

  
  
  
  


It was a little like magic, Chanyeol complying to everything he said and Baekhyun was more than glad because he wouldn’t handle seeing his face when they were doing something so intimate. 

  
  


“I’m clean.” Chanyeol said from behind him, rubbing his now bare erection against Baekhyun’s stretched hole. “I got tested a few weeks ago, let me show you the results Yixing sent me by email.”

  
  


“It’s okay.” The younger laughed, pushing back against him. “I believe you- you can push it in me.” So he said that as if he wasn’t nervous- as if his heart wasn’t threatening to jump out of his chest. He was hard against the sheets, hands gripping them tightly expecting what was to happen.

  
  


_ “If it hurts, tell me.” _

  
  


It would hurt, Baekhyun concluded when just the head was pushed inside. It was rather large, so if it was to be long as well… it would hurt quite.

  
  


Baekhyun still didn’t want him stopping, so he let him- reached with his hands behind him and opened himself up to make it a little easier. He took and took and took until Chanyeol bottomed out and Baekhyun felt like he was going to split in half. _ So he was long too. _

  
  


But Chanyeol’s skin to skin contact with him when he leaned over his body made things just a little better- Chanyeol kissing behind his ear and telling him he’s going to make him come untouched, promising to hold him, it all made things a little easier.

  
  


It made Baekhyun’s heart jump no matter how he tried calming down. It made everything worse when Chanyeol started hitting inside him and he couldn’t help but whine at each thrust- moan and call for his name when he was away. When he wasn’t over Baekhyun holding his hands, when he wasn’t whispering things in his ear.

  
  


When he wasn’t kissing his neck and telling him he was doing such a good job taking him.

  
  
  


He had not felt like himself when he pulled Chanyeol in for a kiss when they were still clothed, but now that he was inside him, fucking him slowly because  _ “I want you to feel it” _ , only now was he realising how much he had allowed.

  
  


There he was, in a man’s bed, naked and full of him, and he didn’t feel like running away. He wasn’t scared, nor was he left with no choice.

  
  


This man right there wanted to make love to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun had allowed him.

  
  


Chanyeol filled him and picked up the pace once Baekhyun’s insides stopped clinging to him- once Baekhyun loosened up and he could reach deeper inside him.

  
  


_ “Still okay?” _

  
  


_ “Yes.” _

  
  


_ “You feel good.” _ Chanyeol told him.  _ “You feel really nice around me, you know?” _

  
  


Baekhyun’s cheeks flushed at the comment.  _ “I- no one’s ever given me such a comment.” _

  
  


_ “I’m telling you.” _ The mafia boss leaned over his body, whispering in his ear.  _ “You’re all warm and tight and pretty down there.” _

  
  


Not knowing what to say, Baekhyun tightened around him on purpose until he heard a breathy laugh, and a hand gripping one of his ass cheeks.  _ “Now you wanna tease me?” _

  
  


Perhaps he did, letting go only when Chanyeol started making more calculated thrusts, hitting his prostate over and over again until Baekhyun wanted to cry- he hadn’t come yet, but it looked like Chanyeol wanted to give him a prostate massage.

  
  


When Chanyeol leaned over him and started whispering things like  _ “You’re pretty” _ and  _ “You’re taking it so, so well” _ and  _ “I hope it feels good inside you” _ , Baekhyun knew he was gone- came against the mattress and cried when Chanyeol picked the pace and emptied himself inside Baekhyun.

  
  


It took the mafia boss a moment to collect himself, but when he did, kisses were being trailed down Baekhyun’s sweaty spine. He had pulled out, but for the moment he cuddled Baekhyun close and talked in his ear, he pushed it back inside him.

  
  


Baekhyun was so glad he chose this position because he could hide the shivers creeping on the front of his body, as well as his tears.

  
  


_ What have you done, Byun Baekhyun? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


There was noise around him- someone walking around, but he couldn’t open his eyes, sleepiness covering his body.

  
  


The cum that was trailing down his thighs just moments earlier had been wiped, as nothing wet could be felt anymore. Baekhyun wasn’t cold, and he wasn’t sure what he could say was the cause.

  
  


Except when he heard steps getting closer and a familiar voice telling him  _ “Get some sleep” _ , he thought, perhaps he should give in to the comfort.

  
  


Give in to the body cuddling him close and the breath against his neck.

  
  


Was it okay to be hugged? To share body warmth?

  
  


Sharing a bed with a man not for sex was allowed, right?

  
  


_ Right? _

  
  


Baekhyun sure hoped so, because he liked it.

  
  


He liked it so much.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun fought to fall back asleep as hard as he could- turned away from the light, hid under the blankets, even going as far as hiding his head in the warm chest offered to him.

  
  


It wasn’t that he wanted to go back to sleep, per se, but he didn’t feel ready enough to face the man who had helped him fall asleep last night. Baekhyun didn’t know what it meant and what the mafia boss was going to say.

  
  


_ “Awake already?” _

  
  


Yeah, he just had no idea so Baekhyun whined, pretending to turn away from him to offer him his back when he noticed he was still naked and that Chanyeol, too, whom he just turned away from, offering him his ass to feel, was as bare as him under the sheets.

  
  


“I know you’re up already.” Chanyeol chuckled, yawning mid-sentence. “You’re so cute, you know that? Yesterday you were holding yourself open so I could penetrate you and now you can’t even look me in the eye.” He tightened his grip around Baekhyun, bringing his mouth to the smaller’s ear. “It’s me- it’s still me and there’s no need to be shy.”

  
  


Oh yes, there was. There definitely was.

  
  


“You were so pretty last night. So, so pretty that it makes me sad we only did it once- I’d eat you up if you were in the mood for it right now.”

  
  


Now if he continued talking that way, Baekhyun definitely would be, no matter how stretched he still felt. As if knowing what he thought, Chanyeol reached between his ass cheeks with a wet finger and circled his rim, humming until Baekhyun whined. “It’s quite puffy. Want me to make it better?”

  
  


How Baekhyun ended up on his back with his legs spread and Chanyeol’s tongue licking his abused rim, he didn’t know. He didn’t know and he didn’t know where to hide his face when the mafia boss told him to spread himself wider like he had done the night before so he could lick inside him.

  
  


No one had ever put a tongue on him down there, and from the way Chanyeol licked and kissed, Baekhyun wondered why he had never tried it. He expected Chanyeol to make him suck his cock at some point- suggest a sixty-nine even, but that didn’t happen.

  
  


He stayed hard between his legs and ate Baekhyun out until Baekhyun had to physically push him away from his already sensitive rim. So instead, Chanyeol sat down and pushed Baekhyun on his lap, grabbed both of their dicks and started jerking them off together.

  
  


Baekhyun hid in his neck and let him finish them off. He heard Chanyeol laugh at some point and call him yet again  _ shy _ , but he could handle that. He could handle being shy about feeling good.

  
  


What he couldn’t handle was being seen too much. His body was okay because he felt good. 

  
  


His face… he wasn’t so sure.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“What should I do the next time you have an anxiety attack?”

  
  


The shower had been quick, and while he finished, Chanyeol changed their sheets. Baekhyun was the one to air the room and throw their clothes in the laundry basket while Chanyeol took his.

  
  


They hadn’t talked yet, and Baekhyun felt like this was it. “I’m… not so sure.”

  
  


“Isn’t there anything I could do to help?” Chanyeol asked again, snuggling up to Baekhyun’s neck. “How do you usually deal with them?”

  
  


How? Baekhyun simply didn’t. “I don’t do much- they just come and go.”  _ No one’s ever done anything to help. _

  
  


While he traced patterns on Baekhyun’s clothed shoulder, Chanyeol linked their feet together. “Is it better if I stay or leave you, then?”

  
  


“Stay.” He was quick to answer. “Stay but don’t crowd me- I feel like I’m choking on air, like everything’s tightening around my lungs. It’s as if I was having a heart attack- I’m not sure you’ve ever had that feeling but… just don’t crowd me.” And he remembered when Chanyeol opened up his suit and discarded his tie. “What you did at the gala helped.”

  
  


“The cold water?”

  
  


Baekhyun hummed, playing with the fingers against his stomach. “That and pulling open my clothes.”

  
  


“I’ll make sure to keep that in mind, then.”

  
  


Keep that in mind? Was he planning on being with Baekhyun like this?

  
  


xx

  
  


Out of the three days that had passed, all Baekhyun had been doing with Chanyeol was having sex with him- in the bed, in the bathtub, in the living room on the couch as they watched movies, against the kitchen counter, on top of the washing machine.

  
  


It always started with Chanyeol kissing his neck until he shivered enough to cry- he’d kiss and kiss and kiss him until Baekhyun gave in and turned around, allowing the mafia boss to have him.

  
  


And it was always the same way- Chanyeol’s cock dripping with lube and Baekhyun’s stretched, puffy cunt. During the first day, Chanyeol had refused fucking him again because Baekhyun was sore and uncomfortable after he had been penetrated.

  
  


But the days that followed, Baekhyun had told him that it was okay- that it didn’t matter if it hurt a little.

  
  


_ “It does matter to me.” _ Had been Chanyeol’s answer.  _ “I don’t want to hurt you.” _

  
  


So all Baekhyun had been able to do was to tell him the truth.  _ “It… feels good. I want to feel it again.” _

  
  


All it had taken were these magic words out of Baekhyun’s mouth for Chanyeol to spread his legs and push inside him again.

  
  


At some point, Chanyeol had told him he wanted to have him completely naked- didn’t want Baekhyun half-covered, so the younger complied. He had complied only for Chanyeol to start sucking on his nipples as soon as his butt had landed on the kitchen counter.

  
  


He had sucked and licked and told him they were so pretty and that he had wanted to see them- had demanded Baekhyun stopped covering them so  _ he  _ could cover  _ them  _ with his mouth.

  
  


Somewhere in the back of his brain, Baekhyun wondered what this all was.

  
  


What  _ they  _ were.

  
  


Because if Chanyeol continued acting this way, Baekhyun might as well get mistaken.

  
  


He might just mistake them for something they were not.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


What Baekhyun enjoyed the most was the routine they unconsciously fell into; breakfast in the morning prepared by Chanyeol, either a shower or a bath together which more often than not lead to sex, the afternoon spent either watching television together or seated on the hills where Chanyeol still took the lead and tried making Baekhyun open up, a rather difficult task, but he was determined.

  
  


When Baekhyun asked him things, Chanyeol was easy to answer and provide him with what he wanted to hear.

  
  


When the evening came, Baekhyun helped Chanyeol prepare dinner, often joking about how he could replace Kyungsoo in the kitchen because this man, mafia boss or not, had amazing cooking skills.

  
  


Thinking of Kyungsoo and the mansion and Chanyeol’s place, it all made Baekhyun sad. It made him remember that whatever escape vacation this was, the end of it would come.

  
  


They’d have to head back, and Baekhyun would have to think. He’d have to think and reflect on things he didn’t want to rather than just escaping them like he usually did.

  
  


Chanyeol, on the other hand, didn’t seem stressed at all by such things. Not only had it been the longest period of time uninterrupted that Baekhyun had the opportunity to see him, but he had not seen him this relaxed in too long.

  
  


Perhaps he really needed this break too.

  
  


The nights, Baekhyun enjoyed spending them on the hills with Chanyeol.

  
  


Too often, they’d bring out a wine bottle and finish it a little too fast for any of them to be sober and on the blanket, they’d undress each other and make love.

  
  


The weather often turned chilly at night, but Baekhyun didn’t seem like he minded.

  
  


Not when Chanyeol’s body kept his warm.

  
  


Not when the moon and stars watched as they touched each other.

  
  


Baekhyun really didn’t mind it.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


There was something Baekhyun noticed after days of having lived in this house with Chanyeol- something about Chanyeol’s behavior and character.

  
  


He always initiated sex, and Baekhyun liked it that way, wasn’t confident enough to do it by himself. Chanyeol was hot and attractive and he knew how to pleasure, so it made sense he made the moves. No matter where they had sex, Chanyeol took him gently- slowly, made him feel his entire cock in and out until Baekhyun cried for release.

  
  


But when Baekhyun one day approached him, not knowing what took him, Chanyeol looked way too happy for a man who had been having regular sex for days non stop- he looked like he had been deprived for so long.

  
  


He went harder- kissed harder and fingered harder and fucked harder like he had just been waiting for it- for Baekhyun to make the first move.

  
  


They did it on the bed before he carried Baekhyun to the bathtub and played with his balls until the younger had the courage to bring a hand under the water, wrapped it around Chanyeol’s cock to jerk him off all while Chanyeol whispered praises to his ear- told him he was doing well, that it felt good, that he liked it.

  
  


A week had passed, Baekhyun had received oral more than once, and yet, Chanyeol never asked him to suck him off.

  
  


Chanyeol ate his cunt and licked his balls because he had somehow discovered Baekhyun was especially sensitive down there, sometimes even took Baekhyun’s dick in his mouth, but not once had he made allusions to wanting Baekhyun to suck him.

  
  


For a man who had been a prostitute, Baekhyun knew how to do a lot of things. This time though, with this man, he simply didn’t feel like initiating them. Chanyeol took the lead and did things to him that had his toes curling in pleasure, but he didn’t seem to be expecting the same in return.

  
  


Was Baekhyun reading too much into it… or had something been wrong?

  
  


So he asked him while they prepared lunch- perhaps not the best time to be talking about genitals, but he couldn’t find another moment where the both of them were busy and not looking at each other. “Can I ask you a question?”

  
  


Chanyeol hummed, chopping peppers mindlessly while he instructed Baekhyun to get one of every kind of vegetable they had left in the fridge, mentioning that he’d let the guards stationed outside the house know they needed to go buy groceries for them.

  
  


“It might be weird and- so feel totally free to ignore it.” He grabbed a tomato, a cucumber and the little container of corn they had left. “I think it’s dumb but I was thinking about it.”

  
  


All Chanyeol did was hum yet again, catching the vegetable while Baekhyun didn’t dare look up. “Honestly I think it’s silly so you should not take it totally seri-”

  
  


_ “Baekhyun.” _ The mafia boss interrupted, looking at his face. “Ask away. Remember how I told you that if you had questions you could come to me?”

  
  


Baekhyun nodded, biting the inside of his cheek while he pretended to be busy with cleaning the counter.

  
  


“What is it?” Chanyeol repeated, laid a hand against Baekhyun’s nape and rubbed his exposed skin. “I bet it’s not silly since you’ve been thinking about it.”

  
  


How does one ask why his… employer slash kind of friend with benefits wasn’t asking him to suck his cock when it was obvious more than once that he had been hard between his legs while he took care of Baekhyun’s needs?

  
  


_ Why was Baekhyun even thinking about it? _

  
  


“It’s… about sex.”

  
  


“What about it- is something bothering you?”

  
  


“What? No, no! I was wondering about something though.”

  
  


Chanyeol’s response was to move his hand from Baekhyun’s nape to Baekhyun’s head, rubbing his scalp like he often did lately. So taking a deep breath, Baekhyun looked at the counter. “You never told me to… I don’t really know if it’s something you don’t like? I don’t think it’s a thing anyone wouldn’t like but maybe there’s an explanation to it so-”

  
  


Once again, Chanyeol came to stand behind him, placed both hands on Baekhyun’s waist and leaned close to his ear. “I’m listening, Baekhyun. Tell me. Don’t stress it over- tell me.”

  
  


“I never sucked you.” He blurted, sighing at the way it came out. “I mean- I just happened to notice that while you… you did it to me, you didn’t really… ask me to. Or let me? I think. Not that I mind of course, I just- do you want me to? Because I totally could and I’d do it for you and I think you’d like it too? So-”

  
  


All Chanyeol did was tighten his hold around Baekhyun, laying his head in the younger’s neck. “It’s not that I don’t want you to. I just didn’t… want to put you in that position.”

  
  


“Position?”

  
  


The deep breath the mafia boss took near his ear didn’t sound good- it didn’t sound good at all. “You told me you went into erotic dance because you needed money desperately, then you went into prostitution because you had no other choice. And both of these choices I know weren’t done… completely out of your heart and I know that you… I just don’t want you feeling like this with me. I don’t want you kneeling and sucking me if it makes you feel this way. I want you to get naked and spread your legs for me because  _ you _ want to- because it feels good when you do it. Because you… trust me. That’s why, and it’s definitely not because I don’t want you to, believe me I’d love to see you on your knees with your mouth full but I… I don’t want it ruining what we’re doing. You like when I kiss you and hold you and lick you and penetrate you- I only want to do things you like.”

  
  


How did one react to such an answer- how was Baekhyun supposed to react when he felt tears welling up in his eyes?

  
  


Chanyeol’s hold didn’t loosen. “Now you may be confused trying to please me, but I don’t want that. I like having you the way you’re comfortable, Baekhyun.”

  
  


What if he wanted to try?

  
  


What if Baekhyun understood that what he was doing with Chanyeol was nowhere near what he had done with Mal-Chin- what then?

  
  


He had never thought of it this way. “What if I still want to try?”

  
  


“Then…” Chanyeol trailed, drawing circles with his thumbs on Baekhyun's waist. “Then wait until you’ve gotten used to me. I’ll let you then if you still want to.”

  
  


“Used to you?”

  
  


“When you’ve been in my bed long enough to know what exactly you like.” The mafia boss answered with a kiss to his nape. “If then you still want to, I’ll let you have it the way you want it but for now… for now let’s go slowly.”

  
  


Where the courage came from, Baekhyun didn’t know. He didn’t know but he had questions and the steady arms around him gave him just the right amount of warmth he needed to dare ask them. “But you’ve been doing a lot for me- I want to do things for you too.”

  
  


Chanyeol chuckled behind him, losing a hand from his waist to ruffle his hair. “You’re doing things for me already.”

  
  


“Am I?”

  
  


“Hmm. I like having you in my bed and in my arms- you feel good to hold.  _ I _ feel good when I’m inside you.”

  
  


So perhaps that was enough for Baekhyun for now. If by later Chanyeol meant that they’d continue having sex, he didn’t know, but he said that once Baekhyun  _ got used to being in his bed _ , they’d see. And what else would he do in his bed besides sex?

  
  


Was that okay?

  
  


Was it really okay to continue having sex with him and stealing his body warmth at night with cuddles?

  
  


Was Baekhyun allowed to do this?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had not counted the amount of days they had spent in this house, but he knew they had been long when one of the bodyguards from around the perimeter of the house asked to speak to Chanyeol for the first time since they arrived.

  
  


It had been too good to be true, their little escapade. They’d have to go back and Chanyeol would start being gone for long periods of time while Baekhyun stayed on his own in the mansion. Thinking about these days seemed so far away- so far from their new reality.

  
  


All he could do was try not to overthink it and focus on the positive, something Baekhyun had never been good at. And as crazy as it sounded, Chanyeol had a calming effect on him. The younger had been calm all these days as long as the mafia boss had been around him- as if he didn’t need to worry or think these things through because Chanyeol was there and he was steady and warm, but as soon as he was gone, even if these moments would only last minutes, Baekhyun started overthinking.

  
  


When would they go back?

  
  


What had they been doing?

  
  


This time, how long would Chanyeol be gone when work called for him?

  
  


And why-  _ why? _

  
  


_ What do you find in me? _

  
  


And as predicted, Chanyeol came back inside after half an hour. Baekhyun, already a little more than scared about losing what they had, had been lying on their bed half-naked. His bottom was naked while he hid his upper body with a hoodie.

  
  


His legs were spread on the bed and his face buried in the pillow.

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t say a thing, undressed in a hurry and poured lube all over his cock before teasing Baekhyun with the head against his stretched cunt.

  
  


It was stretched in permanence- not one day went by without Chanyeol sticking his cock in him- his fingers, his tongue. So it made it easy for daily penetration.

  
  


And just like that, as soon as Chanyeol pushed inside and leaned over him to kiss his exposed neck, Baekhyun forgot about his worries.

  
  


He forgot about absolutely everything as Chanyeol rearranged his guts and hit deep inside him- he forgot everything except for Chanyeol and the bulge he felt on his stomach each time Chanyeol bottomed out inside him.

  
  


As long as they were like this and he could hide his tears and overwhelmed face, he thought he’d be fine.

  
  


Baekhyun liked it. He liked it despite his brain protesting both the man and the after consequences.

  
  


He liked it.

  
  


Wasn’t it enough?

  
  


_ Isn’t it enough, Byun Baekhyun?  _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  
  


The inevitable discussion happened as they both were catching their breath after the orgasm. When Chanyeol caught him back in his arms and told him he needed to talk to him before Baekhyun could jump in the shower, he knew something was up.

  
  


_ “I have to go back. Work is calling.” _

  
  


Baekhyun almost wanted to laugh because he had predicted it- he knew it would happen sooner or later, and he hadn’t even felt the time passing so to hear they had been there for two whole weeks felt so strange. Two weeks since he had seen his father and escaped away.

  
  


So he tried not to sulk over losing their little artificial paradise- it had been a distraction and at the end of the day, Chanyeol had other things to get done. Baekhyun was still his housekeeper and just because he had been having sex with him didn’t mean he was anything more than… a whore?

  
  


Was that it? Had Chanyeol hidden his intentions so well that Baekhyun couldn’t catch them before he claimed his prize?

  
  


“Can we play a game?” Baekhyun asked, trying not to make his voice waver. “Just for fun before we pack up?”

  
  


“Sure.” Chanyeol answered, pulling up the blankets over their naked bodies. “What’s the game?”

  
  


“We each ask each other questions, and we’re not allowed to lie. We  _ must _ say the truth at  _ all  _ costs.”

  
  


“Sounds fun. You go ahead then.”

  
  


Why Baekhyun wanted to start so brutally, he didn’t know, but this was something he had to ask, no matter how scary the question was. “It’s okay no matter what the answer is- I’m just very curious but feel free not answering if you don’t want to.” Was that really a good idea? “Did you… in the beginning, when you saved me from Mal-Chin, did you… need a housekeeper?” He couldn’t say it. “Or did you just make that up because you felt bad?”

  
  


The mafia boss’ chuckle was enough to answer the younger. “In all honesty? I had more than enough people in the housekeeping team, but I didn’t want to leave you there alone, so I thought of a job that didn’t require a lot of qualifications.”

  
  


_ Say it. _

  
  


_ Say it, Baekhyun. _

  
  


“My turn, then. What did you do with the gun I left you?”

  
  


This time, it was Baekhyun’s turn to chuckle. “I’m sorry- I felt nervous carrying it on me so I hid it in my room. I haven’t even had time to thank you for it so… thank you. I’ll keep it well.”

  
  


Ask him.

  
  


_ Ask him, damn it. _

  
  


“What about… when you first met me. Why- why didn’t you offer me a job as- as you know, what I was already doing?”

  
  


For a moment, Chanyeol was silent and Baekhyun wondered if he had just ruined the mood.

  
  


“Because that would have been taking advantage of your situation.”

  
  


Baekhyun swallowed, looking down to his naked torso.

  
  


“Because it didn’t look to me like you were a carefree sex worker who had gotten in the career out of absolute pure will. I’ve seen prostitutes- I’ve even had some coming to the mansion long ago, but I only met up with independent ones. The ones who weren’t controlled by pimps nor the ones who lived with them.” He cleared his throat, snuggling closer to Baekhyun. “I now realise I might not have known what their entire life story was and could have contributed to making them struggle.”

  
  


Still. “Mal-Chin wasn’t abusing me, you know? He… did try to kill me thinking I was the traitor, but besides that, he didn’t abuse me. I offered him sex and he offered me a roof, food and clothes. It was… a service for another.”

  
  


“I know.” Chanyeol reassured. “I know but what I’m saying is that you didn’t go into sex work by pure amusement and because you  _ wanted _ to. You went because you didn’t have any other choice- don’t get me wrong, I support independent and healthy sex work. People are free to do as they please- who am I to judge, a  _ mafia boss _ ? I just… I think of innocents whose lives become tangled once they get into that lifestyle without a way out.”

  
  


So he thought of him as an innocent. “So had I been an independent sex worker, you’d have taken me as your whore?”

  
  


“That’s your second question in a row.” Chanyeol teased, pinching one of Baekhyun’s nipples. “You’re trying to cheat now, huh?”

  
  


“Fine.” Baekhyun sighed. He’d ask him the next round. “Your turn.”

  
  


_ “Are you still scared of me?” _

  
  


The breath he had to take after this one was labored. Baekhyun, who lied in his bed naked and willing, who had told him about his family and his fears- to the man who had been keeping him safe for now seven months, who had shielded him from his father and assisted through his attacks. No matter how insistent his ingrained response was, there was something that made him cross it when it came to Chanyeol.

  
  


So, was he scared?

  
  


“No. Not anymore.”

  
  


“I’m happy to hear that.” And all of a sudden, Baekhyun received a kiss on the cheek before the man behind him stood up and started reaching for his clothes. “We should get dressed now, we have to leave soon.”

  
  


There were so many things left to ask- why was Chanyeol interested in him, why did he have a weak penchant for innocents, would he have taken him as his whore?

  
  


_ What did this arrangement mean? _

  
  


So many things and yet, Chanyeol was getting dressed and had thrown open his luggage, ready to fill it again.

  
  


Would he ever get to ask him?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Returning to the mansion was not something Baekhyun thought he’d do anytime soon and yet, there he was.

  
  


No one asked where he had been nor what he had been doing with Chanyeol, not even nosy Kyungsoo. Whether Chanyeol told them or they had guessed he needed space, Baekhyun was glad because he felt like shit.

  
  


Getting back to his daily tasks was a welcomed thing since he started getting busy again and focused on something else but the two weeks he had spent with Chanyeol.

  
  


Kyungsoo still teased him, Jongdae forced them to go to the gym with him and the chef still made them sit through Avatar at least once a week and while it had been fun in the past, now, he couldn’t stop thinking of Chanyeol.

  
  


_ Where was he? _

  
  


_ Was he doing fine this time? _

  
  


_ Would he be back with a new injury? _

  
  


If Baekhyun compared himself to a light bulb, he’d say that the past two weeks he had been lit on. But the moment he stepped in this mansion again, his light had died.

  
  


It felt unfair to have a taste of something so sweet only for it to be taken away.

  
  


Would he get another moment like that one with Chanyeol?

  
  


How long would he be gone this time?

  
  


Baekhyun should have asked him these questions when they were playing the game.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When a week had passed already, Baekhyun started slowly getting back into the atmosphere that he had once been in. 

  
  


He looked after Chanyeol’s room, helped Kyungsoo however he could for a while before going to see Jongdae to offer him help.

  
  


Minseok barely said a word to him every time he saw him, Sehun stayed away from him- which wasn’t a new thing per se, but Baekhyun enjoyed not having him around nor hearing what he had to say about the housekeeper- and Jongin was nowhere to be seen.

  
  


Baekhyun had never been one to masturbate, but every time he thought of the things Chanyeol said and did to him… he couldn’t help it in the shower. He always gave in when he showered, remembering how Chanyeol had felt against his skin.

  
  


So when he got out to find a bag and a glued note to it, Baekhyun didn’t bother even getting dressed. He ran and grabbed it quickly, not caring about the bag’s content but instead reading the note.

  
  


That meant Chanyeol had stopped by the mansion- could he still be there?

  
  


Would Baekhyun catch him if he got dressed and ran outside?

  
  


Except when he started reading, his mood turned sour.

  
  


_ I wasn’t sure how long I’d be gone so I didn’t want to give you any estimated date back in the house. If you’re receiving this, it’s because I’ll be gone longer than expected. I thought I could be back in a week this time, but if you’re seeing this, it means I’m not here to hand you what’s in the bag personally. Although I’d have loved using them on you and watching you enjoy them, I can’t be here, so I’ll make sure you receive them. Use them and have fun, alright? Don’t miss me too much. I can’t be here to touch you and make you feel good, so I hope you forgive me with these. _

_ P.S. The dildos I bought are about my real size. If it hurts when you try to push them in, relax and think you’re trying to take me. Would have bought smaller ones until I remembered you need to be constantly stretched with the right size so it won’t hurt too much when I’m back.  _

_ Take care of yourself, Baekhyun. I’ll miss you even more this time. _

_ -Chanyeol _

  
  


Whether to be sad or happy at the fact that the mafia boss thought of him, Baekhyun didn’t know what to think.

  
  


He didn’t know, but he knew one thing for sure; Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol.

  
  


All through his life, he had never wanted things. Baekhyun grew up getting only the bare minimum, and even when he was on his own, his priority had always been necessities.

  
  


Needs- rent, food, his crappy phone with a basic contract and his monthly bus pass.

  
  


When he started making more money, Baekhyun had to spend it on things to make himself presentable for work; maintaining himself. Even when he worked for Mal-Chin, Baekhyun was spoiled with material things and goods, but his individual liberties had all been controlled.

  
  


So for him to think about something he wanted… it was a new process.

  
  


Chanyeol was someone Baekhyun wanted-  _ wanted _ . 

  
  


He could live without Chanyeol just like he had been, except now the issue was that he wanted him.

  
  


It came from the heart, not from his brain telling him to survive.

  
  


The first thing he had ever wanted in his life was to leave his parents’ house, then to make enough money to survive. Looking at them even now, these were needs.

  
  


Except Chanyeol… Chanyeol was a  _ want _ .

  
  


Baekhyun wanted Chanyeol, no matter how much his brain was angry at him for allowing such emotions towards a man.

  
  


Baekhyun wanted him and not even his brain could stop him now.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Every single week, Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo if he heard of Chanyeol- if the man had made any contact with the mansion since he had left.

  
  


It was a little ridiculous because by now, Baekhyun knew very well that Chanyeol never contacted them when he was away, but Baekhyun still asked.

  
  


Just in case- just in case he did.

  
  


Every single week he asked, and every single week Kyungsoo met him with the same answer.

  
  


So he tried being patient- used the toys Chanyeol had bought for him alongside the bottles of lube and thought of him- of how good it had felt and how much he enjoyed their secret time away. What he liked the most was bringing the dildos with him to the shower- especially the ones who got glued to the wall, and fucked his ass with them, almost always coming untouched.

  
  


Sex had been great, but Baekhyun had never once really given masturbation all that much credit. And sometimes, he’d bring one in the bathtub, stretching himself before getting in the water so he could sink on it and cry at how big it was.

  
  


_ That’s how big Chanyeol is. That’s how he felt inside you. _

  
  


He’d always remember and sink on it, opening himself up even when it burned and hurt because Chanyeol had thought of him and bought these for him- it was the only thing he had left of the mafia boss.

  
  


Sometimes, Baekhyun would go back to the library and grab psychology books like he used to. He’d read more and more and more until he had read almost all of them in the section.

  
  


The ones about love were his favorite- about relationships and dynamics and partners.

  
  


The books that explained the impact childhood trauma could have on adult life and relationships were scary, but Baekhyun wanted to understand.

  
  


He wanted to understand what had happened to him and how it impacted his life years later- how it impacted who he was and the choices he made and the people he was with.

  
  


_ Can I get better? _

  
  


_ I want to get better. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Two months had passed since the last time Baekhyun had seen Chanyeol. And just the moment he started to get desperate, the mafia boss, as if he had heard his prayers, returned home.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t want to crowd him as much as he was happy to have him back, so he let him go back to his room, change, shower, and do everything else he needed to do on his own.

  
  


_ If he wants to see you, he’ll come to you. Be patient. _

  
  


So Baekhyun was patient- he waited and waited and waited until hours had passed and yet nothing. Chanyeol was probably busy- he shouldn’t be disappointed. He really shouldn’t, no.

  
  


But checking up on him couldn’t be bad… right?

  
  


It was with the excuse of a meal that Baekhyun went knocking at his bedroom door, softly asking if he could come in.

  
  


Surely, Chanyeol was excited to see him after so long, right?

  
  


Met with no answer, Baekhyun decided against the rules and opened the door only to find the mafia boss deep asleep on his bed.

  
  


_ So he was tired _ , Baekhyun smiled, getting inside on his tippy toes, carefully placed the plate on his nightstand before turning back on his heels. 

  
  


Baekhyun screamed when a hand caught his wrist and dragged him to bed, hugging him tightly no matter what the housekeeper tried saying- that the door was wide opened and people could see them, that he should leave to let Chanyeol sleep.

  
  


All of which the mafia boss didn’t consider, keeping Baekhyun in his hold until the smaller gave up on struggling and accepted being in his bed, falling asleep as the day exhaustion caught up with him.

  
  


Chanyeol was back. He was back and he had been thinking of Baekhyun.

  
  


It’s with these thoughts that Baekhyun fell asleep, sleeping the best he had in two months.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“He’s gone already?”

  
  


Kyungsoo rushed to the kitchen, urging Baekhyun to follow him. “Listen, I don’t know what’s up with you two, but you were in his bed and he was all over-”

  
  


“When did he leave?” Baekhyun asked, starting to panic at the fact that he was gone so fast. “He came here just hours ago- how could he be gone already?”

  
  


“He’s not gone  _ gone _ .” The chef reassured, putting on his apron before he tied it behind his back. “He’s just out for a few hours, Baekhyun. He told me to even tell you that- don’t worry, your lover boy will be back soon.”

  
  


To that, Baekhyun had nothing to say. “What are you doing?” He asked instead, looking at the tablet Kyungsoo had open on the kitchen counter with multiple cake pictures.

  
  


“Trying to decide on a cake- which one looks best in your opinion?”

  
  


“The yellow one.” Baekhyun answered, not liking the blue nor the red one. “But why? What’s the occasion?”

  
  


“It’s Chanyeol’s birthday soon.”

  
  


He hadn’t told him- how could he not have told him that it was his birthday when Baekhyun had no way of knowing?

  
  


“Y-You’re making him a cake?”

  
  


The chef nodded. 

  
  


Then Baekhyun had to do something too- he  _ wanted  _ to do something for Chanyeol for once. “Can I help- can I do something too?”

  
  


Frowning, Kyungsoo looked at the pictures. “You can’t really cook, besides the only thing I need to do is go out to buy the ingredients so-”

  
  


“I’ll go with you! I’ll go with you and I’ll help you out!” Maybe he could go out and buy something for Chanyeol. It wasn’t like Chanyeol needed anything, but Baekhyun wanted to get him something- he just wanted to  _ do  _ something for him.

  
  


“I don’t think Chanyeol would want me taking you out without him knowing…”

  
  


“Please!” Baekhyun whined, grabbing his arm. “How can I do something nice for him when he knows? He always does a lot for me… I want to do something for once.” He remembered people going out were always guarded. “Besides, what could happen to me? You always go out with guards, right? I’ll just tag along. Please?” Perhaps pouting would work. “Please?  _ Please, please, please?” _

  
  


“Baekhyun-”

  
  


“ _ Please _ . I want to do something nice for him- help me out this time.”

  
  


With one last sigh, Kyungsoo gave in. “But you stay close to me and the bodyguards- glued to my side, understood? Chanyeol will  _ kill  _ me if something happens to you.”

  
  


Kyungsoo seemed to know much more than he let on, but Baekhyun didn’t care right now. He had a gift to buy and a cake to prepare.

  
  


And most importantly, a special someone’s birthday to celebrate.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Never in his life had Baekhyun made a cake out of nothing, but today would be the first time.

  
  


Sure, he’d mostly be helping and assisting the person actually  _ making _ the cake, but it didn’t matter- he could say he helped make the cake and offer Chanyeol the gift he just bought.

  
  


Among the gifts Chanyeol left for him each time he left was jewelry, so he used that- sold a gold bracelet and got enough money for what he wanted to buy for Chanyeol.

  
  
  
  


Come to think of it, Baekhyun didn’t know the man all that well. He did know certain things about him- important things like what had happened to his family and the kind of man he was, his values and work ethics.

  
  


But also silly things like how he would not eat tomatoes were they not chopped extra thin and the way he fucked. It was also silly for him to think of buying anything for Chanyeol because the man literally  _ owned  _ everything and nothing Baekhyun bought for him would compare.

  
  


That didn’t stop him from looking for a hand watch- the mafia boss had tons of them, but Baekhyun wanted to offer him one that would match his silver rings and silver chain- the two pieces of jewelry he only ever wore.

  
  


_ “Chanyeol has tons of watches.” _ Kyungsoo told him as they stepped in the store. “He has a lot, but he never really wears them- says it’s not comfortable having something around his wrist.”

  
  


“He always has rings on his fingers.” Baekhyun argued, bowing to the store’s owner. “I’d feel much more uncomfortable with things clinging to four of my fingers than to my wrist.”

  
  


“Honestly, say that to Chanyeol.” The chef sighed, still accompanying Baekhyun in his search. “Maybe if it’s coming from you, he’ll wear it. I don’t even know how he’s always on time…”

  
  


In all truth, Baekhyun wished he had money to buy Chanyeol a gift by himself- he knew that selling something the man had gifted him for money was not the best way because it had been a gift and it was still, technically, Chanyeol’s money.

  
  


It didn’t matter, Baekhyun concluded when he laid eyes on one particular watch. It didn’t matter because what he wanted was to hand it to him by himself, all wrapped up and pretty. Baekhyun wanted to do something for him for  _ once  _ and the more he looked at the watch, the more he could see it on Chanyeol’s wrist matching his rings and chain.

  
  


Even had Chanyeol been paying him instead of providing shelter, food and clothes as well as everything else that came with the offer, it’d still have been Chanyeol’s money.

  
  


_ Whatever. I just want to buy something for him. _

  
  


“What do you think?” Baekhyun asked, pointing to the watch he had in mind. “It’s the prettiest silver shade I’ve seen.”

  
  


Kyungsoo hummed in approval.

  
  


Going out with the specially wrapped bag-  _ It’s a birthday gift- _ , the beautiful box and the watch protected inside it, Baekhyun felt better than he had in a long time.

  
  


Too busy looking at his gift, Baekhyun only realised they had company when he heard Kyungsoo's soft gasp.

  
  


Just as they walked back to the parking lot, Baekhyun spotted men standing next to their car. Kyungsoo pulled Baekhyun to stand behind him while the guards covered for them in the front.

  
  


When the strangers started walking towards them, Baekhyun knew something was wrong. When pistols were grabbed and pointed in their direction, Baekhyun started regretting having ever gone out.

  
  


Kyungsoo’s grip on Baekhyun’s hand tightened, and he kept the housekeeper behind him. They were outnumbered- the strangers were way too much to be fought, Baekhyun knew even when their own guards pulled their pistols out.

  
  


He couldn’t have an anxiety attack here- he just couldn’t or it might get him killed for real this time. And yet, Baekhyun felt his lungs trapping him. He tried breathing- tried remembering how it had felt to have Chanyeol next to him, but the next thing he knew, someone had grabbed him from behind.

  
  


With a cloth to his nose, Baekhyun started feeling dizzy. The last thing he remembered was Kyungsoo dragged away from him, and a scream.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The room felt cold. 

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t feel his lower body. His wrists were numb and his vision was still black.

  
  


_ What happened? _

  
  


He shook his head, jerked it left and right in search for sensation. Nothing.

  
  


The noises were distant, and Baekhyun couldn’t make up what they were. Voices.

  
  


_ Were they voices? _

  
  


Why was his body so weak- where was he?

  
  


Baekhyun tried again, shook his head and squeezed his eyes- nothing. But his fingers, they were moving again.

  
  


Wood. Baekhyun felt wood first before he felt rough material.

  
  


_ Kyungsoo. _

  
  


They were out- they got ambushed.

  
  


_ What happened to Kyungsoo? _

  
  


Baekhyun was tied. He was tied to a chair and his eyes were bound.

  
  


The sensation in his mouth was slowly coming back, and the first thing he tasted was blood.

  
  


They had caught him- Baekhyun got kidnapped.

  
  


When his lungs started imitating what they had done when he was on the streets, Baekhyun started panicking. There was something tied around his mouth- he was going to die.

  
  


He was going to die here without anyone knowing.

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t die- he couldn’t die without seeing Chanyeol another time. Baekhyun couldn’t die without wishing him a happy birthday and giving him the watch he bought for him.

  
  


What Baekhyun couldn’t do was die because he still didn’t know what his relationship with Chanyeol was- he still didn’t know and God did he wish he had asked.

  
  


What were emotions and feelings when his life was on the line?

  
  


He should have asked. Baekhyun should have asked and should have gotten answers because now it might have been too late.

  
  


_ You can’t die. You can’t have an attack right now. _

  
  


All that did was make him panic even more.

  
  


_ Breathe. Even if it happens, keep breathing. It never killed you, and it won’t today. It’ll pass. _

  
  


Chanyeol always held his hands and took anything that was weighing down on his throat away. Now though, there was no one for that. Baekhyun had to do it- he had to do it on his own if he wanted to stay alive and see Chanyeol again.

  
  
  


With that thought, his lungs becoming more and more violent, Baekhyun dug his fingernails in his palms until he could feel blood dripping down his skin.

  
  


That way he’d focus- it burned and hurt and stung, but it forced his body to focus on the physical wound rather than the attack. It hurt so much but Baekhyun kept rubbing it against the chair until he could focus again. His breath was erratic and his heart not in its best condition, but the anxiety attack had been avoided.

  
  


Chanyeol would know- they had come for him, so Chanyeol must have heard. Would he come?

  
  


Would he come and save him?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know how much time had passed from the moment he woke up to the moment someone ripped the blindfold from his eyes.

  
  


_ “Has it been long enough?” _

  
  


Baekhyun could only blink, trying to adjust to the lights when his eyes had been trapped in the darkness for so long.

  
  


_ “It’s been a while. That jerk should be back home and notified already. Let’s move.” _

  
  


Two men looking to be in their forties stood in front of Baekhyun, both dressed neatly in suits he recognised as expensive. Behind them were standing more men.

  
  


_ Who were these people? _

  
  


“The Phoenix’s whore, what a pleasure.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked to the ground.

  
  


“Life works in mysterious ways, don’t you think?” The other one asked, laughing as if there was anything remotely funny. “First, we were trying to find the one who betrayed our old boss-”

  
  


_ Mal-Chin. They were Mal-Chin’s people. _

  
  


“-but then we let it go because you disappeared all until we heard you had only moved from one to the other. A whore for Mal-Chin and now a whore for the Phoenix.”

  
  


_ Why were they after Chanyeol? _

  
  


“What should we do now…” One of them trailed, dragging a chair to sit in front of Baekhyun. “Not only have we caught our late boss’ traitor, but we’re about to catch the one who killed him. Funny how life brought you together, isn’t it?”

  
  


He shouldn’t have gone out- _ he shouldn’t have gone out. _

  
  


“It’s time for pictures.” The one who was seated chuckled, stood and went behind Baekhyun only to yank his hair. “Pictures or a video… what do you think, Baekhyun?”

  
  


When tears ran down his cheeks, the man yanked harder. “No, no, no! None of that. We want pretty pictures now, don’t we?”

  
  


“I sent it, boss.” The man with the phone in his hands said to the one behind Baekhyun. “Shouldn’t we try a video, too?”

  
  


Releasing Baekhyun’s head, the man walked with his hands behind his back. “No need for that. Haven’t you heard how crazy Chanyeol has been over his new little whore? He’ll call in the next five minutes. Just sit and watch.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Whether he had been Chanyeol’s whore or not, part of him prayed Chanyeol wouldn’t come. 

  
  


_ “Come alone or the whore dies. Activate your shared location and don’t try to tell anyone else. It’s a bullet in your princess’ head if you try anything.” _

  
  


Chanyeol had seen him on the phone- he had seen him and he had promised he’d come. That he’d be quick and that he wouldn’t let anything happen to Baekhyun.

  
  


_ Don’t come. If they kill me, I don’t want you to die too. _

  
  


_ Don’t come. _

  
  


_ I wouldn’t mind dying if it means you get to live. _

  
  


_ Don’t come, Chanyeol. _

  
  


_ Please don’t come. _

  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun had been taken from the center of the room to the farthest point in the room from the main entrance where he was hidden behind wooden blocks. His hands and feet were still bound, and something had been tied around his mouth to prevent him from screaming.

  
  


Two men were seated next to him, each of them holding pistols. 

  
  


How the anxiety attack hadn’t arrived yet, Baekhyun didn’t know. He didn’t know and he continued praying it wouldn’t.

  
  


How was Chanyeol going to beat them all? With the amount of men out there- how would he even get out of it alive?

  
  


When the gunshots started, Baekhyun lowered his head towards where his tied hands were and prayed.

  
  


He prayed to a God he had never acknowledged, but today he prayed. And as the sounds grew more insistent, Baekhyun continued praying.

  
  


_ Please keep Chanyeol safe. _

  
  


_ Please don’t let me have an anxiety attack. _

  
  


Every time his heart jumped at the sounds, Baekhyun dug his nails in his injured palms and pressed deeper.  _ Focus. Do this for Chanyeol. Focus, Baekhyun. You have to stay sane. _

  
  


For a moment, everything went quiet. The two men seated next to Baekhyun looked at each other and nodded, getting out from their hidden little spot each one from a side. Two gunshots later, Baekhyun saw them lying on the ground in a pool of their own blood.

  
  


_ Don’t look. _

  
  


_ Don’t look, Baekhyun. _

  
  


It must have been Chanyeol, Baekhyun concluded- he was there.

  
  


_ “Get out of your hiding spot, dear Phoenix or else I’m afraid I can’t guarantee how long your princess’ head is going to stay bullet-free!” _

  
  


Another gunshot.

  
  


_ Don’t let it be Chanyeol. _

  
  


_ “See? Not so hard to take a bullet for your loved one, is it?” _

  
  


Baekhyun panicked- pushed his body to the ground until he could see further past the wood blocks. Chanyeol was injured.

  
  


Chanyeol was shot in the abdomen.

  
  


“I’m here…” Chanyeol panted, clutching at his stomach as the blood continued dripping from his fingers. He threw his pistol to the floor. “I’m here- injured and u-unarmed- let him go. I came like you asked- you have to release him-”

  
  


The man laughed, shaking his head at Chanyeol. “Dear, dear. And here I thought you were the biggest mafia boss in the city. How come you haven’t connected the dots? Baekhyun is as wanted as you.”

  
  


_ Do something. Do anything, Baekhyun _

  
  


_ What can I do? If I distract the man, then Chanyeol has the upper hand again. _

  
  


_ I need him to face me. _

  
  


So Baekhyun tried making sounds despite the thing in his mouth- screamed and whined and moaned and every single sound he could possibly make. It didn’t catch their attention.

  
  


He had to make noise- the blocks!

  
  


Baekhyun gave hits with his back to the blocks hiding his form from the room. He hit and hit and hit and he continued even when he couldn’t feel his back all until one of them fell.

  
  


“There, there. Your princess must want to see you before he dies. We should grant him that wish, shouldn’t we?”

  
  


The man turned his entire body to face Baekhyun, pointing the pistol in his direction as he laughed like a deranged man.

  
  


This time, Baekhyun didn’t have an anxiety attack, no. This time, Baekhyun saw that Chanyeol had another pistol inside his jacket, that Chanyeol grabbed it quickly and shot the man in the head.

  
  


Once.

  
  


Twice.

  
  


Thrice.

  
  


He dropped dead.

  
  


Never in his life had Baekhyun held his breath this hard- never in his life had he been this scared.

  
  


Not even when Mal-Chin had been about to kill him.

  
  


This time, he had another person to lose. Someone he considered even more important than his own life.

  
  
  


Chanyeol ran to him as fast as he could, untied his hands first and Baekhyun got the hint to take everything left on his own so he hurried, untied his legs and his mouth and grabbed the block of wood and placed it back the way it was to give them shelter.

  
  


It was as if he was on autopilot. Baekhyun had someone to protect. 

  
  


He had someone to keep alive.

  
  


“Press on it.” Baekhyun urged, trying to blink away the tears in his eyes. “Harder- harder, Chanyeol! You’re bleeding so much-”

  
  


_ “Save your breath.” _ The mafia boss panted, throwing his head back on the blocks. “I killed them all… called Yixing so we should have back-up soon…”

  
  


Baekhyun shook his head, not listening to him anymore as he brought both hands to apply pressure on the wound. “We have to get out of here-” He looked past the blocks, remembering there were many more men when he first opened his eyes. “There were more people here, Chanyeol- they’ll be back. They’ll be back and-”

  
  


He started panicking. If they survived the first batch with an injured Chanyeol, then surely they wouldn’t survive the second. And Baekhyun was not letting him die. “We can’t fight and you’re injured.” He urged, watching as the color drained from Chanyeol’s face. “I can’t-”  _ What if I can’t protect you?  _ “I’ll take you out- they’ll be back, we can’t stay here-”

  
  


_ “Where will you take me?” _ Chanyeol’s breath was short, and his eyes closed. “Yixing will get back-up… he’ll…”

  
  


The moment Baekhyun heard footsteps approaching, he knew this was it.

  
  


Chanyeol was injured. It was all on Baekhyun now.

  
  
  
  


It was funny how life reminded him of his past beliefs in moments like this one- how horrified Baekhyun had been when Chanyeol told him that  _ yes, he did kill people _ sometimes if it was to defend himself.

  
  


Baekhyun, who was terrified of violence and refused it no matter what. This Baekhyun, this exact one, was the one who picked the pistol from Chanyeol’s hands.

  
  


He had so much to lose. So, so much. And he couldn’t let anyone take away the only person he ever cared about. Not when it took him nearly twenty-two years to find him.

  
  


_ If we make it out alive, I’ll tell you everything I feel. I won’t live with regrets anymore.  _

  
  


If emotions were scary, then this was deadly. Oh how he wished he could simply be back at worrying over the fact that men were dangerous and he wasn’t ever allowed to have feelings.

  
  


Today, he’d kill people.

  
  


Chanyeol had taught him how to hold it and how to position his eyes and his shoulders and his fingers and yet, it was the same man who caught back his hand.

  
  


_ “Don’t- I’ll do it… give it- don’t do it, Baekhyun.” _

  
  


“They’re coming!” Baekhyun half yelled, half whispered. “Are you insane? How are you going to shoot with your injury- you even showed me how! It’s my turn now- I can do it-”

  
  


The mafia boss shook his head, and gripped Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I don’t want you… staining your hands with blood.”

  
  


Not this time- this time Baekhyun wouldn’t listen.  _ “I’d rather have their blood on my hands than yours.” _ He replied, positioning himself again. “I know what I’m doing- we have an advantage with the blocks. I’ll take them out and get you out, I swear.”

  
  


Chanyeol’s grip on his hoodie was weak, but it was there. They had no choice.

  
  


How many bullets were left in the pistol, Baekhyun didn’t know. Not many, judging by the amount of dead bodies on the floor.

  
  


Baekhyun aimed and sent another prayer to the skies.

  
  


_ Let him live.  _

  
  


He was about to kill people. He knew that very well. But what he also knew was that shooting people dead was less scary than watching Chanyeol die.

  
  


_ One. _

  
  


_ Two. _

  
  


_ Three. _

  
  


Three men dropped dead on the floor. He had shot them right in the head. And the pistol had no more bullets.

  
  


“Fuck-  _ fuck!” _

  
  


But the two men Chanyeol killed who dropped right next to the wood blocks were armed- they were armed and Baekhyun was near them.

  
  


It was by chance that Chanyeol was not conscious enough to stop him when he exposed himself outside the shelter to steal one pistol, shooting in the air to distract them until he caught the other.

  
  


One was placed in Chanyeol’s hands, and the other, Baekhyun used it to aim again.

  
  


_ Four. _

  
  


_ Five. _

  
  


_ Six. _

  
  


Baekhyun had just killed six people, and he didn’t feel anything. Whether it was the shock or the lack of emotion, he didn’t have time to reflect on it because everyone in the room besides him and Chanyeol were dead.

  
  


And he had to get him out of there.

  
  


“Chanyeol- Chanyeol!” He slowly shook him, trying to wake him up. “We can go- we can get out, the road is clear. Come on-”

  
  


The mafia boss was still panting with a hand over his abdomen. “Where… will you take me on your… own…”

  
  


“Anywhere.” Baekhyun could take him anywhere. “We have to get you out first- these people came in a car, right? I won’t drive yours because they could be tracking it in case anyone’s still alive, but we can take theirs!” The boss… where is he? He surely had the keys, didn’t he? “Just a second, I’ll search for-”

  
  


_ “Drop it.” _

  
  


Baekhyun wanted to cry. How could Chanyeol not want to go out now that everyone had been taken down? “I have to take you out- you’re still bleeding for fucks’ sake!” He yelled, wiping at his eyes furiously. “What should I do then- should I let you to fucking die? Drain yourself of your blood, Chanyeol?  _ What the fuck should I do now? _ ”

  
  
  


“You can’t take me to a hospital.” Chanyeol whispered, motioning for Baekhyun to get closer to him. “Yixing will be here soon- I called him-”

  
  


The younger grabbed the phone and called the last number- no answer. “I don’t care- we’re getting out of here. I’ll drive you to the mansion then-”

  
  


“Too far.” Chanyeol was losing his voice and Baekhyun, his sanity. “It’s a two hours ride- let’s wait…”

  
  


Wait? Chanyeol wanted to wait? “So he won’t be here before another hour at the very least? Hour in which you’ll drain yourself from your blood? Not on my watch.”

  
  


Against his will, Baekhyun crouched and supported Chanyeol with his body, walking him out of what looked like an abandoned hangar and carefully laid him against the car. “I’ll get the keys from inside- stay here. Don’t move or I swear to God I’ll shoot you and then myself.”

  
  


He ran back inside to the body of their boss, pushed him on his back and searched his keys.

  
  


_ Quick.  _

  
  


_ Quick, Baekhyun. _

  
  


Once the keys were in his hands, Baekhyun thought of collecting the remaining pistols. They could always be useful after all.

  
  


It took the impossible to place Chanyeol inside the car, put his seatbelt on against his will because if the bullet in his stomach didn’t kill him, then surely the car accident Baekhyun felt like they were about to get into would.

  
  


He didn’t know where he could go, and no matter the amount of times he hit Yixing’s number, the man didn’t answer. Calling the others would be pointless- he needed a doctor to tell him what to do- where to go.

  
  


“Don’t take me to a hospital.”

  
  


Baekhyun looked at him through the rear mirror. “So what- I just let you die here?”

  
  


_ “I prefer death over prison.” _

  
  


Now Baekhyun was going to cry- he might as well stop the car and throw up because how he had not yet had an anxiety attack… only God knew. “I’m not letting either of them happen to you.”

  
  


_ “And I’m not stepping foot in a hospital, Baekhyun.” _

  
  


Baekhyun threw him the phone. “Call the others- call anyone. Just fucking call someone and ask where to go.”

  
  


While Chanyeol tried his luck, Baekhyun tried not to panic.  _ Where to go? _

  
  


_ Where should he go? _

  
  


Nothing. Not a single person answered.

  
  


Baekhyun screamed and pushed against the steering wheel- he had done it all. Fucking all. And now that he just needed somewhere to go, no one would help?

  
  


“Give me the phone.”

  
  


Pressing on Yixing’s number again, Baekhyun placed it on the passenger seat and pressed on the speaker.

  
  


_ “Don’t stop the car. If anyone’s thought of following us… stopping will only slow us.” _

  
  


And like a miracle fallen from above, a voice was heard through the phone. Baekhyun could have cried tears had he not been crying already. “Where do I go-  _ where do I go Yixing? _ ”

  
  


_ “I’m sorry- we were on the road to get to-” _

  
  


_ “I don’t care!” _ Baekhyun yelled, looking at Chanyeol fighting to stay unconscious. “What do I do now- what do I do so he doesn’t die!”

  
  


_ “How long has it been since he was shot?” _

“Twenty- twenty to thirty minutes.”

  
  


_ “Has he lost a lot of blood?” _

  
  


“Quite- and he’s fighting to stay conscious. He said going back to the mansion was too long and you were too long to get there so I-”

  
  


_ “Well done.” _ Yixing interrupted.  _ “I sent something. Accept it so it’ll share your location with me.” _

  
  


“What-”

  
  


_ “Do as I say.” _

  
  


Baekhyun quickly clicked on it and turned his eyes back on the road. It took a moment before the doctor spoke again. 

  
  


_ “Waiting for us to get there will be too long, you can’t take him back so… there’s a hospital close.” _

  
  


“Chanyeol said-”

  
  


_ “I know, but from now on, I want you to focus and do exactly as I say.” _

  
  


Chanyeol was unconscious and Baekhyun no longer had a choice.

  
  


“I’m listening.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When Baekhyun spotted the man Yixing had described over the phone, for some reason, he was nervous. Chanyeol knew better than him and had been in the Mafia for so long- Chanyeol chose death over prison.

  
  


But Baekhyun couldn’t let him die. He couldn’t and wouldn’t send him to prison.

  
  


The moment Baekhyun threw open the door and stepped out, he prevented the man in a gown and gloves from getting to Chanyeol.

  
  


“I was contacted by Yixing.” The doctor said. “He said it was an emergency, so I got my team ready. We’ll take well care of him.”

  
  


_ “I know a doctor in a hospital nearby your location. I trust him and he owes me, so go there. He’ll treat Chanyeol and keep a low profile. His name is Junmyeon- I sent a picture just to make sure. Ask him what the code is, and if he says red, you’re safe to go. I’ll get there as soon as I can.” _

  
  


“Code?”

  
  


_ “Red.” _

  
  


So Baekhyun stepped aside, watching as they took Chanyeol out on a stretcher and inside the hospital, while he followed close behind.

  
  


“You can’t come in further.” A nurse stopped him as they took Chanyeol inside. “I’m sorry but-”

  
  


“I have to get in.” He argued. “I- I can’t let him alone-”

  
  


“I’m sorry, Sir. Only doctors and nurses are allowed inside.” She bowed and left, running after the team that had taken Chanyeol inside.

  
  


_ “I trust him. Don’t worry too much and let them handle it.” _

  
  


Baekhyun collapsed against the wall, hiding his head between his hands. He prayed Yixing was right.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Yixing arrived before Chanyeol was out of surgery.

  
  


It had been two hours ever since Chanyeol was taken inside, and yet no news had gotten to them.

  
  


Baekhyun was still in the same position he was in two hours ago- hands painted red, seated against the floor, back to the wall, eyes closed. The doctor tried multiple times to get him to sit on the seats, but Baekhyun refused. He tried again getting him food- coffee even, and Baekhyun felt like if anything went down his throat, he’d throw it up.

  
  


How much longer would it take?

  
  


Was he fighting for his life as much as Baekhyun fought for his?

  
  


_ Let him live. I’ll do whatever it takes, but please let him live. _

  
  


Baekhyun, not once in his life, had been religious. But these past few hours, he’d have thrown everything he knew out of the window to trust that a superior being was watching over him.

  
  


_ Let him live, _ Baekhyun repeated, hands linked.  _ Don’t take him away from me. I still have to tell him how I feel. I have questions to ask him. _

  
  


_ I want him to hold me just another time. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


_ “For Park Chanyeol?” _

  
  


Baekhyun jumped, standing up on weak feet before walking the short distance that separated him from the doctor at the automatic door. “Yes- I’m here.” He bowed, blinking his eyes from how dry they were. 

  
  


“We’re here.” Yixing clarified behind him, putting a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “What’s his condition?”

“The surgery was successful- we’ve removed the bullet and he’s currently resting. We just need his... “ He looked down to the note board in his hands. “-assigned doctor. Junmyeon said he’d be here to monitor him.”

  
  


Baekhyun felt his legs give in, falling to the floor in front of both doctors.

  
  


They rushed to his side, asked questions and tried making sense of what just happened, but Baekhyun passed it off as simple… exhaustion. “I wanna see him- Yixing I wanna see him-”

  
  


“Tell you what.” Yixing said, helping him up on his feet again. “You go see him in his private room first, and I’ll go check on the details. I’ll join you soon, okay?”

  
  


Following the doctor who had informed them of Chanyeol’s situation, Baekhyun started feeling dizzy.

  
  


_ Chanyeol was alive.  _

  
  


_ Baekhyun had succeeded in saving him. _

  
  


_ He was alive. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“He’s still asleep.” The doctor said, showing his badge before the bodyguards at the door let him pass. “And this one’s with me, orders coming directly from Junmyeon.”

  
  


The two men at the door weren’t convinced.

  
  


“Ring him. He’ll tell you.”

  
  


After confirmation was sent from Junmyeon’s side, Baekhyun was allowed inside.

  
  


There he was, asleep on the bed.

  
  


Alive. Very much alive.

  
  


Exactly how Baekhyun wanted him.

  
  


“I suggest you go in and shower, wash your hands and change your clothes.” Then he pointed to a small closet. “You’ll find clothes in there.” With the blood all over his body, indeed it made sense for him to do so.

  
  


But he couldn’t. Not when there was no one to keep an eye on Chanyeol while he left under the water.

  
  


No.

  
  


He’d wait until Yixing came in.

  
  


Everything in his body hurt- absolutely every part of it.

  
  


Baekhyun was exhausted to a point he had never been, but even when his eyes burned and his body threatened to make him fall asleep, Baekhyun kept it together.

  
  


He had someone to protect.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Chanyeol was still asleep when Baekhyun got out of the shower.

  
  


“It’s normal.” Yixing told him, taking in his appearance. “He’ll be out for a few hours. Don’t stress it too much.”

  
  
  
  


How he even found the energy to shower, Baekhyun didn’t know. From being kidnapped, killing people then escaping with an injured mafia boss, Baekhyun could fully think that his life had become  _ interesting _ . And to think he used to think being a prostitute was a huge thing.

  
  


Food would have been heavenly at this time, but Baekhyun couldn’t take it anymore- it was either he slept or he fainted. “Can you stay here?” He asked the doctor, taking in what the room looked like for the first time- the humidifier, the large bed, the couch, the closet and the separate bathroom. “I don’t think I can keep my eyes open for very long and- and I don’t want to leave him alone.”

  
  


“Of course.” Yixing agreed, pointing to the door outside. “The guards outside are from Junmyeon’s side, rest assured.”

  
  


Yeah, no, he was definitely  _ not  _ resting assured. “Where’s everyone else?” Where in the world are they when their boss was  _ shot _ ?

  
  


“They can’t all show up in a hospital like this.” Was the short answer. “Minseok, Jongin, Sehun and even Kyungsoo appearing together would raise suspicions so they-”

  
  


“Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun interrupted, remembering that he had also been taken away. “What happened to him- is he okay?”

  
  


Yixing shook his head. “They were left behind. The people who abducted you only wanted you… Kyungsoo is safe and sound, don’t worry.”

  
  


And just as Baekhyun crashed on the couch, feeling like crying at the sensation, he remembered something. “Yixing?”

  
  


“Hmm?”

  
  


“... Are you sure it’s safe for Chanyeol to be here?”

  
  
  


The answer was instant. “It is. He’s treated as a VIP client, no one will be questioning what happened. I took care of the papers, don’t worry. You just get some sleep while I watch over him, okay?”

  
  


Baekhyun would have liked to deny the offer and watch over Chanyeol himself, but the exhaustion had caught up with him so badly he felt like crying.

  
  


With no cushion nor blanket, Baekhyun fell asleep on the cold couch.

  
  


xx

The first thing Baekhyun noticed after opening his eyes was the lighting.

Where he remembered it being early afternoon, it was now nearing evening. The sun was setting, and the first thing Baekhyun did was turn his head towards Chanyeol only to find him asleep.

When Baekhyun stretched his limbs, he noticed a pillow under his head. A little more movement, and he felt the blanket over his body. Those were definitely not there when he fell asleep.

And the moment he got up, Baekhyun spotted a water bottle on the table near the couch. A little note was found next to it.

_ I went out to get some food. Chanyeol is a picky eater, he won’t touch hospital food. He woke up for a while earlier and seemed fine then he fell back asleep. There’s a nurse coming in about every hour to check on him. I’ll be back. _

Pushing the blanket away, Baekhyun stood up and stretched his arms over his head, his legs, his neck. Everything was sore- absolutely everything as if Baekhyun had just finished a marathon. 

With a quick look to the door to ensure the guards were still there, Baekhyun went into the bathroom.

_ How could the first thing he remembered was that he killed people? _

“It was self-defense.” He muttered, running the water to splash his face. “It was self-defense- it was self-defense, it was self-”

Baekhyun still threw up.

His palms burned from where he was holding the counter, but he held on it and vomited.

The cold water did nothing to his face. It did nothing to the images he remembered- the bodies jerking at every shot he had fired.

It didn’t sit well with him that he had taken human lives. 

_ But I did it to protect myself and the one I love. _

That didn’t seem like a good enough excuse when his lungs started trapping him yet again, and he felt like he was about to die.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After yet another shower to get rid of the vomit and sweat, Baekhyun emerged from the bathroom only to find Chanyeol awake.

  
  


_ “Hey.” _

  
  


Yixing turned his head at Baekhyun’s voice and after exchanging words with Chanyeol, bowed to him and left the room.

  
  


“Why did you do it?”

  
  


So they’d fight first thing after he opened his eyes.  _ Great. _

  
  


“Baekhyun why- why didn’t you listen to me?”

  
  


And for once, Baekhyun hadn’t wanted to listen. He had listened his entire life to what people had told him and complied because happy people meant peaceful people. He had listened and done everything they told him to and kept his opinions to himself because Baekhyun was afraid of things blowing up.

  
  


But this? It didn’t matter if Chanyeol got upset at him. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t happy with his decision because Baekhyun, for once, had something precious to protect.

  
  


“Why did I do what?” He played deaf, grabbing the water bottle Yixing had left behind. “I wasn’t going to let you die there- I told you I wasn’t letting you go to prison either and look-”

  
  


The mafia boss shook his head. “Not this.”

  
  


He’d play deaf until the very end if he could. “I don’t get what you mean.”

  
  


Baekhyun did. He did very well and he didn’t want to hear it. “Oh, you mean shooting them?” He shrugged, like it meant nothing. “I don’t care- you think I’m affected?”

  
  


There was something in Chanyeol’s expression that said he was. 

  
  


“I’m not.” Gulping down half the bottle, Baekhyun screwed it back close and sat at the end of the bed. “It was self-defense. I know what I did.”

  
  


“Are you sure?”

  
  


So he hummed, pressing his lips together. “Absolutely. I’d have killed Mal-Chin if I could- it’s my life over theirs, Chanyeol.”

  
  


Whether the mafia boss was convinced or not, Baekhyun couldn’t tell when he invited him to lie in bed next to him. The wound had been bandaged and cleaned and Baekhyun didn’t want him moving at all.

  
  


_ “The bed is big enough.” _

  
  
  


So he did as he was told, lying next to Chanyeol. 

  
  


There was much more Chanyeol wanted to say- his silence was not normal. Why he kept it for now and fell back asleep, Baekhyun didn’t know.

  
  


He didn’t know, and he hoped it wouldn’t come either.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Staying with Chanyeol in the bed didn’t work. It didn’t work and Baekhyun carefully got out and rushed to the bathroom, locked it behind him and started crying again.

  
  


He had killed people.

  
  


Had taken away their lives one by one.

  
  


_ What did that make him? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“What happened to your palms?” Chanyeol asked as a nurse was coming out of the room. 

  
  


Turning them to look, Baekhyun remembered being tied to the chair. “Oh, that? It’s from when I was tied to the chair.

  
  


“Why didn’t you have Yixing look at it?”

  
  


Why? Because he’s been going from one big thing to another maybe. “It’s not that bad, don’t-”

  
  


Before he could even finish his sentence, Chanyeol pressed on the nurse call button. It didn’t take long before the same nurse that had been in the room minutes ago came in.

  
  


“Please look at his palms.” Chanyeol pointed towards the younger. “Can you do something about it?”

  
  


The young woman bowed. “You can come with me.” She concluded after one look at Baekhyun’s palms. “It won’t be long.”

  
  


Why did Chanyeol think this was important right now?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Returning with bandages, Baekhyun told himself he had to focus on more important things- he couldn’t continue having anxiety attacks and stressing things over when Chanyeol was still recovering.

  
  


He had to keep his head straight.

  
  


_ He needed to. _

  
  


But what Chanyeol looked like he was holding back from saying, he finally did. “Come sit here.”

  
  


“My palms are okay.” The younger argued, turning them to show the bandages. “It was disinfected and bandaged- look.”

  
  


“Come over here.”

  
  


So he sat and wondered.

  
  


_ Did Chanyeol know? _

  
  


“What do you keep going to the bathroom for?”

  
  


Baekhyun looked down to his palms. “To shower and… pee? What else?”

  
  


_ “Baekhyun.” _

  
  


So he knew-  _ he knew _ .

  
  


“Lie down.” The mafia boss said, opening up his arm for Baekhyun to slip in. “I was gone for months and I couldn’t even hold you properly from the moment I came back.”

  
  


What is it that he knew? Did he know it all?

  
  


“You’re injured-” Stating the obvious, Baekhyun pointing to his abdomen. “Stop trying to move all around and-”

  
  


“ _ Please _ , Baekhyun. Come lie with me.”

  
  


So he went, careful not to touch his stomach all the way down to his body. He lied down and let Chanyeol wrap his arms around him, tucking Baekhyun’s head under his chin. “You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?”

  
  


Baekhyun hid just a little closer in his chest.

  
  


“Do you want to talk about it?”

  
  


_ “No.” _

  
  


No he didn’t. Not only was Chanyeol occupied with enough worries of his own, but Baekhyun didn’t know what to do or say about it.

  
  


“You did what you had to do.”

  
  


That’s what he had been telling himself. 

  
  


“You had no other choice, Baekhyun. It was either they died or you did.”

  
  


And if given the choice once again, Baekhyun would do the same thing in a heartbeat.

  
  


“I’m sorry I couldn’t assume the responsibility and had to leave it to you, but I’m proud of you. You kept yourself safe and you saved  _ me _ .”

  
  


Hadn’t that been all he ever wanted from a young age? Keep himself safe?

  
  


Would it have been as terrifying had he also pushed a bullet through Mal-Chin’s head? Would he have felt bad for it too?

  
  


Even though the man was about to murder him?

  
  


“I know it’s scary, and I’m sorry you had to go through it because of me… I never wanted you to be involved like this.”

  
  


This time, Baekhyun looked up. Chanyeol had killed people too, he would know- he had killed an entire group of men just minutes before Baekhyun had to shoot down the rest.

  
  


But what Baekhyun had also taken was a decision. Baekhyun still stood by it- that killing them was less scary than watching Chanyeol die. “You didn’t involve me- I took a decision. And I’d take it again if it means you get to live.”

  
  


He knew now that no matter how scared he had been in the past of his father, of men and of his emotions, that what was even scarier was feeling things for a person and being threatened with their death.

  
  


“Don’t feel guilty because of me.” The smaller repeated, wrapping his fingers around Chanyeol’s arm. “I was also defending myself.”

  
  


_ But mostly, I did it for you. _

  
  


What the kiss Chanyeol laid on his forehead meant, Baekhyun didn’t know. He didn’t know and in all honesty? It didn’t matter.

  
  


From this point onwards, Baekhyun would no longer live with regrets. Once Chanyeol recovered enough to go back home, Baekhyun would tell him. He’d tell him all about what he feels.

  
  


What scared him in the beginning and why he held back.

  
  


He’d tell him everything.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


_ “Baekhyun.” _

  
  


Baekhyun stood up from the couch, walked to the door where the doctor was standing. “Yes?”

  
  


“Here.”

  
  


Was that…

  
  


“Kyungsoo said to give it to you.”

  
  


With Yixing gone to buy food yet again for the mafia boss, Baekhyun took the bag back to where he was seated and opened it. He smiled, so, so happy the box hadn’t been crushed.

  
  


But to celebrate… they needed cake.

  
  


So he ran out, called for the doctor and told him to buy a small cake.

  
  


“Cake?”

  
  


“It’s his birthday- can you also get candles?”

  
  


Yixing laughed, patting Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You can’t bring in candles in these rooms, but I can totally get you a cake. Any preference?”

  
  


“An expensive one.”

  
  


Perhaps he didn’t know about Chanyeol’s culinary tastes, but he knew something the man had always liked; expensive things.

  
  


“The most expensive one you can find, Yixing. Thank you.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“So you got me a cake…”

  
  


Chanyeol sounded so excited it made Baekhyun’s heart flutter. “And a gift.”

  
  


This time, the mafia boss frowned. “A gift? When did you have time for a gift?”

  
  


Right. Now for sure if they hadn’t gotten in an argument prior to this, they would now. “When I went out with Kyungsoo…” Before the birthday man could say anything, Baekhyun continued. “In my honorable defense, what is done is done. There’s no use dwelling over things-”

  
  


“So you got kidnapped just because you were buying me a gift?”

  
  


Chanyeol sounded every bit like he was  _ not  _ happy.

  
  


“It’s not Kyungsoo’s fault.” He changed the topic, grabbing the bag from where he had it hidden under the couch. “I kept annoying him to get out without telling you- it’s my fault.”

  
  


“And why didn’t you tell me? You knew very well you weren’t allowed to go out without my permission, Baekhyun.”

  
  


He knew. He knew, but how was he supposed to buy him a surprise gift?

  
  


“It’d have ruined the surprise- I wanted it to be a secret until today.”

  
  


Would he yell at him? Would he scream and shout and tell Baekhyun he was stupid?

  
  


“Never do it again.” Chanyeol said instead, accepting the bag. “I’m not letting you out after this- not for a very long time.”

  
  


It made sense, and Baekhyun wouldn’t argue it.

  
  


“It matches with your rings and your chain… the silver ones. I thought you’d like it.”

  
  


And just like Kyungsoo predicted, Chanyeol didn’t say he didn’t like hand watches. He didn’t say they were uncomfortable on his wrist nor that he never wore them. 

  
  


No.

  
  


Instead, he placed it on his wrist right away and motioned Baekhyun to get closer to him.

  
  


_ “Thank you. Thank you but for the love of God, don’t scare me like this again. Alright?” _

  
  


If the kiss Chanyeol placed on his cheek was chaste, the red that blossomed around Baekhyun’s neck was not.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“Is Yixing still here?” Chanyeol asked sometime after the doctor had left. “I haven’t seen him much all day.”

  
  


“Yixing? He left about an hour ago- why? Want me to call him- do you need something?”

  
  


For a moment, Chanyeol didn’t answer and it made Baekhyun turn around to look at his face. “Chanyeol? Do you want me to call him for you?”

  
  


“No- no it’s fine. I was just wondering whether I slept too much and missed him.”

  
  


“You did sleep quite a bit. But it’s fine, you need the rest, besides-” The noise made Baekhyun turn around, only to find Chanyeol struggling to get on his feet. “What are you doing! You’re not supposed to move for another-”

  
  


The mafia boss shook his head. “I need to move my legs, Baekhyun. It’s getting tiring.”

  
  


“You’re  _ not  _ supposed to-  _ the wound is still- _ ”

  
  


“Walk me around, then?”

  
  


All Baekhyun wanted to do was push him back against the bed and tie him to it, but Chanyeol didn’t look like he’d take no for an answer. “Fine, but just a little.”

  
  


Chanyeol chuckled. “You’re so generous,  _ Sir _ .”

  
  


With one hand dragging around the IV drip and the other around Baekhyun’s, Chanyeol stepped out of the room.

  
  


_ “Are you going somewhere, Sir?” _

  
  


Chanyeol nodded. “I need to walk a little- my legs are starting to hurt from just lying in bed all day.”

  
  


“We’ll accompany you, then.” The second man said. “After you.”

  
  


For which reason Chanyeol wanted to walk, Baekhyun didn’t know because it looked like walking was extremely painful. “Are you sure-”

  
  


Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun closer and started kissing his neck.  _ “Just pretend everything’s normal. Don’t look back at the guards and don’t act suspicious. I have to talk to you.” _

  
  


What was going on?

  
  


“If you start acting all lovely with me too, they’ll leave a bigger space between us and them. I have to tell you something.”

  
  


Why bring him out of all things-  _ why not tell him in their room where no one was watching, nor hearing? _

  
  


If Baekhyun had to be lovely, then he’d be- he reached for Chanyeol’s cheek and pecked him. “What is it?” He asked with a smile, turning to look in front of him.

  
  


The mafia boss pulled him closer until he almost collided with his chest. _ “There’s a traitor.” _

  
  


Baekhyun froze right in his spot, but Chanyeol pulled him along. “Keep walking. Look straight forward.”

  
  


There was a what, now?

  
  


“You’ve been in the house for eight months and no one could locate you back from Mal-Chin’s house. The only time you go out in eight months without me, they know exactly where to find you, at which time, and they come equipped?” 

  
  


No. It couldn’t be- it couldn’t be.

  
  


“Had they known, they’d have followed me right in the mansion.”

  
  


This time, Chanyeol passed a hand in the younger’s hair. “It’s too hard getting inside- no one’s ever broken in the mansion ever since I took the organisation. It’s impossible.”

  
  


_ Who? _

  
  


_ Just who? _

  
  


“So you’re saying-”

  
  


“Someone from inside the house. No one but Jongin, Sehun, Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo know where you came from- no one knows how important you are to me but them.”

  
  


“What if they told people?” Baekhyun wondered, tightening his grip around the mafia boss’ waist. “It can’t be someone from the house- why would anyone…”

  
  


“Yixing’s a suspect too, that’s why I got you out- the room could be bugged. Cameras even.”

  
  


So Baekhyun had just ruined everything. “Is this why-”

  
  


“Why I didn’t want you taking me to a hospital.”

  
  


It made no sense- no it made absolutely no sense. “If the person wanted to take you down, they’d have done it even in the mansion.”

  
  


The mafia boss shook his head. “It’s harder to get inside the mansion.”

  
  


“But they’re already inside, you said.”

  
  


When Baekhyun spotted a bench, he urged Chanyeol to sit and rest- something the older refused. _ “Keep walking.” _

  
  


Not even a second later, Chanyeol stopped and turned around to both bodyguards. “I need to use the restroom… which one is the closest?”

  
  


While one of them looked, the other stayed behind, eyes on the pair. 

  
  


_ “There’s one in just a few meters- straight up, Sir.” _

  
  


“Thank you.” Chanyeol nodded, acknowledging him. “I’ll take him inside with me for help- could you get inside too? Not in the actual stall.” Laughing, Chanyeol prompted both men to share a smile. “But just inside so I feel safer, you know? I won’t ask you to assist me to pee!”

  
  


_ What are you playing at, Chanyeol? _

  
  


Only once they were inside the stall, all alone, did Chanyeol pull a pen and a piece of paper from his pocket.

  
  


_ Don’t talk about what we just said back in the room.  _

  
  


He showed what he just wrote to Baekhyun who only nodded.

  
  


_ Do you have any idea of who could have done it? Anyone who hates you perhaps? Or who was weird around you? _

  
  


Ah. 

  
  


_ Ah. _

  
  


Minseok was strict with him and didn’t look like he particularly enjoyed his presence, but Sehun… Sehun would have, literally, killed him if he could.

  
  


_ Sehun. _

  
  


When Baekhyun passed the paper to Chanyeol, the taller was surprised. 

  
  


_ Sehun? He was barely ever home. _

  
  


_ “Is everything okay in there, Sir?” _

  
  


Baekhyun almost dropped the paper at the noise, hand going to where his heart was threatening to give up on him. 

  
  


“Yes, yes. It’s just a little hard peeing for some reason- ah, it must be the medication.”

  
  


At the sight of Baekhyun frightened, Chanyeol placed a hand around his neck and rubbed.

  
  


_ Don’t be scared, I’m with you. _ He mouthed.

  
  


Closing his eyes for a moment, Baekhyun focused on his breathing and the hand around his skin.

  
  


_ Sehun often insulted me. Said that I was a cheap whore. That I shouldn’t sit with you at the table. Said that he couldn’t compete for your attention when you had a whore. _

  
  


The frown on Chanyeol’s traits deepened before he looked up to Baekhyun.

  
  


_ Why didn’t you tell me? _

  
  


_ It wasn’t important. Now is not the time to focus on that. Just tell me if you remember him being suspicious or what? _

  
  


When Chanyeol shook his head, Baekhyun knew he didn’t have to be worried.

  
  


Whether Sehun had been suspicious around Chanyeol or not, the answer was still there.

  
  


If anyone hated Baekhyun with his entire being, it had to be Sehun.

Now the only question remaining was why also get Chanyeol harmed?

  
  


It made no sense.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Ever since they went back to Chanyeol’s private suite, Baekhyun hadn’t known how to act.

  
  


If it was anyone, then it  _ had  _ to be Sehun. So why was Baekhyun scared of stepping a foot inside again, feeling like he was being watched?

  
  


If it was Sehun, then it couldn’t be Yixing- unless they were together.

  
  


_ But Yixing saved your life,  _ Baekhyun had argued with Chanyeol in the toilet stall.

  
  


_ How convenient of him to get me out of the mansion and under his care and eyes too, _ had been Chanyeol’s answer.

  
  


Still, the mafia boss didn’t look nervous- why was he not nervous?

  
  


How could he not be nervous when the enemy could have been under their nose all this time?

  
  


“Come sit.” Chanyeol invited, patting the bed. “Come over, Baekhyun. I have something to tell you.”

  
  


_ God, please, don’t let it be bad news again. _

  
  


Chanyeol must have noticed his uneasiness from the way he placed a palm over his thigh and squeezed just the slightest. “It’s not something bad- no, it’s something amazing even.”

  
  


“I’m listening.” For some reason, people telling him they _ needed to talk _ was scary. Why couldn’t they just do it without announcing it? Why did people need to announce things and make the ones supposed to hear nervous?

  
  


“I didn’t know when or how to tell you this but after what happened… I think it needs to be said right now.”

  
  


_ What is it? _

  
  


“I can wait for you.” The mafia boss started, gripping his hand instead. “I can wait until you’re ready to take someone in your heart.”

  
  


That same heart Chanyeol was talking about skipped a beat.

  
  


“You don’t have to give me an answer right now to this.” He interrupted before Baekhyun could even open his mouth. “Take your time, think about it. What I do want to ask is this.”

  
  


_ What now? _

  
  


“I can wait for you as long as it takes, but tell me if I have a chance.” The chuckle was not enough to hide his shaky voice. “I can wait with hope- I can, Baekhyun. But if there’s no hope- and I understand that, it’s your right and I’m just asking because I’m hopeful that-”

  
  


“You do.” Respecting Chanyeol’s wishes, Baekhyun only answered the second question although he knew very well how to react to the beginning of the statement. “You have a chance.”

  
  


“Good, then. I can go to sleep in peace.”

  
  
  


He had tried acting like he wasn’t nervous, but Baekhyun knew him a little too well by now. And as he watched him fall asleep, he wondered how come things weren’t so scary anymore.

  
  


Was it the fact that Chanyeol had in sight and obviously told him that he was explicitly interested in him? The fact that Baekhyun didn’t have to worry over whether or not their relationship was purely physical?

  
  


It didn’t matter too much, he concluded.

  
  


Chanyeol was safe and sound.

  
  


They had to get out soon, he knew that, but for now, Baekhyun could only hope he could keep Chanyeol safe just like Chanyeol had kept him safe all these months.

  
  


Maybe he’d be allowed to love him when all of this was over.

  
  


Maybe.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“What’s with the smile?”

  
  


What was with the smile… perhaps the fact that Baekhyun had spent the entire night imagining a future with Chanyeol. He didn’t know how or where they’d be, but it’d be together.

  
  


“Just thinking.” Baekhyun answered, filling him a glass of water. “Here. Take your meds.”

  
  


After swallowing the white pills, Chanyeol demanded more water. “Thinking about what?”

  
  


_ You.  _ “Just things.”

  
  


Chanyeol hummed, pursing his lips in a very unimpressed way. “Just say you’re still flustered from yesterday’s confession.”

  
  


“I’m not!”  _ He sure was. _ “What’s with the early flirting, huh? It’s what-” Baekhyun grabbed his wrist, looking at the watch. “It’s barely nine in the morning. Tone it a little, will you?”

  
  


_ “I’ve had you in my bed already, I don’t see what’s making you so shy.” _

  
  


When Baekhyun frowned, Chanyeol shrugged his shoulders. “It’s true though.”

  
  


They still hadn’t talked after last night’s confession as per Chanyeol’s request to give Baekhyun more time to think. The decision had been taken long ago, though.

  
  


“You’re shameless, I swear-”

  
  


Baekhyun placed the water pitcher on the table when he heard the voices near their door.

  
  


“What’s wrong?” The mafia boss asked, losing the smile quickly from his face. 

  
  


There seemed to be arguing among the bodyguards outside the door- voices one over the other. “I’ll go check, just a second-”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t have time to take another step towards the door where both bodyguards opened it from their side, revealing two police officers behind them.

  
  


_ “Park Chanyeol?” _

  
  


His heart dropped- Baekhyun clutched to his chest and moved to stand in front of Chanyeol.

  
  


_ No. _

  
  


Chanyeol looked just as alarmed but he caught Baekhyun’s hand and pushed his body to the side gently. “Yes, it’s me.”

  
  


“We have some questions to ask you, so we’ll demand everyone else to step outside please.”

  
  


Fuck.

  
  


_ Fuck _ \- Baekhyun had to go get Yixing. “He’s still resting.” Baekhyun blurted out, pointing to the IV drip. “It’s not a good idea to tire him out right now-”

  
  


The same police officer who asked for Chanyeol’s name laughed. “No one’s going to tire out anyone. They’re just a few questions, now if you may.”

  
  


When Chanyeol looked his side and nodded, Baekhyun knew they were screwed.

  
  


He shouldn’t have brought him.

  
  


Baekhyun shouldn’t have fucking brought him here.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


He ran. Baekhyun ran and ran and cried.

  
  


_ “Yixing- where’s doctor Yixing?” _

  
  


He ran- he ran and ran and ran.

  
  


It was all his fault- Chanyeol said not to go to a hospital. He knew.

  
  


He knew what would happen.

  
  


Baekhyun should have listened.

  
  


_ What if he went to jail? _

  
  


He’d never forgive himself for it.

  
  


He should have found another way to save Chanyeol.

  
  


_ What an idiot. _

  
  


_ Look at what you’ve done. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


_ “What did they say?” _

  
  


The doctor shook his head, looking about as dejected as Baekhyun. “I can’t stop them from asking him questions- they can’t take him away for now, but for the ques-”

  
  


Baekhyun felt like throwing up. “T-Take him?”

  
  


“It’s not looking well.” Yixing sighed, taking a seat next to Baekhyun on the bench facing the suite. “I’m not sure how Chanyeol is answering and what their basis is for asking, but-”

  
  


“Did you call the others?” Someone had to be able to do something-  _ one  _ of them at least. “Minseok! Minseok’s his right hand- or Jongin! Jongin’s always on the go with him for-”

  
  


The moment Yixing placed a finger against Baekhyun’s mouth, he knew he had been talking too loudly of things he shouldn’t have been. “Keep it down. We still don’t know why they’re questioning him. Besides, I told you already they can’t come here.”

  
  


_ “Then tell them!” _ Baekhyun hissed, pointing at the door. “Are we just going to sit here waiting for them to take him to-” He couldn’t say it, not for the life of him. “Are you telling me all we can do is wait?”

  
  


“It’s the police you’re talking about. We can’t just ignore them- if they want him behind bars, they’ll get him one way or another.”

  
  


No.

  
  


_ No _ .

  
  


They were not going to take Chanyeol. 

  
  


“I’ll go instead of him.” Baekhyun whispered in Yixing’s ear. “I- I killed people in the hangar after the kidnapping. It was self-defense- I can get a-”

  
  


This time, in answer, the doctor gripped Baekhyun’s forearm and squeezed. “Don’t say a word before you’re asked a thing- scratch that.  _ Don’t say a word until you see Chanyeol. _ He’ll probably decide to remain silent until his lawyer gets there and you should  _ too  _ unless you want it being used as evidence against you- and him probably if you slip.”

  
  


The only thing he could do was bring his hands together for a prayer to the one above.

_ You got us out of so many situations. Please hear my prayers. _

  
  


_ Chanyeol needs it now too. You didn’t let him die. _

  
  


_ Please don’t send him to prison. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The moment the officers came out of the room, Baekhyun had already dried his tears and kept his expressions to himself- anything to not look suspicious. Except the moment he went back in the room, he broke down.

  
  


Chanyeol looked conflicted on the bed, and Baekhyun wanted to cry.

  
  


He ran to him, hugged him and let himself be embraced. “I’m sorry- I’m so sorry, Chanyeol- I shouldn’t have brought you here-”

  
  


_ “Baekhyun-” _

  
  


“I’ll take the blame. I ki-”

  
  


The hand against his mouth was insistent, and the mafia boss was not letting go of it.  _ “Don’t say a word.” _ He mouthed, looking towards the door.  _ “Don’t.” _

  
  


_ “I can’t let them take you!” _ Baekhyun yelled, not caring. “I’m not letting them take you- I drove you here against your will, Chanyeol! It’s my fault you’re in this mess-”

  
  


Why Chanyeol had arms around him, Baekhyun didn’t understand. Did he not understand how big the issue was?

  
  


“My lawyer will be here soon. I refused to answer their questions, so they’ll take me with them when I’m discharged.” He tightened his hold on Baekhyun when Baekhyun tried jerking away. “Listen to me carefully, Baekhyun. I want you to go back to the mansion with Yixing, okay? I can handle myself, but you need to go back to safety.”

  
  


“We don’t even know who the traitor is.” Baekhyun argued back, shaking his head at the mention of leaving Chanyeol. “I’m much safer by your side-”

  
  


_ “No.” _

  
  


“Chanyeol!”

  
  


_ “No.” _ Was the repeated answer. “They abducted you and tried harming you once, I’m not taking that risk again.”

  
  


It was funny how his brain worked sometimes, making him laugh in such a situation.  _ Was he losing his mind? _ “So what? You’ll take the entire blame?”

  
  


“The questioning didn’t look like it was in my favor, Baekhyun. They’re suspecting me for many things, I might as well…” He trailed, but Baekhyun understood. Chanyeol would take the blame for him- for having killed people. Would free him of potential charges held against him.

  
  


How that would be possible, he didn’t know.

  
  


He didn’t know and it didn’t matter.

  
  


Baekhyun would not go. “I’m not going- I’ll go with you. I’ll probably need your lawyer too, right?”

  
  


“They did not ask for you.” Chanyeol hissed, whispering in Baekhyun’s ear. “I’m not involving you in this-”

  
  
  


“How can I let you go?” It felt like yet another anxiety attack would hit. “How can I just let them take you-  _ how _ ?”

  
  


When Baekhyun had been scared, it was Chanyeol who had comforted him.

  
  


When he had cried, it had been Chanyeol too.

  
  


And when his life had been endangered by both Mal-Chin months ago and his men just days ago, it had been Chanyeol who pulled his pistol without hesitation to put bullets through their heads.

  
  


So how could he let go of this man, when not only had he been useless all these months to him, and now had put him in enough danger for an entire lifetime?

  
  


Why was he powerless when it came to protecting the one he loved?

  
  


_ Why? _

  
  


“I promise I’ll be back, okay? But for now I need you to leave with Yixing-”

  
  


“I’m not leaving-”

  
  


_ “Baekhyun!” _

  
  


It didn’t matter if he got yelled at. It didn’t matter if Chanyeol was upset- what mattered was getting him out of this mess.

  
  


“What do you think you can do if you come with me?” Chanyeol asked, sighing. “What- how is you coming with me going to help?”

  
  


But would telling Chanyeol _ I don’t want to leave _ help?

  
  


_ Aren’t you adding to his worries? _

  
  


_ Haven’t you been selfish enough? _

  
  


If Chanyeol was not going to accept help directly, then Baekhyun had to think of another way. There had to be another way- this time he had to listen to Chanyeol, didn’t he?

  
  


“What should I do then?” Baekhyun bit on the inside of his cheek, not wanting the tears to fall. “How- how can I help you?”

  
  


At last, Chanyeol looked relieved. “Go back with Yixing to the mansion and not a word to anyone about what-” He stopped, mouthing  _ about what you did _ .

  
  


Then Baekhyun had to find help elsewhere- far from Chanyeol. “Are you ruling out Yixing of the suspects?”

  
  


The mafia boss hummed. “He’s the one who contacted my lawyer and the only one who answered your calls in the car. I can’t deny that he also saved my life-”

  
  


“But the police here now-”

  
  


“I know.” Chanyeol was not happy with this answer at all. “I know but I have no other choice right now. I don’t know who else I can entrust you with.”

  
  


So he thought; Yixing had told him to keep it down when he started talking about having also killed people. It made sense. “He told me not to say anything to the officers until I talked with you.”

  
  


“It’s someone from the mansion. It has to be.”

  
  


Then why was Chanyeol sending him back there?

  
  


“Do you trust me?”

  
  


Baekhyun did. “Of course I do.”

  
  


When Chanyeol grabbed his hand and started drawing letters, Baekhyun had a feeling he wouldn’t like it.

  
  


Indeed, Baekhyun didn’t like it.

  
  


He didn’t like it at all.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Chanyeol made him leave the room saying he needed to go get Yixing again, that the officers wanted to speak to him. And just when he found the man and went back with him, Chanyeol had disappeared.

  
  


Baekhyun barged in the room, left speechless. “Where is he-  _ where is he! _ ”

  
  


There was only one bodyguard left at the door. “I’m sorry, Sir. He was taken away-”

  
  


“What do you mean taken away? He’s injured- they can’t take him away!”

  
  


Just when Yixing placed a palm over his shoulder and rubbed, the man Baekhyun remembered was Junmyeon appeared in the hallway. “They moved him to another hospital. The officers will stay with him until he’s ready to be discharged and then take him away.”

  
  


Baekhyun burst out in laughter, feeling every bit like he wanted to punch a wall- preferably, their faces. “Weren’t you supposed to keep a low-profile? How come- how come they’re here for him?  _ Which one of you- _ ”

  
  


“Someone leaked his location.” Yixing spoke. 

  
  


“Who knows about him being here?” Baekhyun knew very well who did, but he was just testing Chanyeol’s theory. “Only us here know-”

  
  


“Everyone at the mansion.” The doctor clarified, pulling his phone out. “Now that I think about it, it was really odd how their cars broke on their way to the hangar.”

  
  


“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asked, feeling like his head was about to burst. 

  
  


“Sehun, Jongin, Minseok and Kyungsoo were on their way when Chanyeol first made contact after arriving. He deemed he’d be able to take them all out and get injured- which is why he only contacted me when he arrived on the site. It’d take us two hours getting there, and he couldn’t call when his phone was tracked in the car. When he got there, it didn’t matter because he started fighting them- he called and put me on speaker after sharing his location. He didn’t mind getting injured- he  _ knew  _ he’d be injured but that he’d be able to get you out.”

  
  


Now  _ what _ ? Now did any of it matter when Chanyeol had been  _ taken away _ ? “Why didn’t you answer your phone right away then?”

  
  


The sigh Yixing let out didn’t sound like anything good was coming their way. “Their car broke, their phones stopped working- that’s what they told me when I returned to the mansion, and mine… it was hacked.”

  
  


“None of this is important.” None of it was. “We have to get Chanyeol out first, so what are our options?”

  
  


“If I may.” Junmyeon interrupted. “We need to work this out before thinking of how to get him out. How do we know who to trust first and who to work with?”

  
  


When Yixing sat on the bench and invited Baekhyun to do the same, the latter refused. “The mansion is not safe- I’ll take you elsewhere, Baekhyun. I have a place in mind to go and think of this, we can call his lawyer and see if he suggests anything from our side-”

  
  


Baekhyun held himself back from laughing in his face- how ridiculous. As if Baekhyun trusted him- as if Chanyeol didn’t just write on his hand not to trust Yixing and run away. “I just… I need to go to the bathroom and splash my face with some cold water, Yixing. I feel so dizzy from all of this…” And he had understood why Chanyeol spoke out loud in a room he believed was bugged- to make Yixing believe that he didn’t suspect him.

  
  


“Of course. Should I walk you there?”

  
  


“It’s okay.” Baekhyun massaged his temples, closing his eyes. “Your plan seems to be the best- I’ll wash my face and be back.”

  
  


And as he walked to the washroom, Baekhyun knew everything relied on him from now on.

  
  


Chanyeol’s plan sucked, and even though he had promised him he’d follow it, Baekhyun would not. He just needed the man to leave with a peaceful mind.

  
  


Not only that, but he needed to come up with a new plan.

  
  


Really, none of them could have given him a way to get Chanyeol out.

  
  


Didn’t they think of these things- didn’t they have emergency plans already in place?

  
  


_ Who to trust? _

  
  


_ Who to trust, Baekhyun? _

  
  
  


Just as Baekhyun turned to the left, engaging in the hallway where the toilets would be, he noticed a hand out of one room. Baekhyun froze in his spot, tried running away but it was too late. Whoever the hand belonged to pulled him in with such force, Baekhyun found himself against the wall with a hand against his mouth.

  
  


_ “Don’t make a sound.” _

  
  


He knew that voice- he knew that voice.

  
  


_ “I’m here to help you get Chanyeol out.” _

  
  


The moment the man lowered his face mask, Baekhyun’s eyes widened.

  
  


It was Minseok.

  
  


“What are you doing here-” How had he found him? “Why are-”

  
  


“We don’t have a lot of time, Baekhyun. Let’s just start planning-”

  
  


So everyone thought of him as a stupid, incompetent man? “How do I know which side you’re on?” He asked, watching as Minseok locked the door from the inside and pulled his phone out. “How can I trust you knowing there’s-”

  
  


_ “Knowing there’s a traitor, yes I know.” _

  
  


Looking at the door, Baekhyun knew he wouldn’t be able to escape from there. The window would be an option but considering the floor they were on… he’d drop dead for sure.

  
  


“I’m not the traitor.” Minseok said, looking very much annoyed. “I locked the door so people wouldn’t find us- not to keep you here against your will.”

  
  


“And how can you prove it? How can I know for sure because lately, everyone’s been telling me to trust them.”

  
  


For a moment, Minseok looked like he was going to say something. He bit his lower lip and sighed. “You don’t have much of a choice, right now. Who else can you trust?”

  
  


“Yixing.” Baekhyun answered like a fool, like Chanyeol hadn’t written on his hand to make a run for his life after pretending he wanted to go to the washroom.

  
  


That, Minseok seemed to know. “Does Chanyeol trust him?”

  
  


“Chanyeol doesn’t trust anyone.” Baekhyun coldly replied. “No one.”

  
  


“Not even you, Baekhyun?” He seemed so amused, like there was anything worth being amused in the situation.

  
  


“He does, of course he does-”

  
  


“What’s your proof, then? Because I’m getting a plan together to get him out and quite honestly, I don’t know whether or not to trust you.”

  
  


Baekhyun could not believe his ears. “I asked first- you pushed me in a room looking all suspicious and now you’re asking me to prove myself?” Was this man serious right now?

  
  


“Listen.” Minseok sighed like he had the right to. “I’m going forward with the plan with or without you. If you want in, I’ll take you. If you don’t, you’re free to go. I know that Chanyeol’s fond of you so I’m giving you a chance.”

  
  


“And how do I trust you?”

  
  


Minseok pulled his jacket open to reveal a gun. “If my intention was to kill you, I’d have done it minutes ago instead of childishly arguing whether or not you should trust me.”

  
  


He did have a point. And Baekhyun had no other option. But still. 

  
  


“Why do you want to help him out?”

  
  


“Because I’m- I’m his right-hand man, of course. What else?”

  
  


That didn’t sound all that convincing. “He’s precious to me. I’ve raised him practically like my son after his parents passed away.” Looking to the window, Minseok closed back his jacket. “What do you say? Are you in or not?”

  
  


_ As long as you’re in the hospital, you’re safe. Escape from one of the washroom’s windows and call a taxi. Go to the vacation house I took you to. In the library room, pull the 7th book from the 3rd row. It’s a secret passage. Stay in the house, and if you feel in danger, go there. Wait until I get to you. _

  
  


Chanyeol’s plan only protected Baekhyun. But Baekhyun didn’t want that.

  
  


Baekhyun wanted to get Chanyeol out.

  
  


Today too, he wouldn’t listen to what the mafia boss had told him.

  
  


He could only hope he was right this time.

  
  


_ “What’s your plan?” _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty-two years, ten months and a week old, he learned what being confused meant.

  
  


It meant three things; wondering about whether or not sex meant love, questioning his own actions’ morality, and coming to the conclusion that he had been confused for the sake of pushing away his emotions.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. What Love Means

“Are you sure about the cameras?”

  
  


Minseok looked across the room and signed for Baekhyun to stay quiet, putting the earphone back in his ear.

  
  


It had been a little over a month since he left the hospital with Minseok for a house outside the city.

  
  


It still tugged at Baekhyun’s heart every time he remembered that Chanyeol was now behind bars- it made him want to cry and blame himself all over again.

  
  


Surprisingly enough, Minseok was kind to console him every time, saying Baekhyun was working on getting him out now and had been doing his best. And to think they didn’t get along in the beginning.

  
  


It had been hard to trust him in the beginning, but Baekhyun did now. Not only had the man been sheltering him, feeding him and keeping him away from the real traitor, but he had waited patiently until Chanyeol’s hearing and trial had taken place and ended.

  
  


He had been found guilty of many crimes, and Baekhyun, although unwillingly, had heard that the mafia boss took the entire blame for all the men killed in the hangar. At that, Baekhyun had wanted to run to him- to ask why he did it.

  
  


_ Why did you take the blame for me? _

  
  


And yet again, Minseok had to keep reminding him that what was done was done. That what he needed to focus on right now was their plan.

  
  


The only odd thing Baekhyun found about the middle-aged man was the house in itself. 

  
  


Minseok used to live at the mansion, so he had no use for such a house. It was void- completely cold and unwelcoming. No pictures, minimal furniture, no traces of anything alive.

  
  


Baekhyun had asked him once  _ “Why aren’t you married?” _ and all Minseok had done was laugh and tell him to stop joking.  _ “But don’t you want children?” _

  
  


That question had made Minseok uncomfortable, and ever since, Baekhyun had stopped trying to get information out of him. Minseok didn’t ask about Baekhyun’s personal life, so Baekhyun respected his wishes and stopped.

  
  


“You have to listen to this.”

  
  


Baekhyun stood from the kitchen table chair and went over to where Minseok had his entire  _ hacking  _ equipment.

  
  


Yeah. The man apparently specialised in hacking and bugging.

  
  


“What is it- what did you find?”

  
  


Minseok offered an earphone to Baekhyun and clicked on the space bar.

  
  


_ “Sir, what should be our next move?” _

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know that voice. “What’s-”

  
  


The older simply shushed him and told him to continue listening.

  
  


_ “The next move is taking Chanyeol’s life.” _

  
  


The moment the sentence was spoken, Baekhyun pulled the earphone out of his ear. “I- I know this voice- it’s-”

  
  


“Jongin.” Minseok completed, heaving a breath. “It’s Jongin.”

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t believe it. No matter how much Chanyeol and him talked about the fact that there was a traitor, now with Minseok- Baekhyun was convinced of it, so why was it shocking?

  
  


He knew it was someone from the mansion and yet….

  
  


“But why?” It made no sense. “What does he have against Chanyeol- or me?” Baekhyun had never done anything to upset the man. He barely ever exchanged more than a few words when he saw him, and as with everyone else, Baekhyun always remained polite. “You know what- this isn’t important. Let’s just focus on Chanyeol because quite frankly, I’m not very happy about his tone.”

  
  


“Wait a second.” Minseok interrupted, pulling his computer over the table Baekhyun was seated at. “He’s been communicating with Mal-Chin’s men for the past two months. All I found was the communications and the plans they’ve been making- unless…”

  
  


“Unless what?”

  
  


“This son of a bitch- if that’s it then-”

  
  


“Minseok, for the love of God, I’ve been through enough. Just spill.”

  
  


When the computer screen was turned to Baekhyun, all he could see was an identification sheet. Jongin’s.

  
  


“What about it, Minseok?”

  
  


With a hand over his forehead, Minseok looked like he deeply regretted many things. “Look at his face, Baekhyun. Doesn’t he remind you of anyone?”

  
  


“No? He looks like Jongin, the man I used to see at the mansion-”

  
  


“No. Look closer at his face.”

  
  


Baekhyun shrugged- he had seen his face often at the mansion. “I’m honestly not up for charades, you know? I want to get this done with so we can-”

  
  


_ “He looks like Mal-Chin.” _

  
  


Almost dropping his glass of water, Baekhyun swallowed the last sip and placed it back far away from the computer. “You’re not saying….”

  
  


“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  
  


No. That made even less sense. “Mal-Chin wasn’t married- he didn’t have children either.”

  
  


“That’s what you were  _ told _ .”

  
  


“You think it makes sense? Lying about a hidden son?”

  
  


The way Minseok laughed made Baekhyun uncomfortable.

  
  


“You have no idea what people can lie about. I know from experience- from seeing people do it. It’s so common in the Mafia, you wouldn’t even believe it.”

  
  


Why Jongin, had he really been Mal-Chin’s son, wanted to kill him made sense- he was the supposed betrayer. Why even he wanted Chanyeol dead, Baekhyun understood too since the mafia boss had killed his father. 

  
  


“I don’t think it’s his son- he barged in with Sehun and Chanyeol and witnessed the man getting shot in the head without doing a single thing. Does it make any sense?”

  
  
  


Minseok left his seat to go behind the kitchen counter, grabbed a glass and started filling it with water. “Who tells you whether or not they had a good relationship? The way I see it, getting rid of Mal-Chin ensured Jongin at the head of the group. Now getting rid of Chanyeol also makes sense- he’s the biggest and most recognised mafia boss in the city, meaning he’s the biggest competition to Jongin had he really taken his father’s group.”

  
  


Just the moment Baekhyun was about to ask if children could be this cruel, he remembered his parents. How could parents be this cruel?

  
  


Perhaps it was the same answer. Perhaps Mal-Chin had done something to his son.

  
  


Or perhaps Jongin valued power over blood.

  
  


“We have to act quickly, Minseok. They’re- they’re going after Chanyeol.”

  
  


“In two days, Baekhyun.” The older reminded. “He’s being moved in two days. That’s when we go.”

  
  


This plan, they had worked on it for over a month. It was all they had, and Baekhyun wouldn’t let it fail. “Are you sure about the cameras?”

  
  


Closing the computer, Minseok nodded. “The same way I got you out of the hospital playing with the security cameras, I’ll get in for Chanyeol.”

  
  


Sometimes, Baekhyun wondered just how Minseok was this knowledgeable when it came to the skills he kept showing. Surely enough, he had been part of Chanyeol’s organisation for almost ten years, but something told him this man knew more than he showed.

  
  


_ “Were you in the Mafia before meeting Chanyeol?” _ Baekhyun had once asked.

  
  


_ “No.” _ Had been Minseok’s answer, and Baekhyun still remembered how quickly he changed the topic.

  
  


There was definitely something suspicious about him, but so far, Baekhyun didn’t think it was going to impact Chanyeol. All he wanted was to get the man out of prison.

  
  


Whether Minseok shared his personal life with Baekhyun or not, it wasn’t their biggest problem.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The day finally came.

  
  


Baekhyun was ready and awaiting Minseok’s final instructions before proceeding with the agreed plan. His hands were sweaty, and his legs, unable to rest.

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t mess this up- he couldn’t mess this up.

  
  


It had been enough to mess things up and indirectly send Chanyeol to prison. This time, he only had one chance.

  
  


When Minseok finally came out, he looked like he had a lot to say. “You’re putting everything on the line for him, you know that?”

  
  


“I know.” He had known that months ago.

  
  


“Why?”

  
  


_ “Because I love him.” _

  
  


This time, it wasn’t scary. It wasn’t scary to think it and feel it and say it. With just that thought, Baekhyun felt less scared. He was going because he loved Chanyeol.

  
  


Because just like Chanyeol risked everything for him and took the blame for what Baekhyun had done, Baekhyun was ready to do the same for him.

  
  


For a reason he couldn’t understand, Minseok’s smile was glued to his face like a second skin. Baekhyun had to ask.

  
  


“Why are you smiling?”

  
  


The middle-aged man shrugged, grabbing his bag from the floor before motioning for Baekhyun to follow him. “I’m happy for you.”

  
  


Since when was Minseok emotionally involved in Baekhyun’s love life?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


No matter how much Minseok had told Baekhyun that the earpiece was too small to be seen, Baekhyun panicked it over. It was the tiniest of things Baekhyun had seen, it was inside his ear and not visible unless someone pulled it out, but that didn’t make Baekhyun any less stressed.

  
  


This plan, he had recited it thousands of times. Alone. With Minseok. He knew it. He knew it even with his eyes closed.

  
  


_ “You can do it.” _ Minseok encouraged in the earpiece.  _ “You’re smart and capable, Baekhyun. Let’s go.” _

  
  


For Chanyeol. All he was here for was Chanyeol.

  
  


Baekhyun stepped into the prison center, hands cold and freezing.

  
  


_ You can do it. _

  
  


_ You’ve saved Chanyeol’s life once. _

  
  


_ You can do it. _

  
  


_ “Hello, what can I do for you today?” _

  
  


“Hello.” Baekhyun bowed, greeting the lady behind the counter. “I’m here to report an incident.”

  
  


“Sir, this isn’t the right place. You need to head to the police station for these-”

  
  


“It’s an incident regarding one of the people here.” Baekhyun interrupted, trying to keep his cool. “I- I really need to speak to an officer- or the director, perhaps? It’s very serious and I don’t think you’ll want to miss on this.”

  
  


The lady passed a hand over her bangs and hummed. “I’ll make a call and get back to you. Just a moment please.”

  
  


_ “Any computer you put your hands on is okay, Baekhyun.” _ Came Minseok’s voice in his ear again.  _ “You’re doing great.” _

  
  


“Sir, there’s someone available for your matter. Please follow me.”

  
  


So he followed, mindful of his facial expressions and where his hands went. They had cameras all over the place, and he couldn’t seem suspicious.

  
  


_ Focus, Baekhyun. _

  
  


The office Baekhyun entered looked every bit like an old and cheap one. It smelled of cigarettes and beer and it reminded him of his father.

  
  


_ Focus. _

  
  


“Have a seat.” The old man said, stretching his hands over his head. “I hear you’re here to report an incident?”

  
  


“Yes, Sir.” Baekhyun nodded, hiding his hands in his lap. “My friend’s husband is serving time here, and he’s told her horrible news. He doesn’t want to tell anyone here directly in fear his inmates will turn on him.”

  
  


“I see, I see.” The man cleared his throat, making a disgusting, wet sound. “What’s his name?”

  
  


“Byung Chul.”

  
  


“Give me a second.”

  
  


_ “I’ll fire in 30 seconds.” _ Minseok startled him, but Baekhyun passed it as a yawn, biting the inside of his cheek.

  
  


Please make it work.

  
  


_ Please make it work.  _ He turned to God another time.

  
  


_ You saved us multiple times. Please help me out. _

  
  


_ “Remember you have to be startled by the sound too.” _

  
  


“I do see a Byung Chul here… what has happened with this man?”

  
  


Baekhyun nodded, looking down to his hands. “It all started when-”

  
  


Baekhyun jumped at the noise, hand going over his heart. 

  
  


“What was that?” The old man stopped, standing up. “Did you hear it too?”

  
  


“I- I did…” He pretended to be scared. “W- What’s happening, Sir?”

  
  


Just as Minseok expected, someone came barging in the room. “Someone fired inside the reception center, Sir!”

  
  


“Is anyone hurt?” He walked over to her, forgetting where Baekhyun was sitting, forgetting the computer wide open on the desk.

  
  


“No one got hurt- but-”

  
  


_ This is it. _

  
  


Baekhyun pulled the extremely small USB flash drive from his sleeve and plugged it in the computer.

  
  


_ “I’m in, Baekhyun. Distract them for another ten seconds and I’ll be connected to the security system.” _

  
  


Pulling his best actor game, Baekhyun dropped to the floor and started screaming, hiding his head under his hands while he begged for help.

  
  


“Sir- Sir! We have to get out of here!” The woman at the reception kneeled to assist him. “We can’t stay inside, we must leave!”

  
  


How he managed to cry and beg for them to save his life, he didn’t know. 

  
  


_ “I’m in, Baekhyun! You can get out now. Follow their directives and get out, hurry up!” _

  
  


While both the man and woman went out carefully, speaking into their walkie-talkies, Baekhyun heard that the shooter had not been located.

  
  


“I- I don’t feel safe here at all!” Baekhyun sobbed, shaking his head. “I wanted to be here for Byung-Chul but-”

  
  


When he spotted people running in all directions, Baekhyun let go of the ones holding him and ran towards the entrance where he came from.

  
  


The screaming could be heard from the outside, the alarm sirens just the same.

  
  


Baekhyun reached the car the calmest he had been in forever.

  
  


They were in- Minseok would be able to play with the security cameras and get Chanyeol out. All he had now left to do was wait patiently in the car until Minseok came out from the secret exit, carrying an unconscious Chanyeol in a bag while everyone else, panicked and scared, looked for the shooter.

  
  


He could have called for Minseok in the earpiece, but Baekhyun knew better than to bother him. Minseok’s job was much,  _ much  _ harder than his.

  
  


_ Please let them be out quickly. _

  
  


_ Please. _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  
  
  


The minute Baekhyun recognised Minseok in his correctional officer costume, his heart dropped. Except he didn’t have Chanyeol in a bag, but on a stretcher and judging from the look of it, he had placed things over the bag hiding his body to make it look like a normal delivery.

  
  


Minseok was quick to get Chanyeol in the car and push his bag inside with him as he took the passenger seat next to Baekhyun.  _ “Drive!” _

  
  


He had repeated this plan thousands of times, and yet, his hands trembled against the wheel. It was yet again all on him- he was responsible now.

  
  


So Baekhyun stepped on the gas and exited the parking lot. “Did you put his seatbelt on?”

  
  


“Of course.” Was Minseok’s short answer as he typed furiously on the computer laid on his thighs. “Just keep driving like we said. I don’t mind where we go, just keep the car on the road, okay? Go straight ahead- that’s easier. Just keep going straight ahead until I figure this out.”

  
  


Baekhyun focused on the road ahead of him. He wanted to look at Chanyeol’s face in the rear mirror, but he knew now was not the time. One mistake and they’d lose it all.

  
  


As per the plan, Minseok was hacking every single security camera they passed near- he hacked in their system and erased the data, making sure no one knew of their faces nor their car.

  
  


It stressed him so much he wanted to cry- he knew what they had to do. He was doing well, and yet, he wanted to cry.

  
  


They were just rolling on the streets freely where anyone could spot them.

  
  


“Almost done. You’re doing great, Baekhyun. Continue straight ahead.”

  
  


So he did- Baekhyun drove and drove and drove, ignoring the ball of anxiety in his stomach. Now was not the time to have an anxiety attack- oh dear God, no.

  
  


No-  _ no, no, no _ -

  
  


“See that seafood restaurant over there?” Minseok pulled him out of his thoughts. “To the right in about two hundred meters?”

  
  


“Yes.”

  
  


“There’s a parking lot from the back. I want you to park there.”

  
  


This wasn’t in the plan.  _ “What?” _

  
  


“It’s easier if I drive.” Minseok replied as Baekhyun immobilised the car at a red light. “It’s easier than telling you the directions.”

  
  


“But what about the cameras-”

  
  


“I can stop erasing here. They’ll never find where we came from to begin with, so we should be safe.”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t like the idea, but still went with it. “It’s not all that safe, though-”

  
  


“I know.” Minseok interrupted. “I’ll take care of the remaining ones when I drop you at the safe house.”

  
  


Running from the driver’s seat to the passenger one, Baekhyun felt immense relief. He could rest his hands- his mind. He could look at Chanyeol and take a deep breath.

  
  


How Minseok did it, Baekhyun had no idea.

  
  


He was relieved, yes, but they still had to get to the safe house in question.

  
  


They were so close.

  
  


_ Just a little more. _

  
  


They needed just a little more.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun wanted to ask questions- he wanted to ask whether or not the safe house was still far away and how long they needed to get there and what they should do once inside.

  
  


He wanted to, but Minseok was focused.

  
  


It was only when he saw Chanyeol moving in the back seat that he remembered.

  
  


_ “I’ll shoot him with a tranquilizer once I get to his cell.” _

  
  


_ “What?” _

  
  


_ “I won’t have time to explain everything and make him trust me and convince him that you’re with me on this- I’ll barely have minutes to get him out, Baekhyun. It’s not dangerous- he’ll just be out for about an hour.” _

  
  


The mafia boss was starting to open his eyes and Baekhyun, in an effort not to startle him, turned slowly to look at him.

  
  


“What…” Chanyeol trailed, bringing a hand to the back of his head. “What-  _ Baekhyun _ ?”

  
  


“Don’t be scared.” Baekhyun eased, placing a hand on his thigh. “We came to get you out- we’re out of prison, Chanyeol.” 

  
  


Chanyeol blinked several times before looking to his left, his right, and straight ahead of him. “How did you-” He stopped, looking at Minseok’s face. “What are you doing with him- why am I-”

  
  


“It’s a long story.” The oldest replied, giving him one look in the rear mirror. “We’ve been planning on how to get you out of prison for a month.”

  
  


The mafia boss straight up ignored him. “Baekhyun- Baekhyun, didn’t I tell you to go to the vacation house? Why- I told you not to trust anyone-”

  
  


“I know.” He knew, and yet. “But I wasn’t going to leave you in prison, and Minseok had been coming up with something, so…”

  
  


It looked like Chanyeol was about to get another headache, and quite frankly, Baekhyun understood. “I- what’s the plan now? Because my lawyer can get me a short sentence-”

  
  


“You’d get an even shorter sentence, in fact.” Minseok humored, shaking his head. “You’ll get killed before you can even spend another month there, you know that?”

  
  


Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun. “What’s he saying?”

  
  


Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun laid his head back. “Jongin’s the traitor. He’s planning on killing you now- he’s also Mal-Chin’s son according to our estimations-”

  
  


_ “Son?” _

  
  


It must have been a lot of information all at once… Baekhyun felt bad for dumping it all on him. “Mal-Chin had a hidden son. We think Jongin wanted to be at the head of Mal-Chin’s group but that either Mal-Chin didn’t recognise him as one of his own, or that he wanted the power for a longer time and that didn’t sit well with him.”

  
  


“Why go after you, then?” Chanyeol asked, closing back his eyes. “It makes no sense.”

  
  


“To get you somewhere they wanted.” Came Minseok’s answer. “You kept going out all the time, that wasn’t their target. What they wanted was you alone in a place that’s specific for them.” Minseok paused. “You’re Jongin’s biggest competition. Of course he’d want you dead.”

  
  


When Chanyeol stopped asking and answering, Baekhyun understood he needed a minute. So turning to look at him, he admired the face he hadn’t seen in so long.

  
  


The face of the man who had reached in his heart and touched something Baekhyun swore no one ever would.

  
  


The most important person to him in this world.

  
  


“Where are we going?” Chanyeol asked, biting back a yawn. “And why was I unconscious?”

  
  


“To the safe house.” Minseok answered, telling Baekhyun to reach inside the bag at his feet and get a water bottle out for Chanyeol. “And I had to shoot you with a tranquilizer.”

  
  


_ “You what?” _

  
  


“It’s a long story, just try to get some sleep for now and Baekhyun will explain it all later. We have a little while to go, and your body’s still going to feel off for a while. Sleep, we’ll wake you up when you get there.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


By the time they arrived at the safe house, Chanyeol was awake again.

  
  


Minseok helped get Chanyeol out of the car while Baekhyun supported him on the other side. The mafia boss was still dizzy, but at the very least, he could walk.

  
  


“Do as I told you.” He addressed Baekhyun, grabbing the car keys in a hurry. “Don’t be too long. You’ll need time to get there.”

  
  


Somewhere on the couch, Chanyeol was still rubbing his temples.

  
  


“You remember how, right?”

  
  


“I do.” Baekhyun did- had been told along their plan another thousand times what he had to do once in the safe house.

  
  


“I’ll get going then.” The oldest announced, bowing to both Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “Take good care of him.”

  
  


And just like that, Minseok was out of the door, leaving the pair on their own.

  
  


Moving to the kitchen, Baekhyun brought a bag over his shoulder with him and opened the fridge. “We’re moving soon again, Chanyeol. Go to the bathroom if you need to and come get a bite, we need to be on the move in half an hour.”

  
  


Chanyeol finally looked awake enough, but his expression was more than a little lost. “On the move?”

  
  


Water bottles, snacks, tissues, first aid kit and the flashlights. What else did they need? “Yeah, the passage- don’t you know about it?” He had to. “Minseok said you did for sure…” Baekhyun muttered, pulling out more water bottles. “It’s not important. I know about it and I’m taking you-”

  
  


_ “Wait.” _

  
  


“Yeah?” Where were the other snacks-

  
  


“Did you say the  _ passage _ ?”

  
  


“Yes, I did. Now can you please go to the washroom like I asked because it’s going to be a few hours of walking so-”

  
  


“ _ Minseok _ told you about it?”

  
  


“Yes?” Why in the world was Chanyeol acting like Baekhyun just spoke a foreign language? “Yes, Chanyeol. We’re at the safe house and Minseok told me to go through the secret passage. He said you knew about it, but I see that perhaps the tranquilizer’s effects have still… not faded.”

  
  


“That’s not possible.” Chanyeol chuckled, grabbing the bag Baekhyun was filling with necessities to look at him like a mad man. “Minseok can’t have told you that- Minseok doesn’t know about the passage.”

  
  


“He does.” Baekhyun scratched his nape, wondering what had gotten into the man. “He told me it was behind the library room just like the one in the vacation house was-” Chanyeol didn’t look well. Chanyeol looked like he had just seen a ghost.

  
  


“No- no, Baekhyun. You must be mistaken, right? He said to go to the safe house and hide there, right? He didn’t talk about the passage, right?”

  
  


“He did.”  _ What was happening? _ “He did, Chanyeol- I’m sure he did. Why…. why is it a big deal?”

  
  


Refusing to believe it, Chanyeol shook his head. “Minseok doesn’t know- how can he know? The only people who know… you must have heard it wrong- maybe you got it confused with when I told you to escape in the hospital? I- I told you about the secret passage in that house, right? You- you must have remembered-”

  
  


Why Chanyeol was making such a big deal of this, Baekhyun didn’t know. He didn’t know, but he knew he was not crazy. “Walk all the way until you find two separate roads. Pick the right one. Continue until you find another. This time, choose the left one. Once you’re there, thirty steps away from-”

  
  


Chanyeol dropped the glass on the floor.

  
  


_ “Chanyeol!” _

  
  


The man in question told him to stay in his place. “Are you sure? Are you sure  _ Minseok  _ said that?”

  
  


“Of course- I heard him. He taught me the sequence while we prepared for the plan.”

  
  


Walking away from the mess on the floor, Chanyeol crossed his hands over his head. “This makes no sense- this makes no sense.”

  
  


A little scared for him, Baekhyun walked the other way around the counter and joined him. “What’s wrong?” Chanyeol didn’t jump at the touch on his shoulder, but he looked every bit like a scared kitten.

  
  


“The only people who know about the passage in  _ this  _ house are me and my late parents.”

  
  


Baekhyun tried not to let the shivers get to his head. “Perhaps you’ve told him and can’t remember? He’s your right-hand man after all-”

  
  


“No.” Chanyeol shook his head. “I’ve never even repeated the passage’s sequence out loud- I haven’t told anyone.”

  
  


“You told me about the vacation house.” Baekhyun tried, thinking the tranquilizer must have messed with Chanyeol’s head. “Maybe you don’t remember-”

  
  


“The one in the vacation house is simply to hide. This one… this one leads somewhere.” Chanyeol ended up taking a seat on the couch’s hand rest, eyes closed as his fists gripped the couch. “This one, I’m supposed to go through it if I have no other choice- my mother made me learn this by heart. Every-” His voice cracked, and Baekhyun felt his heart tug when Chanyeol wiped his tears. “Every morning and night, she’d made me recite it- said if I was ever in danger and couldn’t protect myself, I had to go through it and that someone would find me at the end of it and help me. It was a secret-” He looked at Baekhyun with fresh tears down his cheeks. “Only me, her and my father knew about this. I wouldn’t trust anyone with it but you- how come he knows?”

  
  


Bringing Chanyeol’s head to his chest, Baekhyun rubbed his nape. “Perhaps your parents told Minseok a long time ago? Just in case you needed assistance?”

  
  


“Minseok arrived in the organisation after they passed away.”

  
  


The more Chanyeol talked, the more Baekhyun was starting to feel odd. It had not been the first time he found Minseok’s behavior weird, but each time, he couldn’t explain it. And in a way, it didn’t matter because all he wanted was to get Chanyeol out safely.

  
  


Still, stressing Chanyeol with more information right now was not the answer. “Listen.” Baekhyun soothed, passing a hand over his back. “Now this is not what’s important. We have to quickly get ready and move- the rest of the organisation knows about this house.”

  
  


And then something dawned upon Baekhyun. “Chanyeol…”

  
  


The mafia boss looked up like he wasn’t ready to hear any more bad news.

  
  


“What if Minseok’s the traitor?” It made no sense, but nothing had been making any sense lately. “What if?”

  
  


This time, Chanyeol shook his head, chewing on his lower lip. “Why would he get me out and keep you safe? He wouldn’t have any reason to invent a whole story about Jongin and get me out when I could have been left there to be killed.”

  
  


No indeed, it made no sense.

  
  


“But you’re right.” Chanyeol heaved a breath and grabbed one of Baekhyun’s palms. “For now, this isn’t the most urgent thing to do.”

  
  


It wasn’t.

  
  


It wasn’t, but who in the world was Kim Minseok?

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“Let’s stop here.”

  
  


They had been walking for what now, an hour? Two, perhaps? Baekhyun didn’t know.

  
  


He didn’t know and they had no way of knowing, being in an underground tunnel with nothing to tell the time.

  
  


“Shouldn’t we continue a little more?” Baekhyun asked, although relieved at the mention of stopping. The trip had been exhausting so far, and he hadn’t allowed Chanyeol to carry the bag.

  
  


The man had been stabbed months ago and shot just recently. He had been discharged from the hospital, but Baekhyun’s mind wasn’t at peace. Just hours ago, Minseok had shot him with a tranquilizer.

  
  


It had been enough.

  
  


“We won’t get there in just a day, we should stop and rest for a little.”

  
  


It was a relief that the tunnel had been made large and long enough, allowing them to walk comfortably one next to the other. Sitting down, Baekhyun opened his backpack and pulled a water bottle out, offering it to Chanyeol.

  
  


“I’m fine.” The mafia boss refused. “You drink.”

  
  


Still as silly. Still thinking of Baekhyun before thinking of himself.

  
  


“I brought plenty of water.” Baekhyun revealed, opening the bag in his direction to look. “Get something to drink and stop being stubborn.”

  
  


The little smile on Chanyeol’s face was worth the teasing. “Are you sure the food is edible? I haven’t had someone look at the safe house for a long time.”

  
  


“I found them in the fridge, in a bag with the bill. They were bought yesterday.”

  
  


In the time they walked, Chanyeol had stopped thinking about Minseok and the questions he couldn’t answer. He stopped talking about it, but it kept bothering Baekhyun.

  
  


“Minseok must have bought them if he knew we were coming.” Baekhyun replied, watching Chanyeol’s expression turn sour. “I think you should trust him- he’s been keeping me safe and got you out risking a lot.”

  
  


“Yeah…” He trailed, sitting down on the floor. “You’re probably right. Let’s stop thinking about it and sleep for a little. You look tired.”

  
  


And as much as Baekhyun missed him and wanted to sleep next to him, he understood Chanyeol’s disrupted mind.

  
  


Later.

  
  


He’d tell him later.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


When Baekhyun started gaining consciousness again, it wasn’t the cold floor that met his head. It was someone’s arm.

  
  


And behind him was not the hard wall, it was a warm chest.

  
  


Turning around, Baekhyun found Chanyeol cuddling him from behind.

  
  


_ When had he moved? _

  
  


“Finally up?”

  
  


Baekhyun tried getting up only to be pulled back against Chanyeol’s chest.

  
  


“Where are you going?” The mafia boss whined, tightening his grip around Baekhyun. “We just woke up, why are you getting up again?”

  
  


“We still have a lot left to walk, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun tried reasoning only to be met with the same resistance. “Let’s get up and-”

  
  


“Lie with me for a little. Just a little and then we’ll get up.”

  
  


Giving in, Baekhyun let himself be embraced and snuggled a little closer to the man holding him.

  
  


Chanyeol had lost weight. His body looked weaker than Baekhyun remembered it- broad, muscled and fit. For a moment, Baekhyun thought he had gotten sick until Chanyeol reminded him that he had been shot instead.

  
  


There was still a lot on his mind- a lot he had not said yet and a lot he had promised himself he would say if they got out of their circumstances alive.

  
  


And he had prayed- Baekhyun had promised that if Chanyeol lived in the car on his way to the hospital, if they were successful in getting him out of prison, that he’d tell him.

  
  


He promised to tell him about the things he was still scared of. To tell him how he had felt that first time seeing him and how he felt right now.

  
  


He promised to ask him questions-  _ why are you interested in me? _

  
  


“You know.” Baekhyun started, pushing his head away from Chanyeol’s chest. “I think that game we played back in the vacation house was really nice.”

  
  


“You wanna ask things, don’t you?”

  
  


“You can ask too- you said let’s rest for a little. Why not play?”

  
  


“Fine, fine.” The mafia boss agreed, pushing Baekhyun’s hair out of his face. “You go first.”

  
  


Baekhyun wanted to start slow. “Why didn’t you tell me you don’t like hand watches when I offered you one in the hospital?”

  
  


The laugh Chanyeol let out explained… a lot of things. “It was a gift from you. You even got kidnapped  _ and  _ killed people just because you went out to get it for me- I mean it’d be pretty asshole of me to tell you then that I don’t like watches.”

  
  


“Weird way of saying you care about me, but okay.”

  
  


Chanyeol hid in his neck and blew air, prompting Baekhyun to push him away. “Stop it- it tickles!” 

  
  


When Chanyeol grabbed him back and pulled him in, Baekhyun got to see his face again. “It came from you… it was precious to me. It meant you were thinking about me.”

  
  


Somewhere in the back of his mind, Baekhyun heard a voice saying this was dangerous. That being close like this was dangerous. Except it wasn’t as loud as it used to be. Baekhyun could beat it this time.

  
  


“My turn. Have you thought about what I told you in the hospital?”

  
  


“No.” Was Baekhyun’s quick answer, and when he saw Chanyeol’s face falling, he thought maybe teasing him wasn’t worth it. “No, because I already had an answer but you told me to wait and think of it and I wanted to respect your wishes.”

  
  


_ “What is it, then?” _

  
  


It had taken a long time to come to this conclusion- to acknowledge it, even. But Baekhyun knew now that he could trust this man, no matter how scared he had been of his father and all the others who came after and disappointed him.

  
  


Chanyeol was not scary, and he definitely was worth trusting.

  
  


“You’ve been in my heart for a while. I just didn’t know it until recently.”

  
  


This time, Baekhyun let himself be kissed and held. This time, Baekhyun kissed back with his entire heart- he kissed and kissed and kissed.

  
  


They had kissed before, they had even had sex for weeks. Chanyeol had seen him naked and had taken him to bed. Chanyeol had gone in the shower with him and had sat with him and watched him cry.

  
  


But this time, Baekhyun felt just a little more at ease. He had confirmation that all these things had not meant nothing, and that Chanyeol was genuinely interested in him.

  
  


“Was that a yes?”

  
  


“Did it look like a no?” Baekhyun threw back, happy at the kiss he received on his cheek. “What about when you got stabbed and confessed you liked me and days later you said you were under medication and rectified that you were… only interested in me as a friend?”

  
  


Chanyeol turned to lie on his back and stared at the ceiling. “We could pretend that it never happened and move on-”

  
  


“I wanna know.” The younger insisted, placing a palm over Chanyeol’s chest. “It really took me by surprise.”

  
  


“I felt like I made you uncomfortable. We needed to be friends first to become anything more, so I swallowed my words.”

  
  


“I…” It hadn’t made him  _ uncomfortable _ . “It made me flustered more than uncomfortable.”

  
  


The side smile on Chanyeol’s mouth had never looked this attractive. “So when did you realise you liked me?”

  
  


“Will you be upset if I say I don’t… really know?”

  
  


In answer, Chanyeol turned to place a hand over Baekhyun’s waist. “No, I’m just curious.”

  
  


When had it been? Before the kidnapping that was for sure. 

  
  


Had it been when Chanyeol took him to the vacation house? Was it the night they had outside on the hills or the nights they spent in bed?

  
  


Or did he perhaps realise it much later, when Chanyeol had to leave their little artificial paradise and go back to real life?

  
  


Had it been during the two months he had waited for him?

  
  


Or perhaps, even before. Could it have been when Baekhyun worried over Chanyeol the day he arrived at the mansion stabbed?

  
  


“I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but I know it took me a long time to warm up to you. I-” It was okay to talk about it now. He had shared a little long ago, and Chanyeol, Baekhyun deemed, deserved to know today. “It’s been so long since I’ve had contact with my father- or even my mother.” The psychology books held her just as responsible. Neglecting a child was a form of abuse just as much as physical or mental abuse was. “It’s… hard for me to trust people. I always feel like they’re after me for a reason- like it’s not authentic. It’s hard for me to believe that people genuinely want good things to happen to me.”

  
  


At this, Chanyeol turned his head and caressed Baekhyun’s cheek, running his thumb over the younger’s cheek gently. “What did you think was my reason for approaching you?”

  
  


Saying it now felt ridiculous- impossible to believe there ever was a time Baekhyun had entertained that thought. “I thought you wanted me to be your whore. That you were being nice because- I don’t know quite frankly. Maybe you felt bad or maybe you were just playing a sick game before getting to what you wanted. That’s… that’s what I thought.”

  
  


“And now?” Chanyeol asked, palm still around his cheek. “What thoughts do you entertain nowadays?”

  
  


Placing a hand over the one on his face, Baekhyun smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this safe through my entire life. And there’s a person I want to protect more than myself.”

  
  


Chanyeol pulled the smaller against his chest and kept him there. “Is this why you didn’t listen to my plan?”

  
  


“Your plan sucked.”

  
  


The mafia boss’ laugh vibrated through his body, shaking Baekhyun who was glued to him. “It sucked because you just wanted me to stay safe. What  _ I  _ wanted was to get you out safely.”

  
  


“You once again didn’t listen to what I said.”

  
  


With him, it wasn’t this scary. In the beginning, he had been terrified over being found in the kitchen eating at odd hours of the night. Now, he didn’t mind teasing him- and he wasn’t so afraid of the consequences the same way he had always been with people around him every time he made the mistake of saying his opinion.

  
  


And perhaps he kept this question for the absolute ending… because it mattered the most to him.

  
  


“I have one last thing to ask you.”

  
  


Whatever the answer was, Baekhyun wanted to know. Had wanted to ever since Chanyeol shot Mal-Chin dead and ran to cover his nakedness.

  
  


“Go ahead.”

  
  


“Why me?” He asked, slowly sitting up with his back to the wall opposite to Chanyeol’s. “Why were you interested in me from the beginning?”

  
  


Baekhyun was not an out of the ordinary person- his looks were not exceptional, he had no impressive background. His background was horrifying, to put it the least.

  
  


It couldn’t be his flirting skills, because he had none. What else had he done? Avoided Chanyeol like the plague, constantly bothered him and got him in trouble?

  
  


Chanyeol mimicked Baekhyun’s actions and glued his back to the wall, spreading his legs to sit comfortably. “You remind me of my mother.”

  
  


For a moment, Baekhyun thought Chanyeol was not going to elaborate. But he did. “Not once did I see her unhappy- she was a literal ray of sunshine. I thought people like that couldn’t exist- she was the proof. Even with my father gone most of the time, even considering his job, she was always happy in front of me.”

  
  


Even without Chanyeol saying it, Baekhyun knew that couldn’t be. No such person existed. 

  
  


“It was after their death that I came to learn the truth. My mother was a prostitute.”

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t believe his ears.

  
  


“She was a prostitute for my father.”

  
  


“Is that why I remind you of her?”

  
  


This time, the mafia boss shook his head. “That’s not why. Only after going through their things did I come to the conclusion that my mother worked as a mere prostitute for my father before he fell in love with her. Thinking of it, even now- even ten years later- still makes no sense to me. Learning that she had a shitty life before meeting my father, that her family was horrible to her- my mother who had nothing but a smile on her face and a warm embrace to hold me whenever I needed her… and to think I had no idea.”

  
  


Instead of interrupting, Baekhyun let the older man reunite his thoughts to continue.

  
  


“Learning that made me realise how wrong I was- not because she was a prostitute, that was her business, not mine. But to think she had no choice but to turn to prostitution after leaving her family makes me upset just as much as sad. She used to tell me they lived far, far away abroad and yet I whined that I wanted to see them-”

  
  


When his voice cracked, Baekhyun scooted over and placed a hand over his knee. “You didn’t know.”

  
  


“I wish I had spent more time with them. My father was always away, but her… she was always home and yet, I kept going out to have fun with my friends and flirt and fuck left and right thinking  _ that  _ was the life.”

  
  


For some reason, watching Chanyeol talk this way made Baekhyun yet again realise that he was human- that him being a mafia boss didn’t mean he had suddenly turned into a rock. So Baekhyun, as best as he knew, pulled him over his chest and rubbed his back.

  
  


It was a little awkward as Baekhyun didn’t know much about love. He didn’t know how to receive it nor how to give it, but he knew that what Chanyeol had been doing for him was out of love.

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t know yet how to comfort him, but he knew that when he had killed the men who threatened to touch Chanyeol, he had done it out of love.

  
  


To receive it, he still was learning- every day. And to give it, that too, he was still figuring it out.

  
  


For someone who had grown without it, Baekhyun could only hope he’d grow familiar with it.

  
  


_ “But that’s still not the reason why.” _

  
  


Chanyeol dried his tears with the back of his sleeve and sat back in place. “You fascinated me in the beginning- I wanted to know what was your deal and why you were the way you were because I knew, from my mother, that there was always more to a person than they let on. I wanted to know what you kept hidden.”

  
  


“Well, you’re not in luck. I’m not that interesting.” Baekhyun tried making the mood lighter only for Chanyeol to disagree.

  
  


“You are, actually. If you let me close to you, it means I’m someone worthy. You don’t let people anywhere near you, do you?”

  
  


Indeed, Baekhyun didn’t. “No, I don’t. People… scare me.” He replied, handing Chanyeol a tissue to blow his nose. “I’m a little scared of being broken beyond repair.”

  
  


Chanyeol turned to face him, took one, two, three breaths and pulled Baekhyun over his lap, settling the younger over his thighs with hands on his waist. “You aren’t. You aren’t broken beyond repair, Baekhyun.”

  
  


“Then what am I?”

  
  


Squeezing over his shirt, Chanyeol kept playing with his waist. “You just need a little more love- a little more coaxing and a little more reassurance.”

  
  


“And why would anyone want to put up with that?” He asked, placing his hands on Chanyeol’s shoulders. “Can you imagine the amount of work that is? You’re saying that because we haven’t spent long periods of time together, but just wait until that happens… you’ll lose your mind.”

  
  


“I’m willing.” Chanyeol courageously answered. “It’s okay if I lose my mind, just make sure you’re here to make me lose it, then.”

  
  


“You’re  _ ridiculous _ .”

  
  


“No but really, Baekhyun.” The older insisted, bringing him closer to his chest. “Do you know what first went through my mind when I heard you were kidnapped?”

  
  


Baekhyun didn’t.

  
  


“My first thought was  _ it’s time to leave the Mafia life behind _ .”

  
  


“But it’s your father’s empire.” Baekhyun had not forgotten how Chanyeol put his dreams aside not to forget what his father had built. 

  
  


“Exactly like you said it- it’s my  _ father’s _ , not mine. I’ve tried so hard to continue his legacy thinking that’s how I’d keep him alive in my memory… but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was torture because that wasn’t my place.”

  
  


Baekhyun wished he knew how to comfort him better- what were the right words to say and how to remind him that he was there for him.

  
  


“I love my father.” The mafia boss said with a smile on his face, one that looked pained, but a smile nonetheless. “And I’ve taken over because I wanted to keep his memory alive- but I’ve found something more important than a memory.” Pausing, Chanyeol sighed and brought one of Baekhyun’s hands to his lips to kiss it. “Keeping  _ you  _ alive is more important than keeping a memory alive.”

  
  


Baekhyun felt like kissing him and blamed it on love.

  
  


They still had a long way to go, but it could wait for another kiss. 

  
  


It could wait until Baekhyun was one kiss closer to the definition of love.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“How long have we been walking?”

  
  


Baekhyun still had the backpack on his shoulders, and quite frankly, he should have been the one to complain. Except it was Chanyeol who whined.

  
  
  
  


“Why do I feel like we went through the wrong path…” The older trailed, stopping in his tracks for a moment. “It was definitely right, then left, then thirty steps.” He turned to Baekhyun. “Right?”

  
  


Baekhyun hummed and grabbed his hand. “Come on. I’m sure we’re not very far away from getting to the end.”

  
  


Both Chanyeol’s mother and Minseok had told them that someone would be there waiting for them to help them establish in a foreign country and escape the authorities.

  
  


Bringing his flashlight over his head, Baekhyun continued walking without a second thought. Then, he heard a sound.

  
  


Grabbing Chanyeol by the arm, he pointed towards the noise’s source with his chin. “I think someone’s there just like they said.”

  
  


Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s bag and pulled the gun out.  _ “Just in case.” _

  
  


“Chanyeol-”

  
  


“I have a bad feeling about this.” He finally confessed, taking a deep breath. “Ever since that Minseok thing, I’ve been feeling off.” Checking to see if it was loaded, Chanyeol gave Baekhyun the bag back and pulled him behind his body. “Stay behind me no matter what you do, alright?”

  
  


For some reason, this was starting to scare the smaller. “Got it.”

  
  


The more they stepped closer, the more the sound became apparent.

  
  


When Baekhyun pointed his flashlight just a little higher, he spotted a form in the dark.

  
  


Getting closer, Baekhyun finally saw candles- candles and a woman.

  
  


Chanyeol pointed his pistol towards her and her first reaction was to raise her arms in the air.

  
  


_ “I assume you are Chanyeol.” _

  
  


“I am, and who might you be?”

  
  


Her hair was short and for a reason Baekhyun couldn’t figure out, she looked… familiar?

  
  


“A friend of your late mother. Now would you please lower your weapon so we can talk?”

  
  


Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol’s shirt and whispered  _ lower it _ until Chanyeol conceded. What Baekhyun wondered was how she knew they’d be there at that time… the room in which they were in the tunnel didn’t look like a place a person could live.

  
  


_ Why did she look familiar? _

  
  


“I… I want you to sit down, Chanyeol. We have a few things to discuss before I can take you out.”

  
  


“I’d prefer staying like this actually.” Was the taller’s answer, an arm keeping Baekhyun behind him. “What do we need to discuss?”

  
  


When she looked behind her and another form emerged from the dark, Chanyeol pulled his pistol in the air again and awaited.

  
  


Baekhyun couldn’t believe his eyes.

  
  


“What are you doing here?” Chanyeol gritted, pointing the gun at the newcomer. “What are you doing here and how come you knew about this place?”

  
  


“Chanyeol, please calm down.” Minseok said, also raising his arms in the air. “I promise I’ll- we’ll explain everything, but for now, please put this thing down.”

  
  


Was Chanyeol right in what he was doing, or should they trust this pair? Minseok saved Chanyeol’s life after all…

  
  


_ “Chanyeol.” _ Baekhyun whispered, tugging at his shirt.  _ “I don’t think Minseok wants to harm you- he literally got you out of prison and risked his life doing so. Lower it.” _

  
  


“I’m not lowering it until you tell me why you’re here.”

  
  


When Minseok looked at the woman standing next to him and exchanged a nod, Baekhyun had, for a certain unknown reason, a very bad feeling about what was to come.

  
  


“I’m your father.”

  
  


Baekhyun dropped the flashlight.

  
  


Chanyeol’s hold on the weapon wavered. “K- Keep playing and I’ll shoot you I swear. My father died ten years ago, you bastard.  _ How dare you speak in his name? _ ” He yelled, hold shaking on the pistol. “How dare you-”

  
  


Slowly, scenes flashed in Baekhyun’s mind. Moments for which Minseok’s behavior had been impossible to explain.

  
  


“You think I wouldn’t recognise my own father’s face?” Chanyeol laughed, sounding every bit like he just lost his mind. “And his name? You think you can just say nonsense and expect me to believe it?”

  
  


_ “What if I told you that your father never died like you believe he did?” _

  
  


Even if he wanted to, Baekhyun could not tell Chanyeol to calm down.  _ Baekhyun  _ could not stay calm, even from behind him.

  
  


“You know, just because you worked for me for ten years doesn’t mean I’ll hesitate to put a bullet through your head for speaking nonsense.”

  
  


“I faked my death, Chanyeol.”

  
  


Still not believing it, the mafia boss laughed in his face. “Of course- let me guess, the woman next to you is my mother, is that right?”

  
  


Don’t say it. 

  
  


_ Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t- _

  
  


“I am.” The woman confirmed, and Chanyeol managed to lose it even more, pointing the weapon at her. “I must say my mother had fishy contacts- all she ever said was-”

  
  


“Behind the library, there is a passage. Borrow it when you must, when you find no other way. When you need someone to protect you. To the right first road, to the left second road, thirty steps-”

  
  


_ “Shut up!” _ Chanyeol yelled, furiously wiping at his tears.  _ “Shut up before I shoot you!” _

  
  


“Xiumin and Axia were the names of your parents.” Minseok provided, standing in front of the woman who claimed was Chanyeol’s mother. “Axia was a prostitute, but that you must have discovered from going through her things. Her family was-”

  
  


“Anyone could have known about that.” Baekhyun interrupted, stepping next to Chanyeol rather than behind him. “Anyone who ended up putting their hands on Chanyeol’s parents’ things. Besides, I’ve seen a picture of Chanyeol when he was young standing next to his parents… you don’t look like them at all.”

  
  


This time, it was the woman who answered. “We’ve both undergone plastic surgery to change our faces and be able to flee both the authorities and the Mafia.”

  
  


“I still don’t believe it.” Chanyeol shook his head, muttering to himself  _ no, no, no. _ “I don’t believe it- my parents would have taken me with them. Had my parents wanted to leave like that, they’d have taken me-”

  
  


“We tried.” Minseok replied, looking up to the ceiling like his tears were about to fall. “We tried but we had people chasing us down. We couldn’t get to you in time.”

  
  


“Of course.” Chanyeol humored, nodding with pursed lips. “Of course you couldn’t so it made sense that you just, what?  _ Left your son to believe you were dead for ten years? _ ”

  
  


“We didn’t want to put you in danger.” The old man insisted. “We had no other choice than pretend we died.”

  
  


Something in Chanyeol’s face was starting to change. When he threw the pistol to the floor, Baekhyun knew it was about to explode.

  
  


“And you never tried to contact me?” His voice broke in the middle. “Not once did you think it was worth contacting your  _ one  _ and  _ only  _ son?”

  
  


“It was dangerous, Chanyeol. We had to wait five years in the beginning to ensure things calmed down and left from people’s minds and then… it had been so long. We didn’t want to shock you another time.” Axia stepped forward, trying to put a hand on the mafia boss before he jerked away from her touch. “We knew you- we knew you’d try to see us and talk to us and you’d be caught one way or another-”

  
  


“No. I don’t believe you- I don’t. My parents died ten years ago, I mourned them and that is the story. No- no.”

  
  


_ “Little angel, little angel. How would you recognise me if my face didn’t look the same one day? Would you remember our secret code, little angel? Would you run to mommy if you heard her say on the hills we sit and we love, little angel?” _

  
  


Chanyeol dropped to the floor, choking on a sob. 

  
  


Baekhyun followed immediately after him, standing between the strangers and Chanyeol.

  
  


The sounds Baekhyun heard the man on the floor making, he had never heard anything like it- Chanyeol cried and screamed and hit his chest the same way Baekhyun used to do when he had anxiety attacks.

  
  


“Move out of the way.” Axia demanded, trying to get to Chanyeol.  _ “Move.” _

  
  


Baekhyun stood his ground, eyeing the discarded pistol on the floor. Whether or not these were Chanyeol’s parents, Baekhyun knew he had to shield the man on the floor. “I won’t-”

  
  


_ “How could you?” _

  
  


“Chanyeol-”

  
  


_ “How could you do this to me?” _ Chanyeol begged, tears streaming down his face freely. “How could you-  _ how could you let me mourn you for ten years?! _ ” 

  
  


When Minseok tried approaching Chanyeol, Baekhyun stood his ground the same way. Even from the distance separating them, Baekhyun saw tears in their eyes.

  
  


“It was better to see you mourning than to mourn you.”

  
  


“What a selfish excuse.” Chanyeol coughed his lungs out, not even looking at Minseok to answer him. “Not once in those ten years did it- did it occur to you that you should have taken me away?  _ That you should have fucking come back for me? _ When I cried like a fool- when you were in the mansion all these years playing pretend and worrying about me?”

  
  


“I was doing what I thought was best for you!” Minseok yelled, throwing his hands in the air. “We didn’t want to disrupt your life even more- you were doing so well, we thought that was where you belonged. I… I was fine with watching you from far away like that.”

  
  


This time, Chanyeol didn’t spare him a look. Not even when Minseok’s tears kept falling down his wrinkled cheeks.

  
  


When Axia tried pushing Baekhyun out of the way, Chanyeol stood up and pushed her hands away from Baekhyun. “Don’t you dare lay a hand on him.”

  
  


So she tried touching Chanyeol-  _ her son _ \- and the reaction was even more violent. “Keep your hands to yourself-  _ don’t fucking get near me. _ ” And with that, he grabbed Baekhyun and turned them back towards the road they came from.

  
  


_ “Where are you going?!” _

  
  


If Baekhyun could not believe his ears, he wondered how Chanyeol felt. 

  
  


And his answer, he got it the moment Chanyeol fainted.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“He’s been out for too long.”

  
  


As much as Baekhyun didn’t want to have them near Chanyeol judging from his reactions, he had no choice but to accept their help because he had little to no idea about how to nurse someone back to health from fainting. 

  
  


“He’s shocked.” Baekhyun bitterly answered, still very upset about what just happened. “I still can’t believe you-”

  
  


“And just who do you think you are?” Chanyeol’s mother intervened, passing a hand through her short hair. “Who do you think you are to be telling me what to do or not do with my son?”

  
  


This time, if he spoke, he’d do it for Chanyeol solely. “You have no idea how much he talked about you- how much he loved you. I think that I’m much better placed to know about the things Chanyeol would have wanted.”

  
  


When Axia was about to throw another fit, Minseok held her back and shook his head. “It’s not the time.”

  
  


It wasn’t. They weren’t Baekhyun’s parents, and they had done it out of love for their own son, so how come Baekhyun felt betrayed to the point of being sick?

  
  


For someone this full of love in his heart, Baekhyun wondered how Chanyeol would be when he’d wake up. For someone who adored his parents as much as this man did.

  
  


Baekhyun blamed himself for not having noticed- for not having guessed. Minseok was odd in more than one way, and the way he cared for Chanyeol was weird.

  
  


But how could he have ever come to this conclusion?

  
  


_ How? _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After leaving Chanyeol some time alone, Baekhyun brought him a water bottle and sat next to him. His parents were far away, a couple meters from where he and their son sat.

  
  


“How do you feel?”

  
  


Chanyeol didn’t even touch the bottle. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel- should I be happy? Grateful? Should I cry these ten years- should I be upset?”

  
  


Baekhyun’s touch, the mafia boss accepted it. He let Baekhyun sit closer to him and link their hands together. “Whatever you decide, I’m here.”

  
  


When Chanyeol leaned his head against Baekhyun’s shoulder and started crying again, Baekhyun knew it wouldn’t be easy.

  
  


It wouldn’t be easy and the outcome would be horrible.

  
  


But he was there. 

  
  


Baekhyun was there and he wouldn’t leave him.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


After deciding that he didn’t want to leave anywhere with his parents, Axia and Xiumin had offered Chanyeol another option.

  
  


_ “We’ll get you a safe way out of the country- you don’t have to come with us or stay in touch. We’ll just make sure you’re out without any issue so you don’t have to get any surgery done.” _

  
  


There was something powerful in anger, Baekhyun realised. When Chanyeol couldn’t handle crying anymore, he had turned towards anger.

  
  


_ “I need time.” _ He had told them, hand in hand with Baekhyun.  _ “I can’t- I can’t decide right now and I won’t. I’ll… get back to you when I’m ready.” _

  
  


It was a relief that they understood and let Chanyeol leave peacefully. It was an even bigger relief to have Minseok explain to his wife that Baekhyun was  _ not  _ dangerous for Chanyeol- that he had saved his life more than once.

  
  


And now as they sat on the plane waiting for it to take off, Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol’s hand with both his hands.

  
  


Chanyeol was not asleep, Baekhyun knew that very well. He was not asleep, but he was not ready to discuss what had happened, so Baekhyun reminded him he was still there- that he didn’t mind when and how Chanyeol would tell him, because he was there.

  
  


He’d always be.

  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty-three years old, he learned what love meant.

  
  


It meant three things; risking it all for one person, leaving a life of comfort behind to protect a single person, and faking your own death if it meant keeping a person safe.


	7. Epilogue: What We Mean

The waves washed over the sand, taking with them a little more every time.

  
  


Baekhyun placed his book on the wet ground and decided to discard it completely. Doing two things at the same time never sat well with him. 

  
  


He could barely ever focus on the story, even less on the water tickling his feet.

  
  


It was his favorite place, sitting by the beach where the water crawled back to meet the sand- sitting close enough for it to cover his feet only.

  
  


The waves hit harder today, and it made Baekhyun enjoy his afternoon even more.

  
  


There was nothing like this- nothing like sitting peacefully watching the water work its magic all around him.

  
  


Not one to be a fan of swimming, Baekhyun kept to himself and the beach.

  
  


_ “Hey.” _

  
  


He didn’t have to turn away to recognise that voice. It had been greeting him first thing in the morning and sending him last thing to sleep at night.

  
  


“Come over.” The younger patted the spot his book occupied, placing it on his left side. “Done with your shift already?”

  
  


“I finished early today.” Was Chanyeol’s answer, sitting close enough to peck his cheek. “What about you?”

  
  


After nearly two years spent on this island, Chanyeol still could not remember Baekhyun’s schedule. “I don’t work today, silly.”

  
  


It was okay. It was one of Chanyeol’s many charms. 

  
  


“So you came to the beach without me?”

  
  


Without having to look, Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was pouting. It was all over his voice.

  
  


“I came to read.” He defended his point, showing his book. “You were supposed to work until-” The watch said another two hours. “Another two hours.”

  
  


Chanyeol liked the beach almost as much as Baekhyun. Chanyeol liked throwing Baekhyun in the water and stuffing his swimsuit with sand.

  
  


Baekhyun considered himself to be much more civil.

  
  


“Are you coming back soon?”

  
  


That only meant one thing; Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun in their bed. And quite honestly, having Chanyeol between his legs was much more interesting than a book.

  
  


_ “Lead the way.” _

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


Baekhyun’s favorite times were when they returned from the beach all sticky and disgusting from the sand and sea salt and jumped in the shower together- when Chanyeol apologised for making Baekhyun all sticky by washing it all away from his body to then proceeding to push his cock inside Baekhyun and making him take it against the shower wall.

  
  


Chanyeol had gotten much rougher when it came to sex with the years, and Baekhyun couldn’t be happier. 

  
  


The shower was for  _ rough  _ and  _ hurried  _ where the bed was for making love.

  
  


The shower, they’d use it on the weekdays where they both had a job to attend. The bed, they’d use it during the weekends when they had time to indulge themselves.

  
  


And as Chanyeol pushed in and out of Baekhyun, the younger held on for dear life and took his cock, feeling his hole forced open from the intrusion.

  
  


He’d never say it out loud, but Baekhyun took crazy pleasure in being split open each time Chanyeol was hard and thinking of him. Baekhyun prefered Chanyeol leading the way.

  
  


It felt so good every time Chanyeol pushed himself until a bulge could be spotted on Baekhyun’s stomach- every time he hit his prostate and pounded the air out of him.

  
  


He felt like he was flying every time, but that too, he’d never admit it to Chanyeol.

  
  


The man had an oversized ego, and Baekhyun loved teasing him. It had slipped in the conversation a few times, and ever since, Chanyeol had not stopped doing what Baekhyun told him he enjoyed.

  
  


_ “Too much?” _

  
  


“Keep going.” Baekhyun moaned, reaching behind with his hands to open himself wider. “I like it- feels good.”

  
  


So Chanyeol did, kept pounding him until he came and made a mess out of Baekhyun’s insides.

  
  


A mess they’d have to now  _ clean  _ up.

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


“Your mother called.”

  
  


Chanyeol hummed, continuing to dry his hair with the towel. “What did she want?”

  
  


“They’re coming over next month, and she was wondering if you… had free time to see them.”

  
  


Chanyeol took the news better than he had two years ago- better than he had when they had just arrived and he had closed himself completely. Even from Baekhyun.

  
  


And no matter the amount of explaining they tried doing- over the phone like in person- Chanyeol would not hear it. No matter how much sense it made, Chanyeol did not want to hear it.

  
  


After they had faked their death, Minseok had estimated it would take five years to be able to safely tell Chanyeol what had happened. But five years had already passed… five years of Chanyeol believing they were dead. They hadn’t wanted to disrupt his life because he had been doing well.

  
  


Minseok- Baekhyun still had a hard time calling him  _ Xiumin-  _ had tried explaining that he had no right going back in Chanyeol’s life after five years. The guilt had already been horrible, and Chanyeol had to move on.

  
  


And even to this day, Baekhyun thought it was so horribly selfish for someone to do such a thing to someone they claimed to love. For them to know he was alive and well and to be able to see him, he thought they were dead.

  
  


All this time, Chanyeol had held on to their memories not knowing they were alive.

  
  


To know Minseok had gone back to keep Chanyeol safe, no matter how much it had been done out of love, it had burned Chanyeol’s heart. Baekhyun knew because he heard him crying late at night when the older thought Baekhyun had fallen asleep.

  
  


And that had exactly been how Baekhyun realised that what they had done was unfair- that letting Minseok fake both Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s death and letting innocent people like Kyungsoo and Jongdae believe they had died had been cruel.

  
  


It had been cruel and Baekhyun was not like Chanyeol’s parents- Kyungsoo and Jongdae had welcomed him in the mansion and had made it feel like home.

  
  


Kyungsoo and Jongdae had been the first and only friends Baekhyun ever had.

  
  


To Kyungsoo specially; being told that his best friend of over ten years and his newly claimed friend who happened to be his best friend’s lover had died together in a car accident.

  
  


Baekhyun had wanted to at least let him know, even though they didn’t live together anymore and might not be able to meet.

  
  


_ “They deserve to know.” _ He had told a still shocked Chanyeol a week after they arrived on the island.  _ “They didn’t do anything wrong- I don’t want to do what your parents did, Chanyeol. Why not also offer them to come here and start a new life?” _

  
  


Baekhyun could not deny the impact Kyungsoo and Jongdae had on his character- on his life. He could not, and he would not.

  
  


But he also knew that there was no way to leave the Mafia. The only way was to die.

  
  


Or fake your death.

  
  


_ “I know you don’t want to see or talk to your parents, and I respect that. Can I make the phone call instead? I want to ask Minseok for help in case they’re interested.” _

  
  


Chanyeol had not said no and instead had cried on his shoulder that same night, wondering how Kyungsoo had felt thinking they had died for an entire week.

  
  


Baekhyun caught the towel from Chanyeol’s hands and told him to quickly get dressed. “Hurry, now. Kyungsoo’s gonna be here soon. I don’t want him seeing you naked.”

  
  


“So picky, my love. He’s like a brother to me, you know that, right?”

  
  


So what if he did?

  
  


“Besides.” The older sighed, opening the drawers where he kept his underwear to pull out a pair of boxers. “Hasn’t he been obsessed with that dude- what’s his name again?”

  
  


“Who? The dancer?”

  
  


“Yeah!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “The supposed  _ best  _ dancer of the island.”

  
  


_ “Kai? Kim Kai?” _

  
  


“Exactly.” Chanyeol grabbed his favorite blue shorts and slipped them on. “I think the dude looks like Jongin no matter how much Kyungsoo says he doesn’t.”

  
  


That was a thought Baekhyun entertained ever since Kyungsoo had started obsessing over that dancer. He teased Kyungsoo saying he only liked Kim Kai because of his resemblance to Mal Jongin, but that this one was not evil.

  
  


Kyungsoo’s answer always was  _ You know nothing about art. _

  
  


In the end, Kyungsoo and Jongdae had been informed of Chanyeol and Baekhyun being alive- Baekhyun still remembered how hard Kyungsoo cried on the phone, and he wondered if Chanyeol would have felt the same had he known earlier about his parents.

  
  


They both had decided they wanted a life away from the Mafia, both of them with no family members left either, close friends very little but the ones they had in the mansion.

  
  


It had made Baekhyun so happy- so, so happy to be reunited with the only people he had ever called his friends.

  
  


When someone knocked on the door aggressively, Baekhyun knew it was Kyungsoo.

  
  


Jongdae had manners after all.

  
  


“You’ll never believe who I just saw at the bar.”

  
  


Chanyeol shot Baekhyun a teasing look, raising his eyebrows. “Let me guess… Kim Kai?”

  
  


As Kyungsoo came in, he closed the door behind himself and sighed. “Honestly though, how do you know?”

  
  


Kyungsoo could just  _ not  _ shut up about him.

  
  


“I don’t know, Kyungsoo… maybe it’s the fact that you talk more about licking his fat,  _ sweaty  _ balls on a daily basis than you ask how we’re doing.”

  
  


“He sweats a lot.” Was Kyungsoo’s proud answer. “I’ll get him one day- you just wait and see.”

  
  


“What about Jongdae?” Baekhyun asked, throwing a clean shirt to his fiancé. “Is he coming?”

  
  


“The only thing he said is that if he ditches us, he’s got himself a date.”

  
  


Kyungsoo’s sigh was way too loud. “See? It’s fine if he goes out to get pussy but I talk one minute about dick and-”

  
  


“There, there.” Baekhyun pushed a sandwich in Kyungsoo’s mouth. “Keep that pretty mouth busy while we get things ready for tonight, come on.”

  
  
  


xx

  
  
  


The night had been long, and the amount of drinks they had was not helping with their headaches. 

  
  


Kyungsoo had gone back to his apartment and Chanyeol had handled Baekhyun back home into  _ theirs _ .

  
  


It was in the little things that he found happiness, Baekhyun realised.

  
  


Having an ordinary job with an ordinary social circle and having an average house.

  
  


Baekhyun had enjoyed the hotels so much when they first arrived that Chanyeol decided to rent a room in a permanent way for them to live in. Baekhyun liked the ones by the beach.

  
  


Like this, he felt like a normal person.

  
  


Like this, Baekhyun felt like just another ordinary, average twenty-five years old guy. He didn’t feel like an ex-prostitute with no future whatsoever.

  
  


Although they didn’t have to work- Chanyeol didn’t have to be a DJ at his favorite club on the island and Baekhyun didn’t have to be a barista at the bar right in front of their hotel because Minseok had emptied the organisation members’ shared bank accounts before leaving with Chanyeol and Baekhyun. They didn’t have to, but it was nice.

  
  


It was nice, having something to do. To occupy the days.

  
  


And this island, it had imprinted its mood all over the place- hotels, clubs, bars, shopping stores. Wherever they went, it was decorated to harmonise with the water and the sand.

  
  


So did he mind working, in such a pleasant environment? Of course not.

  
  


When Chanyeol threw him on the bed and cuddled him from behind, Baekhyun remembered just how far Chanyeol had come. Just how difficult the first months were for him.

  
  


Still, Baekhyun was glad he was able to be of help.

  
  


To remind Chanyeol that it was okay to have vulnerable moments- that he used to have them and Chanyeol had protected him from the world.

  
  


Perhaps what had pained him the most was that Chanyeol had already had these thoughts before- had always thought that Minseok reminded him of a certain someone. That there had been two sides of Minseok- almost like two different people; the reserved, stoic one and the one Minseok tried his best controlling, taming, the one that escaped sometimes.

  
  


And yet all this time, he’d think it had been stupid and that the death of his parents had affected him to the point that  _ he  _ was projecting what  _ he  _ wanted to see on a person who had been helping him.

  
  


But all of that, it was fine.

  
  


In two years, Chanyeol had come a long way and Baekhyun believed Chanyeol and his parents could go back to the way they used to be before the incident, perhaps only with a little more time.

  
  


Chanyeol had been sensitive.

  
  


He had been, and yet he could be strong and broad and protect Baekhyun.

  
  


With the arms around his body and a mouth pressed to his neck, Baekhyun believed he was lucky.

  
  


_ “I love you.” _ Chanyeol whispered.

  
  


Indeed he was.

  
  


Baekhyun was so lucky.

  
  


_ “I love you too.” _

  
  


When Baekhyun was twenty-five years old, he learned what  _ we  _ meant.

  
  


_ We  _ meant three things.

  
  


_ We  _ meant that no matter how good Chanyeol was to him, Baehyun’s childhood trauma would never disappear. It would never be erased from Baekhyun’s memory, but he knew now not to let it dictate his life. He recognised and acknowledged it, and sometimes he’d ask whether or not Chanyeol was upset at him for trivial things, but he now knew why he acted this way. Chanyeol did too.

  
  


_ We  _ meant, for Chanyeol, learning that he was allowed to rely on Baekhyun. For the ex-mafia boss, it meant letting a person care for him the same way he cared in return.

  
  


_ We _ , down to the very bone, meant Chanyeol  _ and  _ Baekhyun.

  
  


Now and for the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> You can reach me here [twitter](https://twitter.com/bucheonsbabe?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor) and here [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/bucheonsbabe) :)<3


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